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*Heretic...... *
Wat I would say....... is.......
Heartiest Welcome to GS...
This is Ur first Post Kam se kam for Current Nick :D
wow... what a life.. best of luck here on GS.. i hope you make many friends here and Inshallah find your goal :) to move on, its best not to think too much of our past.. our past makes us what we are today.. but what we do with our future makes us better.. inshallah
Hey heretic,
Welcome to GS 
Your story is sad…
Although my experiences are a bit different and this love angle wasn’t involved, I can relate to some of the things you said very strongly and I’ve seen people in somewhat similar situations as yours. And I’ve seen the majority come out of them gracefully and successfully as well and I’m sure you can do it too inshallah.
I went to one of the top five schools in the US too and everyone had and still has very very high hopes from me. Sometimes I also feel that I lost all motivation and confidence in my abilities. My undergrad studies also sufferred due to various reasons at certain points. I graduated last year and am working in Pakistan right now. Still confused about a lot of things and have also made some major mistakes in the past which I am sufferring for and which I deeply regret. I still also can’t quite get a handle on myself and also feel like I have no motivation sometimes.
But, I want to tell you that a lot of people are in the same boat. Everyone is different and copes with things differently. Don’t compare yourself to others and don’t lose hope for yourself…ever. Give yourself some time and know that you are capable of making the situation better.
You’re still an enrolled student right? Don’t say that you have lost everything. You have not lost much at all. That’s my honest opinion. I think you should just focus on your degree now. Don’t squander the chance Allah gave you. This is something only one in a million get. Finish your degree, that should be your very immediate priority.
About her…I can imagine its very difficult…And you have my sympathies…But, I think you need to move on… I know its tough but honestly there should be no moral dilemma. She is somebody else’s wife now. Even thinking about her is morally wrong. Thinking about her and missing her is what is morally wrong, not trying to forget her. People get divorced after marriages spanning decades, then get remarried to other people. Mothers lose young children. I know this sounds very harsh but life is about moving on, and thats what religion has asked us to do too. You need to move on…I am sure you will get married to someone nice one day, there’s no dearth of good girls in the world. You can not forget the experience, its been a part of your past, so don’t expect to. But, you can and should definitely move on…
Don’t mind my question…but are you sure you are not using this situation as an excuse or a scapegoat to justify any shortcomings or laziness? I find myself doing that a lot of times, blaming skeletons in cupboards for my own flaws and using them as excuses for my own faults.
I had a friend in college who used to be madly in love with a person. That person ending up breaking up with my friend. It took my friend some time to get over that person but my friend is happilly married now mashallah. My friend did badly in their undergrad because of it too, but in their masters after they came out of it, they got straight A’s.
I don’t want to sound harsh and I’m only saying this because I tell myself this all the time too. You need to get a grip on yourself, got to grow up and face your responsibilities and reality…Your parents have lost their home, you have a sibling, Allah gave you an opportunity, you can improve things…you still can…if you feel you made mistakes, its ok, people make mistakes, everyone does, but now you must make the most of the future and look ahead. Now, you need to gather the scatterred straws and move on and make something of your life. Life does not give chances again and again. You said you are not in good terms with your parents? I can imagine why this must have created bitterness, but at the end of they day, they are your parents, and want your best and I’m sure they’ll be there for you in whatever way you need. They have some rights over you because they brought you to whatever level you are today and it is their right to be disappointed, even angry. But they love you and they will be with you.
I hope my reply wasn’t too harsh…I tell all this to myself everyday too, maybe it came out too strong. Good luck bro. You can do it. Have faith in yourself and your abilities. You came this far. Allah chose you to lead this path for a purpose and you must fulfill it. Its not impossible. You can do it. You just need to focus and discipline yourself. Best of luck inshallah :k:
welcome to gupshup :-)
i wont say i understand or that i can relate to what u've been through. but i will say that u have be strong. do not give up. finish ur education, its never too late for that. you can achieve ur goals even now. second i think u shud talk about what happened to u with someone. some you are close to or friends with or even professional. that shud relieve the burden u've been carrying with urself for long time.
Inshallah everything will be fine with time. just never give up.
Welcome to the board bro. Trust me when i say i can relate to some of your problems. If you need any help feel free to PM me. I`ll try and come up with some advice soon insha'Allah and PM you because i cannot say much over here.
Take care and never loose faith in Allah
Abdullah
Trials and tribulations are by Allah :swt:…No doubt you have been tested for your faith, but you should know that your faith must endure…
Never for a second think that these trials are a punishment for you from Allah (swt)…No! To think that is Haraam…These trials are a reminder, a training for you to go through which purifies you and makes you stronger and a firm believer…
If you take them as punishments from Allah :swt:, then what about the trials endured by the Prophets…Were they being punished? Were the best and the greatest of Humans being punished by Allah :swt:? No! They were being trained and purified for their mission, and who bore more trials and afflictions than the Prophets (May peace and blessings of Allah be upon them)…
Hazrat Ayb (as), from a kingdom reduced to a pauper with worms in his skin, Hazrat Ibrahim (as), being thrown in the fire by his own parents, Hazrat Nuh (as), insulted and ridiculed for more than 900 years, and our own Holy Prophet :saw:, do you think they gave up?
My friend, first of all you should thank Allah :swt: for not dying by your own hands…After Shirk, suicide is the most unforgivable act one can commit…Allah (swt) saved you, so thank him and grow strong…
Trials and afflictions are a blessing from Allah :swt: in which He cleanses you from impurities and purifies you for the Aakhira…You should be worried should you not be tried…
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heretic, the only way out now is to get total control over yourself, and work hard, twice as hard as you did b4, and insha allah thing will improve 
heretic i am glad to see you are enrolled and are working towards graduation :k: way to go bro!
i do have some thoughts to share with you abt grad school and some other stuff too, but i don’t want to write them down here. inshallah i’ll PM you soon.
hmm well in regards to the girl.. that's too bad. It's a situation that's done and over. Be happy in knowing you are capable of such love.... eventually you will come across some one who actually deserves it and will do the same for you.
If it's any comfort and you open your eyes you'll discover there is no one person for us. You should be able to connect with a lot of different people in this world.. its just a matter of finding them.
Though in an ideal world love should be given freely and selflessly I'm learning its a good idea to be more cautious about whom you choose to love. Next time make her earn it.
Family will always put all the blame and pressure on you.. without being able to accept one's emotional state and happiness are extremely important to one's well being too.. there's a whole reason behind this esp in our beloved desi world ..I'll get into that some other time.
Don't give up! Ever! Never mind where you should be and what you could have done!
Keep living.. while you are studying ..still go out and have fun! Meet new people, try new things there's so much in this life to live for and a job and money are not it.
Make other goals for yourself as well. Maybe you want to be able to do something better or try something you've never done before.. be in better shape, learn about whatever etc..
Oh and go out and find positive mentally and emotionally happy people! lol let them inspire you and learn from them.
I think you feel you've lost motivation because you've lost so much. I bet it's very tough, and I won't even pretend to know what that feels like, but I'll say this: Find the source of your motivitation again. If it was goals, then think about them, think about what made you want to reach them before. I'm not going to say this will work, and you will certainly need time (and perhaps needing to hit rock bottom before you realize what you want from life), but I can say good luck.
thanks everyone
hi heretic
first of all welcome to GS
secondly everyone has their own problems, we all face them and to each of they are doom or destruction in one way or the other, but im sure if ure parents really understood what you went through they would be proud of you
holdure head high and carry on what you started, to have faced so much and still survived u must be a very strong person inshaAllah things will gte better for you
I can so so relate to you, heretic. Rest assured you are not alone in such a situation. My own story is not so pleasant and I know someone who went through a worse situation.
Its really a pity heretic. We aim SO high. We aim for things that are near impossible and when we fall short of our goals (for one reason or another), we condemn ourselves to years of depression and isolation and start being a heretic, right? It becomes a vicious circle. You do badly once. You curse yourself for that and do even worse next time around and then curse yourself even more ... till the time that you have nothing more to lose and just whole lot of curse.
I was a top class student for all my academic life. Had always set myself very high (and selfish) goals, worked like a machine day in and day out, "doing well" and being better than everyone else was a "zidd" to me. But of course, life never continues for long on a smooth course. When you put so much pressures on yourself, you are bound to lose control one day. And thats exactly what happened with me. As soon as the ugly face of life confronted me and a few important things in life went wrong (family life shattered, father's business litigated and some un-shareable details), it took a real toll on me. I just didn't have the mental strength to face it.
I started falling short of my own expectations and started becoming more frustrated everyday. By the time I finshed my masters from a top ten american school, I was so totally drained and so totally broken from the inside that I didn't want to do anything in life. Really. I thought (and still do) that I had fallen painfully short of my goals. Hadn't done as well in my academics as was probably necessary for me to do to achieve what I had aimed for. Now I am working in Pakistan, trying to get a feel of life and hoping to start anew on my goals and dreams.
You know what heretic, you always always have to move on. You just cant do without it. You will move on too. Probably, not in a shape as you thought you would be but not bad either. Try to identify the new YOU and accept yourself AS you are right now. That is the you, that you have to deal with, rather than craving to be the guy that you ceased to be several years back. The sooner you do that, the better you would be able to guage your current abilities and work accordingly to improve on them.
ps. You need to relax too. You are probably doing alright by most standards (other than you own) and will do well in life InshaAllah.
You evidently have the support of a lot of guppies, and I doubt there's anything I can add to what's been said by the rest of them that would be remotely significant in comparison.
So, welcome to GS. :)
hey salams..
welcome to gs..
i can sit here n write a long lecture.. ill spare u.. thou.. u got some great advice...
an what doesnt kill u only makes u stronger... U make it... ave faith in urslef n jus believe.. whatever u my go thru now.. it will pass.. In ways time is beautiful.. it flies... good times an bad time.. they all come to an end.. and the gift of time is experience...
Inshallah things will work out.. hang in there..