Re: There's this rishta..
It's funny how some of the guyus are so offended by someone not wanting to marry a cousin from Pak. No reason to marry anyone if you don't wan tto move out of the country or marry within family.
Re: There's this rishta..
Marrying into family is complicated, she's your phopho and would be your MIL, I think that's going to to get real messy. It would even make sense if you were a really close family and you really liked your phopho but clearly there's already some drama involved, getting married into that is probably not going to make things easier or better. Heck I've seen people who are close and then they get married and then all sorts of in law drama comes up driving families apart. My aunt and uncle got divorced after 25 years of a really bad marriage and their parents who were brother/sister basically cut off ties with each other, which was really sad. It destroyed the whole family because other siblings had to pick sides and what not. Not saying this is going to happen to you but my point is these relationships will add complications.
Unless you really feel like you're not going to find another guy who fulfills your criteria in the next 5/6 years, or you think this guy is really that amazing that you're willing to put up with anything, I wouldn't mess with this dynamic.
Re: There’s this rishta..
I’m gonna keep this short cause some people have given you enough sound advice already. Don’t marry your cousin and marry someone from a western country who suits/shares your lifestyle, future ambitions.
#enoughsaid](http://www.paklinks.com/gs/usertag.php?do=list&action=hash&hash=enoughsaid)
Re: There’s this rishta..
Have you just proposed?! 
Re: There’s this rishta..
Lol. Nah..
#idontknowher](http://www.paklinks.com/gs/usertag.php?do=list&action=hash&hash=idontknowher)
#whywouldipropose](http://www.paklinks.com/gs/usertag.php?do=list&action=hash&hash=whywouldipropose)
Re: There's this rishta..
Well seeing that you have been given the green light to speak with him on one hand ... Yet on the other hand hear your parents speaking about rishtay mein shadi being complicated ... Try to get them to make up their own minds first ... Do they want it? Yes or no? If no, tell them to grow get some courage and say that to your aunt ... Why are they letting you talk with him, giving him and his mother the sense of false hope, when deep down inside they don't want it? Do they really want to put it on you to decide? What if you said yes?
Now for some objectivity ...
Where will you live Middle East or US ... Speak to him about that.
If in US how will he get a job?
Will you be happy to relocate to UAE?
Ask him his motivators for considering you in marriage
What does he know about you?
Tell him what your religious expectations are of him as a potential husband and how he needs to help you out with your religious obligations. Can he meet them?
Re: There's this rishta..
Someone who cares for you and considers your feelings is worth hanging onto, sounds like a really nice guy, every family has there family politics, in the long run you should sit down with both your parents and discuss this matters as it a big step and your future, hope the best for you :-)
Re: There's this rishta..
So I'm in my early twenties and I have a cousin who is interested in getting married. He asked me what I think and told me he didn't want to say anything to his family till he knew my opinion. He's a nice guy, working abroad in U.A.E. and I'm here in the U.S. I want to go into the healthcare field, work and live here. But he's not interested in that and prefers the U.K. My issue is
1) I'm not sure how I feel about a cousin marriage. This isn't anything against anyone who may be married within family but everyone has their own choice. It makes me feel a bit uncomfortable. I haven't called him bhai or even considered him a brother. But marriage in a family bothers my parents too. In their opinion, maintaining ties is already difficult, add another (fragile) relation such as a marriage, and things become even more complicated. And I get that.
2) Our families are very different. His mom's my dad's sister but my family is religious and has different thinking and his is very different than that. It makes me feel like I won't fit in. Not just his family, my entire dadyaal side is different. Tez (not cunning but... family politics)
3) I prefer not to move out of the U.S. I prefer a guy here and not someone abroad. I also feel like guys who have lived in the west have different mind sets than guys who have been raised and brought up in Pakistan (which he has). They're open minded, interested in things other than work - that's what I've observed in majority, not everyone. In Pakistan, majority have the typical desi mentality; meri maa, behen, family, yours don't mean so much. Now I know him enough to know he values his family a lot (which is great) but I don't know him enough to know whether he has this mentality.
4) My sister got married when she was 18. So now the pressure is on me. I come from a family who prefers early marriage and then the larki can go on studying and living her life. My mom has started talking about marriage so I can tell she's worried. Even though I don't want to rush into marriage simply because of age, I do feel the pressure.
What should I do?
Although each to their own i would like to point out that cousin marriages do indeed weaken relationships. Theres too much family politics/crossovers/etc. My parents and grandparents and those before them are cousins and it really confuses the family as well as leads to many disputes because e.g. 'my sisters aunties uncles brothers daughter got married to your dads brothers daughters son but she didnt even call her to the wedding', like do you get what i mean. It creates unnecessary drama that doesnt really need to add fuel to the fire. Atleast thats what ive experienced. All my generation of the family i.e. myself, siblings and cousins are adamant that we are not marrying into family and our elders agree.
Re: There's this rishta..
but do istikhara and see what you feel
Re: There's this rishta..
Problems can come in any marriage so there is no guarantee marriage with your cousin is going to have conflict or not but there is heck of a lot of compromise on your part. If you're the type of person who will allow other people to pretty much change the direction of your goals then go for it; just don't be the person who will be resentful for that change. With this marriage the message will be loud and clear that you've wiped away all your expectations and accepted someone else's goals that are contrary to yours.
Your parents are already reluctant so you have a damn good excuse to say no without offending anyone. My parents used the same excuse that I was not wiling to consider cousin marriages. I know I made the right choice because there was a 110% chance of conflict in my family.
Re: There's this rishta..
God.
- You're not old. You are 21. You are a kid.
- Get an edumacation.
- Do something with your life. Learn something. A skill. How to fly a kite. Be productive.
- Learn about yourself, maybe live with some roommates. Maybe go to college? How about community college?
- Then once you're able to take care of yourself, ................. ............................ ............................ .......................... ....................** start wondering why you are not getting married**.... Corrected.
Re: There's this rishta..
Have you decided, what you going to do??