Re: the TALK!
some women may want to retrot back 'tis the joys of joint family living'. but please dont mind, see what is it that they need - attention of their son and daughter in law, maybe.
or they are being delibrately, mischief makers.
some thing that is coming in observations alot iin families today, is that parents are consciously or unconsciously looking for trouble - with friends of their own children, or their spouses' or the spouses of their children.
they are anticipating problems in the newly wed's married life, so they make it happen, even though this may not be an issue between the couple itself.
so, the plan a is to respect parents and yes, do talk in front of all.
back biting will still go on, but if you know that without letting your husband and your self, become weak and helpless, you can mold their minds and hearts, by being honest and respectful but firm.
you cant reason always, with people who are set in their ways.
but, being able to work their deployed plans on them so that they may see its flaws, without disparaging the parents in law, you can win them over, hopefully.
persist and you will be successful, if nothing else, at least leaving them with an impression that they would marvel and wont be able to justify their actions to themselves even. they may begin respecting you and giving a space as a daughter to you, but that is also dependent on how much your husband is fair to you and to his parents or is he unfair to his own self as well!
lots to unravel here, bit by bit, and it is not impossible, unless these people are wicked and inhuamn and are abusing you, harrasing you and utterly discordant towards your and their son's happy married life.
in that case, it is different.
first do all you can to give them their chance to correct their behaviors and also correct your own a bit, and see if it works.
this is simply my opinion and what ii have observed in married folks around.
i wish you well. :>
best,
Dushwari