Why is seeing a therapist considered such a shameful thing?
I have come across so many individuals from our community who could probably lead very happy and successful lives if they were willing to seek qualified help for some of their issues…but they don’t.
They don’t reach out for a number of reasons -
a) They don’t want to be considered nutcases. (Yet they don’t mind living in misery or making someone else’s life miserable.)
b) They don’t want to admit that they have a problem.
c) They are ashamed of their problem(s).
Why do people continue to live in such pain? Do they not know that life can be a wonderful experience?
That's a very sensitive issue. Seeing a therapist can be very difficult for anyone, not just people from our community. It depends on what the problem is - if it's emotional or psychological, then I think it's the hardest.
I have a couple of desi friends who have sought therapy, mostly for depression.
yeah I think we have a stigma attached to it. But the word therapy in itself implies solution for something thats not right. I prefer the term counselor…it has less stigma attached to it./
After having to read a lot of the replies on this new fora here I think I'm the one who needs to into therapy cuz the replies r just driving me nuts ..
People usually let their pride get in their way in getting help if they're ill in anyway. Whether if it's like you have a fever, dizziness or whether it's mental stuff.
Plus ... sometimes some people just dont' go to therapists maybe cuz ... maybe they're not allowed by a family member due to the fear that the psychologist may end up blaming it on the family, the parents, and the upbringing. Isn't that usually the conclusion ?
And as for dont' people realize how wonderful life is ... well, You dont know what you've got till it's gone. Sadly, for many people, it's true.
Back in school few years ago, I went to see a therapist at school clinic after much persuation by a friend. I had couple of sessions with the therapist and I felt that I made the right decision (plus she was very cute and had nice legs).
Couple of years later, once I felt like I might need to see one again, and called my company's HMO provided psychiatrist for an appointment. She told me that she didn't have an opening for next four days and she can see me after that. I was like, 'what the heck you are talking about? I want to talk to you now - four days later I'd be in a lot better shape than even you're and can even give you a better counseling than what you can provide me - heck I won't even charge you'.
Anyway, therapy is not necessarily for any visible problem or anything. Heck, you can even go see a therapist whenever you feel like all your friends are bunch of morons and you don't want to talk to them anymore. No shame in that.
There is such a stigma attached to go to the therapist not only in our desi community but even in our American community.
I think people don’t seek help for fear of being perceived by others as weak individuals who cannot cope with life. While others have the above definition and therefore not want to seek help b/c by their definition they become “weak”.
Everyone has issues, the world would be a better place if everyone seeks therapy.
ahmedjee, I think you got it !! I think it's also got to do with desi culture. Traditionally, we are supposed to have big extended families living together, providing each other with support and being someone else' backbone. As society becomes more individualistic, and we begin to spread out, it becomes more difficult to deal with problems and therefore we now need 'professionals'. Think about it, if we had nanis and dadis in our household, they would continuously impart priceless knowledge and wisdom which we now don't have access to.
Plus desi families have a lot of in-house therapists the baday mamu, somebody's chacha's beta etc etc. They think that problems such as these can be solved in the family and it would be a disgrace if they seek outside help. Plus i don't think that they even know that these problems exist. Khair that's just my opinion. Desi Community needs time. Like all communities we are not perfect.
"Not only is life a bitch, it has puppies."
Adrienne Gusoff.
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Originally posted by Roman:
**Back in school few years ago, I went to see a therapist at school clinic after much persuation by a friend. I had couple of sessions with the therapist and I felt that I made the right decision (plus she was very cute and had nice legs).
Couple of years later, once I felt like I might need to see one again, and called my company's HMO provided psychiatrist for an appointment. She told me that she didn't have an opening for next four days and she can see me after that. I was like, 'what the heck you are talking about? I want to talk to you now - four days later I'd be in a lot better shape than even you're and can even give you a better counseling than what you can provide me - heck I won't even charge you'.
Anyway, therapy is not necessarily for any visible problem or anything. Heck, you can even go see a therapist whenever you feel like all your friends are bunch of morons and you don't want to talk to them anymore. No shame in that.**
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From that description of therapist it would just be as useful talking to a friend or stranger (depending on whom your more comfortable with) or just going for confession in a church. Dont all these provide the same thing as the therapist.
There are issues your chacha or mama cant help you with, your friends may or may not understand me. Harish, one of my friends in college committed suicide back in 93, and although I still wonder could I have saved him if I had known what he was keeping to him. But I would have done anything to have him see a counselor for his issues.
The greatthing about our culture is that you do have much more family and friend support than in a typical american atmosphere, but it has its limitations and sometimes there are issues that elders may not understand or relate to.
People from 9 to 90 years want to do these type of therapies.
It is "sickening" why people are not interested in talking about this type of therapy.
45.6376789575% people in the west are under the influence of depression. No one wants to talk about them.
No one wants to admit their own mistakes. Hardly 5% people do admit that they are wrong so what about the rest of the people are they all nutcases?
:)
I do agree that it is the pressur of work and lack of love in the society that is causing people to be under the influence of these problems. If you have lots of love of your dadi, nani, and so many people to talk to then you wouldn't get such problems. I have literally seen people living alone for 15 years coz they got angry with their spouses and this trend is increasing among the asians as well. God help us all.
I know a few people who have gone for group therapy for personal loss, divorce etc and it worked for them...they felt they could open up and talk about their loss with people in the similar circumstances, without feeling judged.
Counselors are mostly non-judgemental and have good listening skills and empathetic, which may not be the case with the family members.
If it helps,most of the intelligent & therefore sucessfull people ,if you keep record of ,you will see have felt need of psycho therapist or psychiatrist.Yes it is more i stressfull society,but it is the high achiever & perfectionist ,who fall victim to break down.
Back home there is less competition to be no.1 or the pace is not killing ,you can live without psychiatrists & psychologist.
Mood swing PMS,Menopause or just stress cause us to be very unreasonable & if a counseller or therapists doesnt identify those things ,many ppl. end up getting divorce unnecessarily .Yes there is reason for divorce -constant fughting ,but if it is related to PMS,Menopause or just loss in the family ,it should not be ground for divorce but UNDERSTANDING ,even if the wife is acting bitch for months.
Woh afsaana jise anjaam tak, laana na ho mumkin
Use ek KHoobsoorat moR dekar, chhoRna achha
I quite honestly believe that everyone needs counselling or therapy at some point in their lives. People automatically assume that to see a shrink, u must be a nut case but thats the biggest load of bull I ever heard. Sometimes its easier to talk to a stranger about ur problems than it is to talk to a friend. Shrinks don't know you so they're not able to judge you - and that helps alot. U don't feel as though you need to put on a brave face or live a lie - you can just be urself.
I went to see one when i was about 14 without telling my family or friends. At the time I thought it was the biggest waste of time, yet today i can still recall every single thing she said to me. I never told my family cuz i knew they'd never agree, and i didn't tell my mates cuz I was at that age where i just wanted to blend in and be normal. Something happened a few years back which made me realise that i had made the correct decision by not telling my parents. They are so narrow minded when it comes to stuff like this - they just think that pple from the West have got too much time and money on their hands and so are forever making up illnesses.
I think desis need to realise that a *problem aired is a problem shared *. We need to break free from these paki values that teach us that family or social problems should be resolved within the family. I quite honestly believe that this trend of secrecy breaks up more families than anything else.
Therapy can be given for various reasons but I will take ‘depression’ as an example…
1)Is it an inherited illness?
2)Is it more common among women?
3)Does medicine play a role in the treatment or is medicine just a small part of the overall therapy?
From my observation it seems like more of a test of poor married man’s patience.
[quote]
Originally posted by hmcq:
** From that description of therapist it would just be as useful talking to a friend or stranger (depending on whom your more comfortable with) or just going for confession in a church. Dont all these provide the same thing as the therapist.**
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No hmcq, there is a difference.
Counsellors are professionla people that hear you out without any forming any opinion of you. They never suggest or advise anything to you.
Their job is to listen to you, and encourage you to talk about things that may be the cause of the problem. If they ask a question, it's mainly because of making you think about it and see for yourself what the problem is. They don't tell you or judge you if that's what the problem is. In other words, you figure things out on your own, counsellors are there to hear them out and help you bring it out.
But I agree, church and friends offer their own form of counselling which is quite healthy on times.