The Status of Parents in Islam

Society Religion & Philosophy
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“If a person looks with love at his parents, God writes in his favor the reward equal to the performance of one Hajj.”

The Status of Parents in Islam](http://www.islamfortoday.com/akhtar01.htm)

By Syed Hasan Akhtar

"Thy Lord hath decreed that ye worship none but Him, and that ye be kind to parents. Whether one or more attain old age in thy life, say not to them a word of contempt, nor repel them, but address them in terms of honor. And out of kindness, lower to them the wing of humility, and say, “my Lord! bestow on them Thy Mercy, even as they cherished me in childhood.” (Quran 17: 23,24)

All religions and all societies have given parents an honorable status. From a purely material viewpoint, we find ourselves indebted to our parents, particularly our mother. She not only nourished us in her womb, but went through pain and suffering. She loved us even before we were born. She toiled when we were totally helpless infants. She spent sleepless nights caring for us. Our parents as a team provided for all our needs: physical, educational, psychological, and in many instances, religious, moral, and spiritual.

Our indebtedness to our parents is so immense that it is not possible to repay it fully. In lieu of this, it becomes obligatory for us to show the utmost kindness, respect, and obedience to our parents. The position of parents, and the mutual obligations and responsibilities, have been addressed in Islam in great detail. The Qur’anic commandments, as well as the sayings of Prophet Muhammad guide us in this matter. The parent-child code of behavior in Islam is unique, since rules were laid down by divine command.

References to parents have been made at least 15 times in the Holy Qur’an. There are numerous traditions of the Prophet Muhammad on this subject. I will first quote some of the Qur’anic verses here:

“And We have enjoined on man (to be good) to his parents. In travail upon travail did his mother bear him, and in two years was his weaning. Show gratitude to Me and to thy parents; to Me is thy final goal.” (Chapter31: verse14)

According to the above verse, gratitude to God and to parents go hand in hand. Gratitude to God is incomplete without showing gratitude to one’s parents. Since being grateful to God is a form of ibadah (worship) which earns heavenly rewards, it can therefore be said that being grateful to one’s parents also earns heavenly rewards.

**"Thy Lord hath decreed that ye worship none but Him, and that ye be kind to parents. Whether one or more attain old age in thy life, say not to them a word of contempt, nor repel them, but address them in terms of honor. And out of kindness, lower to them the wing of humility, and say, “my Lord! bestow on them Thy Mercy, even as they cherished me in childhood.” (17: 23,24)

“We have enjoined on man kindness to his parents; in pain did his mother bear him, and in pain did she give him birth.” (46:15)**

Thus, God has enjoined on us to show kindness, respect, and humility to our parents. We are commanded to do this, even though they may have injured us. The only exception to the above command is made in the following verse:

“We have enjoined on man kindness to his parents; but if they strive (to force) thee to join with Me anything of which thou hast no knowledge, obey them not.” (29:8)

Some of the traditions of Prophet Muhammad, and of the learned members of his family, about our responsibilities toward our parents are quoted here:

“Paradise lies under the feet of the mother.”
“God’s pleasure is in the pleasure of the father, and God’s displeasure is in the displeasure of the father.”
“He who wishes to enter Paradise through its best door must please his parents.”
“It is a pity that some people may not attain Paradise, on account of not serving their old parents.”
“If a person looks with love at his parents, God writes in his favor the reward equal to the performance of one Hajj.”

[Someone asked, “will this promise be good if one looks at his parents one hundred times a day?” The Holy Prophet (pbuh) replied, “even if one does so a hundred thousand times a day, God gives the reward accordingly.”] “A man or woman is bound to be good to his or her parents, even though they may have injured him or her.”

Imam Ja’far al-Sadiq (A.S.), the great-great-grandson of the Prophet Muhammad is reported to have quoted Imam 'Ali (A.S.) that, “disobedience to parents is a major sin.” He also stated that, “if a person looks at the face of his or her parents with wrathful eyes, despite the fact that injustice was done to him or her by the parents, his or her salah (prayer) will not be accepted by God.” According to one of the Hadith-e-Qudsi, the following is reported about the status of parents: “God has commanded that if anybody prays equal to the invocations performed by the prophets, such prayers will do no good if that person has been cursed by his or her parents.”

It has also been related that the very first words which have been written on the Lauh-e-Mahfuz (The Heavenly Preserved Tablet) are: “I am God, and there is no deity except Me. I am pleased with those with whom their parents are pleased, and I am displeased with those with whom their parents are displeased.” Prophet Muhammad is reported to have said: “On the Day of Judgment, my person will not be seen by those who drank liquor, those who on hearing my name did not invoke the blessings of God on me, or those who were cursed and disowned by their parents.”

'Ali ibn al-Husain (A.S.) is reported to have said: “The right of your mother on you is that you should know that nobody could endure the trouble and the conditions under which she protected you and nourished you with the juice of her life, and tried with her heart and soul to satisfy all your needs in relation to hunger, thirst, dress, etc. She passed sleepless nights, suffering anxieties. She provided you with shelter against heat and cold, and protected you from ailments. It is not possible for you to compensate her, or thank her enough for all the services, except that God may give you guidance for that. The right of your father on you is that you should know that it is he who brought you into existence, and you are a branch of the tree of his life.”

According to a reliable tradition, it is related that a man came to Prophet Muhammad and asked him to whom he should render kindness. The prophet told him to be kind to his mother. Three times he put the same question to the prophet, and three times he got the same answer. When he asked the question the fourth time, he was told to be kind to his father, indicating that the mother’s right took precedence over that of the father.

Parents’ duties: Islam has assigned certain duties to parents that they must fulfill. If they fail in those, they will be questioned about it. Besides providing the basic necessities of life, Islam requires that the parents teach their children about the Oneness of God, the Quranic commandments, values, the Prophets and their teachings, and the moral code of Islam as according to the Quran and the Sunnah (teachings) of Prophet Muhammad.

Let us pray to God that He guide us to be respectful, kind, and obedient to our parents, and that we continue to show them humility regardless of the power, position, wealth, and influence we may possess. Let us also pray that we be patient, kind, thoughtful, and friendly with our children, as we guide them through their lives, and that we discharge our responsibilities towards them as required by our religion, so that God may be pleased with us, and may He Bless and reward us, both in this world and in the Hereafter; Ameen.

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Let us pray to God that He guide us to be respectful, kind, and obedient to our parents, and that we continue to show them humility regardless of the power, position, wealth, and influence we may possess. Let us also pray that we be patient, kind, thoughtful, and friendly with our children, as we guide them through their lives, and that we discharge our responsibilities towards them as required by our religion, so that God may be pleased with us, and may He Bless and reward us, both in this world and in the Hereafter; Ameen.

Ameen

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Very nice article! Thanks

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Thanks for sharing! :slight_smile:

:hula:

:hula: :hula:

:hula: :hula: :hula:

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Galaxy, fayax and Asma44, thanks for your replies. :k:

Another article below..

“to treat parents with kindness is one of the greatest commandments of Islam, as is clearly confirmed in the Qur’an”

The Muslim and his Parents](http://www.oneummah.net/qalam/muslim_parents.html)

Islam has raised the status of parents to a level that is unknown in any other religion. Following are the duties enjoined on us toward the most important people in a Muslim’s life - after Allah – our parents. The duties of a son or a daughter are identical.

Treating them with kindness and respect

One of the most distinguishing characteristics of the true Muslim is his respectful and kind treatment of his parents, because to treat parents with kindness is one of the greatest commandments of Islam, as is clearly confirmed in the Qur’an [Baqarah 2:233],‘… No mother shall be treated unfairly on account of her child or father on account of his child…’ The true Muslim spares no effort to show honour and respect toward them, providing them with the best food, clothing and housing - that he can afford- above all, he should speak kindly to them, present a pleasant and smiling face, and show love, tenderness and gratitude.

Recognizing parents’ status

**The Qur’an paints a vivid picture of the high status of the parents and explains the excellent way in which the Muslim should treat them. Allah says, 'Your Lord has decreed that you worship none but Him, and that you be kind to parents. Whether one or both of them attain old age in your life, say not to them a word of contempt, nor repel them, but address them in terms of honour.

And out of kindness, lower to them the wing of humility, and say, “My Lord! Bestow on them Your Mercy even as they cherished me in childhood.”’ [Isra 17: 23-24]**

When our parents reach the age of senility and infirmity, they are under our care. Therefore, we must take time to choose the right words to say to them, words that will make them feel loved and wanted. Also, pray for them for the unforgettable favours they have done for us, as they took care of us when we were small and weak.

**Further Allah says, ‘Serve Allah and join not any partners with Him, and do good to Parents.’ [Nisa 4: 36]

‘We have enjoined on man kindness to parents.’ [Ankabut 29: 8]**

A Hadith-

Abdullah ibn Mas’ud said, ‘I asked the Prophet [s], “Which deed is most liked by Allah?” He said, “Prayer offered on time.” I asked him, “Then what?” He said, “Kindness and respect towards parents.” I asked him, “Then what?” He said, “Jihad for the sake of Allah.”’ A man came and asked the Prophet [s] for permission to participate in Jihad. He asked him, ‘Are your parents alive?’ He said, ‘yes,’ so the Prophet [s] told him, ‘perform Jihad by taking care of them.’ [Muslim vol. 4 Hadith no. 6184]

In the midst of preparing his army for Jihad, the Prophet [s] did not forget the weakness of parents and their claims on their children. He, in fact, asked this man to stay back and care for his parents despite the fact that at that time the Prophet [s] needed all the manpower he could get for the forthcoming war. The Prophet [s] allowed the man to stay back from Jihad because there was no one else to care for his parents.

Obeying them

Disobedience toward one’s parents is likened to shirk [associating partners with Allah]. When the mother of Sa’d ibn Abi Waqqas objected to her son’s embracing Islam, she told him, ‘Give up Islam, or else I will go on hunger strike until I die. Then you will feel shame before the Arabs, as they will say, “He has killed his mother.”’ Sa’d told her, ‘You should know that, by Allah, even if you had a hundred souls, and they left your body one by one, I would never give up Islam.’ [Muhammad by Martin Lings] Then, Allah revealed a verse which the Prophet [s] recited to the Muslims, in which Sa’d was rebuked for the harshness of his reply to his mother:

Allah says, ‘but if they strive to make you join in worship with Me things of which you have no knowledge, obey them not: yet bear them company in this life with justice [and consideration].’ [Luqmsn 31: 15] In fact the jurists agree that if your mother calls for you and does not know that you are offering prayers, it is advisable to answer her if you are offering Nawafil [voluntary] prayers. [Muslim vol. 4 Hadith no. 6187]

Being kind to them even if they are not Muslims

Islam reached new heights by enjoining this duty on its followers. This is clear from the Hadith of Asma bint Abi Bakr as –Siddiq, who said, 'My mother came to me, and she was an unbeliever at the time of the Prophet [s]. I asked the Prophet [s], ‘My mother has come to me and needs my help, so should I help her?’ He said, ‘Yes, keep in touch with her and help her.’

However, if the parents are unbelievers and tell their child to join them in disbelief, he must not obey them in that, for the Muslim must not obey anyone in disobeying Allah. The demands of Faith take precedence over all human relations. If parents are deviating from true Islam in some way, the dutiful Muslim should, in this case, approach them in a gentle and sensitive manner, so as to dissuade them from their error. He should not condemn them harshly, but should try to convince them with solid proof, sound logic and wise words, until they turn to the truth in which he believes.

Mother comes first

The Prophet [s] gave precedence to kind treatment of one’s mother over kind treatment of one’s father. It comes in a Hadith [Muslim vol. 4 Hadith no. 6180] that Abu Hurairah reported that a person came to Allah’s Messenger [s] and said, ‘who among the people is most deserving of a fine treatment from my hand?’ The Prophet [s] said, ‘Your mother’. He asked again, ‘Then who?’ The Prophet [s] replied, ‘Your mother.’ He asked again, ‘Then who [is the next one]?’ The Prophet [s] replied, ‘Again it is your mother.’ He [again] asked, ‘Then who?’ Thereupon the Prophet [s] said, ‘Then it is your father.’

The Qur’an too gives the mother precedence because of pregnancy and breast feeding, and the pains and trials that she suffers during these two stages. ‘And we [Allah] have enjoined on man [to be good] to his parents: in travail upon travail did his mother bear him, and for two years was his weaning: Show gratitude to Me and to your parents: To me is your final goal.’ [Luqman 31: 14]

Treating his parent’s friends well

It comes in a hadith that abdullah ibn Umar reported Allah’s Messenger [s] as saying, 'The finest act of goodness is that a person should treat kindly the loved ones of his father [even after his father has passed away] [Muslim vol. 4 Hadith no. 6193] The highest form of love, faithfulness and respect that a child can show to his parents is to keep in touch with their friends. In this way he cares for his parents before and after death. The only two things help a person in the grave are: the ongoing effect of his charity and his righteous children praying for his forgiveness.

But are Muslims today following this teaching after being overtaken by materialism and blinded by the glare of modern civilization? Nowadays our main concern is focussed on spouses and children, not on our parents. Caring for our parents comes after our concern for spouses and children, and some parents do not even have that, unless their children happen to be among those who have that sense of duty and deep god-consciousness [taqwa]. Do you have taqwa enough to never leave your parents when they need you the most?

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“Obeying one’s parents and treating them with respect and affection is a great virtue and it serves as repentence for a person’s sins.”

Duty of children towards parents clearly defined](http://www.guidedones.com/metapage/introislam/parents.htm)

by - Riaz A. Siddiqui

ALL religions of the world have laid great emphasis on the rights of parents and the duties of children towards them. According to Islamic teachings, to be obedient and to show kindness to parents has been enjoined in the Holy Quran in such a manner as to say that among the noble deeds, to obey parents, treat them respectfully and to show kindness to them is next to worshipping Almighty Allah. The Holy Quran says, “Your Lord has decreed that you worship none but Him, and that you be kind to parents. Whether one or both of them attain old age in thy life, say not to them a word of contempt, nor repel them, but address them in terms of honor.” - Surah Al Isra (17:23).

According to Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him), the parents of a certain person arehis Heaven or Hell. What this means is that if a person obeys his parents, attends to their needs and keeps them happy and comfortable, he will attain Paradise. On the other hand, if he is disrespectful and rude to them, offends them by ignoring their needs and feelings or causes them grief in any manner, his place shall be in Hell. In modern times, a trend has arisen whereby when parents come to be seen as a liability because of old age and physical weakness. They are then sent to ‘old people’s homes’.

But the stricture ordained by Islam makes it clear that shrugging off the responsibility of old parents serves as an invitation to Hell. Both the father and mother are equal when it comes to caring for them and providing them all possible physical comforts and mental peace. The time that the parents need to be looked after most, is in their old age. To serve them devotedly at that stage of their lives is the best way of pleasing Almighty Allah. It is also one of the easiest ways of attaining Paradise. Abu Hurairah, a companion of the holy Prophet, has said that “a person is indeed disgraced, who does not earn Paradise by caring for his parents during the life time and old age of his/her parents”.

A person once asked the holy Prophet, “Who has the greatest claim on me with regard to service and kind treatment?” The Holy Prophet replied, “Your mother and again your mother and once again your mother. After her is the claim of your father, then that of your near relatives, and then of the relations next to them”. This shows that the claim of a mother is greater than a father over the care that you endow upon them in their old age. Serving and obeying parents is a matter of give and take. Those who treat and obey their parents can rest assured that their children will also show kindness and compassion to them. Respecting and caring the parents is a virtue of the highest order that continues to transcend generation after generation.

Asma bint Abu Bakr relates that her mother had come from Makkah to Madinah to meet her. Her mother was not a Muslim and followed pagan tribal customs and beliefs. Asma enquired from the holy Prophet how she was supposed to treat her. The holy Prophet told her to be kind and considerate and to behave towards her as was a mother’s due from a daughter. Obeying one’s parents and treating them with respect and affection is a great virtue and it serves as repentence for a person’s sins. Similarly, to ask Almighty Allah to have mercy on them after death is an act that brings them comfort in their graves. It is the duty of sons and daughters to pray for the forgiveness of their parents after their death and treat their relatives and friends with due respect. In the Holy Quran, Muslims have been urged to pray for the salvation of their parents as shown in the following verse: “And say, My Lord, Have mercy on both of them as they cared for me when I was little”.

The holy Prophet has said that to abuse one’s parents is a major sin. So much so that if a person abuses someone else’s parents and that person, in retaliation, abuses his parents, then it is as though he himself has abused his parents. On another occasion, when asked about the major sins, the holy Prophet replied, “To associate someone with Almighty God, to disobey parents, to kill unlawfully, and to give false evidence”. In the light of the Holy Quran and holy Prophet’s sayings, one can understand that the respect for parents occupies a special place in the moral and social teachings of Islam. -

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lovely! so informative. Thanks for sharing DHP. :k:

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Number Two, thanks :k:

Right to kind words/good behaviour](Parent-Child Relationship in Islam) Excerpt

Quran urges children to be soft-spoken towards parents and show respect and kindness in their behavior towards parents. Unforunate as it is, the Western societies have forgotten these lessons. Young children are rude towards parents and show disobedience. As the parents grow old they drive them out from their homes and put them in “Senior Citizens Homes”. Grown up children cannot spare time to attend to the needs of old parents. The busy Western life has led to a break-up of the family unit (so much upheld in Islam).

**As Muslims we expect our children to adhere to Islamic values and show respect, obedience, kindness, leniency and care towards parents, especially in their old age. Children must not forget the favors and sacrifices of their parents. As good mannered persons they must feel and remain obliged towards parents and try to repay them by kind words and deeds, even with money and material needs.

These are the Rights of Parents due from their children (or the Duties of Children towards parents). These Rights and obligations are not found in Islam only. Such values are to be found in all true religions.** Quran mentions Hazrat Yahya (John the Baptist) as “kind towards his parents, not tough and disobedient”.

Similarly Hazrat Isa (Jesus) is quoted saying to his people, “God made me kind towards my mother (Mary) and did not make me tough and disobedient”. Hazrat Yousuf (Joseph), as a royal Minister in Egypt, called his old, poor parents from their far off home and offered them seats on a high platform (he did not feel shy of behaving in a kind manner to poor parents in the presence of his officials).

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i THINK the only time u can defy ur parents is when they go against Islam?