Who died the worst death?
Three men stand before St. Peter awaiting admission into Heaven. However,
St. Peter has been informed that Heaven will only admit 33% of applicants
today. The admissions standard: Who died the worst death? So, St. Peter
takes each of the three men aside in turn and asks them about how they
died.
First man:
"I’d been suspecting for a long time that my wife was cheating on me. I
decided to come home early from work one afternoon and check to see if I
could catch her in the act. When I got back to my apartment, I heard the
water running. My wife was in the shower. I looked everywhere for the guy,
but couldn’t find anyone or any trace that he had been there. The last
place I looked was out on the balcony.
I found the bastard hanging from the edge, trying to get back in! So I
started jumping up and down on his hands, and he yelled, but he didn’t
fall. So I ran inside and got a hammer, and crushed his fingers with it
until he fell twenty-five floors screaming in agony. But the fall didn’t
kill the asshole. He landed in some bushes! So I dragged the refirgerator
from the kitchen (it weighed about a ton), pulled it to the balcony, and
hurled it over the edge. It landed right on the guy and killed him. But
then I felt so horrible about what I had done, I went back into the
bedroom and shot myself."
St. Peter nodded slowly as the man recounted the story. Then, telling the
first man to wait, he took the second aside.
Second man:
“I lived on the twenty-seventh floor of this apartment building. I had
just purchased this book on morning exercises and was practicing them on
my balcony, enjoying the sunshine, when I lost my balance and fell off the
edge. Luckily, I only fell about two floors before grabbing another
balcony and holding on for dear life. I was trying to pull myself up when
this guy came running onto what must have been his balcony and started
jumping up and down on my hands. I screamed in pain, but he seemed really
irate. When he finally stopped, I tried to pull myself up again, but he
came out with a hammer and smashed my fingers to a pulp! I fell, and I
thought I was dead, but I landed in some bushes. I couldn’t believe my
second stroke of luck, but it didn’t last. The last thing I saw was this
enormous refrigerator falling from the building down on top of me and
crushing me.”
St. Peter comforted the man, who seemed to have several broken bones. Then
he told him to wait, and turned to the third man.
Third man:
“Picture this. You’re hiding, naked, in a refrigerator…”