The Unmarried Girl Syndrome

[X2]

@Iconoclast

^Ofcourse not all. just the type i am describing.

that was not clear from teh first post, it seemed to be casting a much wider net than the one i think you were intending.

anyways so girls who have issues and are using parents illness or something for symapthy or relevance etc, i dont know about laws, but other members of the family must be told the dangers of wrong decisions and its always good to not only have other docs to refer them to for second opinion but reading materials as well.

[porcelain_doll]

Re: The Unmarried Girl Syndrome

u can say i have these victoms in +my home

[Straight_up]

Re: The Unmarried Girl Syndrome

@Iconoclast

i have nothing against unmarried women, i respect and value the fact that they take care of the elderly parents from which many kids shy away, but, if the purpose of taking care is self-need and harms the care-receiver then it is wrong.

Yes, if that's the case - then of course it's wrong.

But since we can't assume for sure this is the case - we can't straight away look for ways to 'rehabilitate' this 'syndrome'. It is quite possible, they don't realise their decisions aren't beneficial for their elderly. Many people also don't trust the doctors nowadays because many docs just want an easy way out of getting rid of the patient as fast as possible.

Also, this "self-need" thing you are speaking about - you've noticed that only in older unmarried girls?

[Iconoclast]

@X2

that was not clear from teh first post, it seemed to be casting a much wider net than the one i think you were intending.

anyways so girls who have issues and are using parents illness or something for symapthy or relevance etc, i dont know about laws, but other members of the family must be told the dangers of wrong decisions and its always good to not only have other docs to refer them to for second opinion but reading materials as well.

other family members are often unable to do anything, coz they are put into corner for not being their with their parents all the time.

[Iconoclast]

@Straight_up

Yes, if that's the case - then of course it's wrong.

But since we can't assume for sure this is the case - we can't straight away look for ways to 'rehabilitate' this 'syndrome'. It is quite possible, they don't realise their decisions aren't beneficial for their elderly. Many people also don't trust the doctors nowadays because many docs just want an easy way out of getting rid of the patient as fast as possible.

Also, this "self-need" thing you are speaking about - you've noticed that only in older unmarried girls?

in "some" older unmarried girls.

[Iconoclast]

@porcelein_doll

u can say i have these victoms in +my home

i am interested to hear about it.

[X2]

Re: The Unmarried Girl Syndrome

yeah, is there a legal recourse because even in cases where parents are makign decisions which can be challenged as harmful to the child their rights can be challenged.
and in teh type of cases you mentioned, if the cliam is that a few siblings have no right to make decisons because they are not primary caregivers then all of them need to be sat down and the pros and cons of each thing explained, and that the decision the decision maker is making is harmful. after that if the rest can not stand up and do what is right for their parents then the problem is with all of them,.

[Bonbonniere]

@Iconoclast

SO i have come across many girls have happened to be unmarried and are past the age. They have elderly parent or parents and for them taking care of the parent has become "the" job. Perhaps that gives more meaning to their lives. They accompany the parent everywhere, specially to the doctor ofice and assume all responsibility of care and decision making, which often interferes in proper care. i dunno how can these be rehabilitated.

In my opinion, these girls come from families who didnt do so well monetarily and then became bread winners for entire households. At some point, they became "of age" and rishtas started coming but they were providers so it wasnt so easy to drop what they were doing, get married and leave their parents. So, they stay. They take care of their parents. They do the right thing and life slips by.

Then, we have people like Iconoclaust who make them seem like the enemy. Unmarried girls who try to feel important by purposefully walking away from marriage to take care of their parents. These unmarried girls, who do they think they are?

You know what bugs me?

Men who shy away from girls/families where there are a few more responsibilities contribute to the problem.

@PunchingMonk

I think If boys stop being an a$$, and consider marrying a girl who is few year older then them, We would not have that issue any more. But our society always look for just-out-of-hatchery-ready-to-breed-chicks. I think a girl who had seen other/tough side of the life can make much batter wife/mother etc.. etc..

Excellent.

[Sheroz]

Re: The Unmarried Girl Syndrome

I know a woman, she is like 50 now and still not married

And guess why she is not? All she wanted in her life was money, she went after money which she got but she didnt get what she needed the most!

And still she is single

[AnGeL_EyEs]

@X2

Being married is not end all be all of life, there are many unmarried people who have more meaning to their life than millions of married people.

they are doing what any good offspring would do for their elderly parents, and if they are engaged, askign tough questions then they are doing it out of concern. in teh end decisin making is with the patient, and if the parents are fine with the daughter making the decisions then it really ought to be no one’s issue. parents make decisions for children, and children make decisions for parents or help them make decisons later.

Elderly parents in many cases get overwhelmed with info and conflicting options and want. They trust that their child is more current, can help cut through confusion, investigate details and suggest the right alternative or approach based on those available to them or suggested to them. To them whether they make the decision or someone they trust makes the decision or helps them make the decision.

Now had the girl been pursuing some high flyign career in tokyo or partying in ibiza we would have something else to say about how they have abandoned elderly parents who need their help.

There is no rehab needed..not atleast for those girls.

well said :k:

@Iconoclast

May be i could not explain myself well.

These girls make all decisons on part of the parent, and none from rest of family can challenge them coz afterall, its only them that are there forthe old man/woman.

Now these decisions are not always in best interest of the parent. Examples, have a guy who has become bedridden, the daughter does not want doctors to investigate the cause, she prefers him all dependant upon her. Another, an elderly woman who has multiple problems, on ventilator for years, with virtually no hope for any recovery, kind of like schiavo case, but daughter wants her alive by all means. Third, a woman who has renal problem that can be corrected by operation but somehow the daughter does not want it.

iconoclast…what makes you think that it’s only unmarried women that are this way? A bit of a generalization here dont you think?

[Straight_up]

@Bonbonniere

In my opinion, these girls come from families who didnt do so well monetarily and then became bread winners for entire households. At some point, they became “of age” and rishtas started coming but they were providers so it wasnt so easy to drop what they were doing, get married and leave their parents. So, they stay. They take care of their parents. They do the right thing and life slips by.

Then, we have people like Iconoclaust who make them seem like the enemy. Unmarried girls who try to feel important by purposefully walking away from marriage to take care of their parents. These unmarried girls, who do they think they are?

You know what bugs me?

Men who shy away from girls/families where there are a few more responsibilities contribute to the problem.

Excellent.

Bonnie, two thumbs up!

[Jaanwar]

Re: The Unmarried Girl Syndrome

I could be having my dumb day because I totally failed to correlate different points given in the original ‘problem’.

X2 - hats off to you buddy :k:

[Iconoclast]

@Bonbonniere

In my opinion, these girls come from families who didnt do so well monetarily and then became bread winners for entire households. At some point, they became "of age" and rishtas started coming but they were providers so it wasnt so easy to drop what they were doing, get married and leave their parents. So, they stay. They take care of their parents. They do the right thing and life slips by.

Then, we have people like Iconoclaust who make them seem like the enemy. Unmarried girls who try to feel important by purposefully walking away from marriage to take care of their parents. These unmarried girls, who do they think they are?

You probably have not seen even one such case and your opinion is basedupon assumptions. All the cases that i have come across the girls were not the bread winners, rather none of them even had a career, which may also be contributing to their behavior.

[QUOTE]

You know what bugs me?

Men who shy away from girls/families where there are a few more responsibilities contribute to the problem.

[/QUOTE]

The same goes for the women, a man with responsibility of younger siblings is considered less suitable than one who is only son.

[Iggle]

@Iconoclast

SO i have come across many girls have happened to be unmarried and are past the age. They have elderly parent or parents and for them taking care of the parent has become "the" job. Perhaps that gives more meaning to their lives. They accompany the parent everywhere, specially to the doctor ofice and assume all responsibility of care and decision making, which often interferes in proper care. i dunno how can these be rehabilitated.

Everyone's kismet is different.

I married young at the so-called-perfect-age but then I was widowed young. Now people see me as an unmarried girl again and tell me I am getting past the age! Can't please everyone! Lol!

Everyone's thoughts, beliefs, opinions etc are so different. I just do what keeps me happy as I am content with who I am. Lol. :)

[Bonbonniere]

@Iconoclast

You probably have not seen even one such case and your opinion is basedupon assumptions. All the cases that i have come across the girls were not the bread winners, rather none of them even had a career, which may also be contributing to their behavior.

The same goes for the women, a man with responsibility of younger siblings is considered less suitable than one who is only son.

You're quite wrong there my friend. Quite wrong. Ive got three very close friends...two of which were primary breadwinners for their families. One of them paid for her whole wedding when she finally did marry because - obviously - her parents didnt have the money. The second only married when her younger ones were able to help out and provide as well. This is just among my super close freinds.

Another friend of mine is an only child and daddy cant work anymore because he is sick. What can she do? The mortgage has to get paid and someone has to do it. So she pays for the house's bills...alone.

My cousin is the primary breadwinner in her house. She is the eldest of three kids, her father suffered a stroke and is paralyzed and cannot work. She graduated two years ago and has been supporting the household single handedly since then.

There are plentyyyy more but that would requre going into more details then are necessary. So suffice to say, its more common then you think.

Every single case I know of is where the girl has no choice but to step up and take care of her family. And she does. But later has to pay for it when people start diagnosing them with "The Unmarried Girl Syndrome". I dont know how you have the courage to post this stuff knowing full well there are PLENTY of unmarried girls on GS past the age that you consider marriageable.

[Iconoclast]

Re: The Unmarried Girl Syndrome

^You are talkign about an entirely different set of girls.

I am talking about a gruop that does not have to work, the money issue is taken care of by other siblings, they are just 24/7 with an elderly parent which gives meaning to their life and gets them respect from rest of teh family. Upto this its all good, problem starts when they use this parent to get attention or make decisions that are not in best interest of their parent.

[S02]

Re: The Unmarried Girl Syndrome

Throwing money around to take care of a parent does NOT take the same kind of investment that dedicating your life to taking care of them does.

[Bonbonniere]

@Iconoclast

^You are talkign about an entirely different set of girls.

I am talking about a gruop that does not have to work, the money issue is taken care of by other siblings, they are just 24/7 with an elderly parent which gives meaning to their life and gets them respect from rest of teh family. Upto this its all good, problem starts when they use this parent to get attention or make decisions that are not in best interest of their parent.

The type of girl that you are talking about is a rare breed and not common at all.

Most desi parents are paranoid about getting daughters married ASAP so it doesnt happen often.

[Iconoclast]

Re: The Unmarried Girl Syndrome

^Nor i am trying to say that its common, the breed is quite uncommon, thats why i think most of you would not have come across one, but health care professionals do see these cases.

[Straight_up]

@Iconoclast

^You are talkign about an entirely different set of girls.

I am talking about a gruop that does not have to work, the money issue is taken care of by other siblings, they are just 24/7 with an elderly parent which gives meaning to their life and gets them respect from rest of teh family. Upto this its all good, problem starts when they use this parent to get attention or make decisions that are not in best interest of their parent.

I guess I'd be lying if I said these girls don't exist.