The Top Ten Rules that Mumbai Taxi-Drivers Follow for Passenger
Comfort and Satisfaction13 February 2000HomeThe FunniesEssays & Rants
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Others’ Words10. Keep the taxi in a rickety condition, so that the ride
is as bumpy and jerky as possible. The passengers will get a free body
massage.
9. Brake hard, suddenly, every 3-5 minutes. This will help passengers
exercise various body parts in an attempt to prevent them from being
flung around.
-
Push the front seat as far back as possible. This will cramp most
passengers in the back seat, thus keeping them awake and alert. -
Blow your horn as loudly and frequently as possible. This will
prevent most passengers from falling asleep, thus allowing them to use
their precious time for more fruitful activities. -
Always swear at other drivers who either drive too slow or too fast
or cut you or don’t allow you to cut them. This will expand the
passengers’ vocabulary. -
Exchange the standard four-cylinder engine for an imported, junked,
three-cylinder one. This will prevent the taxi from going above
40km/hour, thus making it safer for passengers. -
Always drive in the middle of a two-lane road so that no other
vehicle can pass you by. This will prevent noxious fumes from other
vehicles entering your taxi, thus keeping the air inside clean and
breathable. -
Break signals and drive through one-way streets from the opposite
direction whenever possible. The passengers will reach their
destinations faster, thus saving time and money. -
Never carry small change. This will teach passengers the new concept
of rounding off to the nearest five rupees. -
Always refuse short-distance rides. This will make people healthier
by forcing them to walk.
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