If our elders do not fulfil and come to the standards or family values they always talked about. They just keep bragging and do not deliver to you what was expected of them. Then are we responsible to deliver what is expected of us. Even if we end up in miserable because they enforced their decisions on us. Do they deserve to get what they expect from us.
Re: Their wrong decisions
What are the pros and cons of the task expected of you? For example, does it carry grave long-term consequences? And you also need to consider if you'd be risking the happiness of others besides yourself to please your parents? For example...if you're being forced to marry someone ....you risk hurting another person. I don't agree with brief happiness in exchange for long-term misery.....that will end up breeding resentment/destroying relationships/etc. Perhaps you need to discuss the various consequences with your parents. Parents, like all human beings, are not perfect. They may behave in a way that contradicts moral values/ethics/common sense. They/culture and religion are not always on the same page. Despite that....you have a responsibility toward yourself....to do what is right and right Islamically, etc. You don't stop practicing values (respect/honesty/fairness, etc) just because those that preach them fail to follow them. Is there someone (such a relative) that could try to reason with your parents? Most of the time...parents move on...they don't hold grudges forever. You haven't explained exactly what the problem is, so only broad advice can be given. I hope things improve for you.
Their wrong decisions
My parents passed away long ago. Im talking about my uncles (father's side) who were supposedly there to replace parents. I obeyed their decisions. Out of some sick mentalities, egos they do not stand by their decisions. Ending me up in difficulties. Same goes for my mother in law. Got married 2 years ago. Have had nikkah 2 yrs b4 ruksati. Everything else is fine. But the way they made things happen now we both as a couple face so many challenges including finances too. Have a baby now that increases responsibilities. I wish we had not obeyed them and could have done things being more independent. Could have more control over the circumstances. I have started feeling so much resentment against them. Everyone keeps going with their luxurious normal life. I feel left behind to face my own challenges. I really feed strong need of my patents right now. Atleast they could morally support me.
Re: Their wrong decisions
Everyone's got their challenges...even the ones who are leading a seemingly "luxurious/normal" life. What goes on behind closed doors and a person's inner demons is not always apparent to us.
It seems like the involvement of your relatives is putting a strain on your marriage. Maybe you and your husband need to make a firm decision and a plan to resolve matters by yourselves without bringing in family.
Yes, parents can provide moral support.....but it sometimes happens.....that even involving your biological parents/siblings in your marital problems can leave you feeling pretty conflicted and frustrated. Though they mean well....it can be like that saying where too many cooks can spoil the soup.
Their wrong decisions
There are no problems between me and my husband alhamdulillah. The challenges we face. The expectations from us. Expectations from my husband towards his family. Families providing no support. Not even moral. They do have challenges that I know of. Iam not unaware. But when you are with the family, have social status, money then things are not intense. When you start struggling for necessities of life without help and resources that is more intense. And that the elders promised the vice versa in result of obeying their decisions like getting married. It's not the struggle that bothers me, it's more that I have been left alone to deal. While I was with them and also suffered from many challenges that they had in the past.
Re: Their wrong decisions
I know it's easier said than done...but dwelling on the past will ruin the present for you. If you continue turning to a person......even if it's a family member.....for help and they repeatedly let you down....what will that do each time? You're just going to feel angry and hurt every single time, right? It becomes a vicious cycle where you open yourself to heartache over n over. At what point do you stop and decide that I have my pride and I value my time/sanity/health/present/future......and decide that you'll stop turning to them for support? I'm hoping the married folks on here will post some helpful suggestions. I hope you feel better soon.