Chohdry Bhai 
Aaj Phir Man MaiN sar-e-sham hi kuch halchal thee
Aaj phir dil maiN meray, wisal ki khwahish si jagi
Jaane KyoN aayina taknay ko hai ye dil betaab
Jaane kyoN aaj haiN maathay pe buhat Qatra-e-aab
Ye Wahi Dill hai jisay jeenay ki khwahish hi na thee
Rang o Ronak se kabhi iss ko to ulfat hi na thee
Aaj kyoN meray laboN Par HiaN Khushi ke ash’aar
Aaj kyoN jeet si lagti hai, jo sadyoN se thee haar.
Aaj maiN khud se, kayi KyoN, YooN hi poocha bhi kiya
Dil MiaN ik Chah Sanwarnay ki thee, SaNwra bhi kiya
Iztirab aur bhi BaRhta raha par kya thee Khabar
Honay ko aaj hai roshan mera saara ambar
Phir Meray dar pe teray PaaoN ka wo Rakhna tha
Har khalish dil ki mitti, deed ka hi sapna tha
(Black Mamba)
Please specially comment on the Bold one, Is it really hard to read or understand.
I am asking this cuz, I sent it to one of our fellow guppy on MSN and he was having some problems with this.
oyiee, innna roona sehat key liey achaa nahien.. saari bersaat tum churra key ley gyee tu baqyoon ka kia baney gaa....
its beautiful. quite strange kissi ney kioon comments nahien kiey abhi tak. mein ney tu aap ko pm mein dey dye they jab aap ney bhaiji theee. its very nice aur haan the first bold line is hard to understand
Aaj maiN khud se kayi, ????
btw Mamba, mein tu es baat ka qayal hoon key theme kissi ka bhi ho koshish apni honi chahye, u must have heard abt the analogy of honey bee, they extract the essance of flower, digest it and then produce the very own stuff. and i really liked they way u given expressions to ur thoughts and how u put it altogeather in a wonderful chain of words, thankyou so much for sharing a great poem.
[QUOTE]
*Originally posted by chodhry: *
oyiee, innna roona sehat key liey achaa nahien.. saari bersaat tum churra key ley gyee tu baqyoon ka kia baney gaa....
its beautiful. quite strange kissi ney kioon comments nahien kiey abhi tak. mein ney tu aap ko pm mein dey dye they jab aap ney bhaiji theee. its very nice aur haan the first bold line is hard to understand
Aaj maiN khud se kayi, ????
btw Mamba, mein tu es baat ka qayal hoon key theme kissi ka bhi ho koshish apni honi chahye, u must have heard abt the analogy of honey bee, they extract the essance of flower, digest it and then produce the very own stuff. and i really liked they way u given expressions to ur thoughts and how u put it altogeather in a wonderful chain of words, thankyou so much for sharing a great poem.
[/QUOTE]
Thanks for such a detialed response.
Now I think I must explain that "KyoN" thing, if a poet like you cant get it, then it must be hard or it must be wrong.
If you notice lines before the line in question. there are many "KyoNs" like
Jaane KyoN aayina ...
Jaane kyoN aaj....
Aaj kyoN meray ......
Aaj kyoN jeet ....
so in "Aaj maiN khud se kayi, KyoN YooN hi poocha bhi kiya" there is a refrence to those kyoNs. "Kayi" meaning many.
so this verse mean. "Today I kept on asking many KyoN from myself. "
Now tell me is it clear now. Or should I change this line?
Its zabardasto one… wah .. 
And the bold one is not too difficult to understand eiether… 
Thanx for posting such a Piece.. :biggthumb
Mujhay to tujh pay pehlay he shak tha 
Tujh say tu ihtiat karnee chahiey 
[QUOTE]
*Originally posted by Black Mamba: *
so in "Aaj maiN khud se kayi, KyoN YooN hi poocha bhi kiya" there is a refrence to those kyoNs. "Kayi" meaning many.
so this verse mean. "Today I kept on asking many KyoN from myself. "
Now tell me is it clear now. Or should I change this line?
[/QUOTE]
well Mamba its clear now, and it makes sense. only thing i am adding is tht if i were you i wd have put it all like this.
Aaj maiN khud se, kayi KyoN, YooN hi poocha bhi kiya
anyways, its a great poem. keep it up.
[QUOTE]
*Originally posted by chodhry: *
well Mamba its clear now, and it makes sense. only thing i am adding is tht if i were you i wd have put it all like this.
Aaj maiN khud se, kayi KyoN, YooN hi poocha bhi kiya
anyways, its a great poem. keep it up.
[/QUOTE]
Thanks for your tip. I changed it. The , is in right place now .
:)
[QUOTE]
*Originally posted by Black Mamba: *
Thanks for your tip. I changed it. The , is in right place now .
:)
[/QUOTE]
Thank you Mamba for considering my suggestion. :)
