What is it with monsters and virgins? Across time and cultures, big baddies have been displaying a pathological affinity for unsullied specimens of the female gender.
Modern readers of mythology will point to the blatantly sexist bias of the authors of yore. But for those thinking that it is a bygone phenomenon – think again. In contemporary times, the rabid obsession of the Pakistani mind with marriage provides an eerie parallel with the virgin-loving monsters of antiquity.
Consider the case of my friend Hasan, who is comfortably thirty-something, settled in Europe, and in his mother’s opinion, at least, every young woman’s fantasy. His annual trips to the motherland are joyous occasions for him and his family alike. The only awkwardness he suffers while on vacation is what an uncouth observer has dubbed the Virgin Parade.
Folks, my friend is single. He’s also Ivy League educated, decently well off, and (did I mention?) living abroad. In short, he possesses all of the necessary ingredients for an Eligible Bachelor – at least as far as his mother is concerned.
The Eligible Bachelor is a strange category. Can you imagine a more paradoxical and delicately balanced designation? The more eligible the bachelor, the less likely he is to stay that way. Aunties from across the country will conspire to rob him of his title. The most potent tool in their arsenal is the Virgin Parade.
What is a Virgin Parade, I hear you ask. Imagine if you will, a beach beside a raging ocean, stretching as far as the eye can see. At every hundred paces, there stands a human sized rock. Tied to every rock, struggling gamely against her unyielding bonds, is a virgin. They are offerings to a ferocious sea monster that will soon emerge from the gloomy depths to choose a suitable candidate for activities unknown.
For what purpose this savage scenery? Who can say? Perhaps the virgins’ parents offended Poseidon, as happened to the lovely Andromeda. The sea god, in typical deity-like rage, demanded the sacrifice of the transgressors’ virgin daughter, and sent a charming sea monster to collect on the debt. Sea monsters have their own dark designs, food-related and otherwise. Luckily for Andromeda, this particular monster was unable to satisfy its hankering for virgins. A suitably shiny Perseus intervened just in time and sent the monster’s corpse back to the deep.
Now my friend Hasan is no Perseus, and he’s definitely not the virgin. That only leaves the part of the sea monster. The virgin role is repeatedly acted out by whatever innocent soul his mother and nefarious aunties can dig up. So every day, Hasan dutifully leaves his lair, swims up to the surface and surveys the beach for human offerings.
Age is no barrier to monster-sacrifice, as long as it is less than the monster’s. 19 year-old, late A-Level students do just fine. So do 30 year-old career professionals. The standard traits of money, fair skin and good family are firm requirements, strictly enforced by the aunties as preconditions. Today’s sea monster is quite picky as well, as beauty and virginity are no longer enough. Background checks on the virgin’s education, inheritance, and English accent need to be performed before the monster will grace his prey with savagery.
It’s hard to speak for the monsters of folklore, but modern sea monsters are often complex, misunderstood beings. Often, the monster is a reluctant pawn in a devious game of the gods: the Mother Being and the Aunties. The monster’s own feelings are often trampled upon in the gods’ relentless quest for the ideal virgin sacrifice. Jilted by successive girlfriends and disillusioned by love, the liberated monster is only a reluctant party to the ritual. Its progressive ideals are often in stark contrast to the barbarity of human sacrifice. Yet, bowing to the pressures of family and society, it goes with the flow, nurturing a tortured, conflicted soul through the ruthless intrigues of the gods.
Not to say that there aren’t genuine monsters. Poseidon’s minion was no puppy dog, that’s for sure. Not for it was the tortured existence, the agonising introspection. It was there to devour the virgin, no question about it. Pakistani society churns up similar beings by the millions. I can personally cite the examples of two cousins, who were offered as ritual sacrifice and greedily accepted by their respective monsters. In their case, sea monster and Poseidon colluded happily for the best possible offering. Sadly, in classic Stockholm syndrome style, the virgins weren’t exactly unwilling either.
Back to the tortured, conflicted sea monster of my acquaintance. This year, Hasan returned to his lair virgin-less, happy to have survived another Parade. His reprieve is temporary: the gods conspire against him. Somewhere out there, Andromeda is waiting.
Source: The Friday Times