the shoulds and shouldn'ts of a wedding

Lifestyle Wedding, Fashion & Beauty
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It’s always fun to drop in to this part of the forum and see the pictures and discussions. There are so many lovely traditions, clothes, FOOD, music, etc. that go into making this big day so very wonderful and memorable.

But I just wanted to add this for what it’s worth…I see a lot of posts here regarding “should I do this/wear this/write this on the invitation/wear the dupatta this way or that/etc.” And you know something? You shouldn’t have to do anything.

Do what you love, what makes you comfortable, what makes you happy. You need to balance this of course with the needs and wants of your spouse to be and your family. Compromises will have to be made every once in a while.

But the ground will not open up and swallow you if the lipstick shade you ended up with isn’t the exact shade of coral you were looking for (besides - the bride always looks beautiful on her wedding day…it’s practically a law). You will not be struck by lightening if you wear blue to your mehndi instead of yellow. The marriage will not somehow be invalidated if you decide to go crazy and have fried chicken as your main course as opposed to biryani.

Like I said, do what YOU have been dreaming about. There will always be naysayers…people who will insist on telling you that the bride should do THIS during the mangni, or wear THAT during the valima, or that the invitations should look like THIS. Take it with a grain of salt.

The wedding belongs to you and your spouse.

That’s how I went about it. I didn’t have it in my schedule or my budget to do so many of the rasms and details that so many people do for their weddings (and I’m not criticizing those people). But it was still one of the happiest times in my life. Were there people who still insisted on telling me exactly what I was doing wrong? Of course. But I didn’t let it get to me.

So for all you lovely brides-to be…have fun, relax, and don’t sweat the small stuff. You’re going to be beautiful and you’re going to have a beautiful day…Inshallah.

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Re: the shoulds and shouldn'ts of a wedding

Thanks honey for writing this... needed to hear that this is our time.. and we shouldn't let people get on to us.. we should cherish each day :) hugs!

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Re: the shoulds and shouldn’ts of a wedding

Oh actually it will. See because some way, some how, her wedding picture will end up on a public site, or in a private album where at least one of the viewers is a retard and thinks they have the right to post the pics everywhere…and someone will cirticize said girls’ choice of lipstick. :halo:

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^Ah Sara...I knew I could count on you to inject a bit of...reality into the situation.

You're right. Like I said in my post, there are always the naysayers. The ones who absolutely feel the need to say "the makeup makes you look too dark" or "your wedding outfit made you look stumpy" or idiots who will post private pictures online and proceed to write hurtful things.

Stuff like that will never go away and it can't be controlled. The only thing we can control is our reaction...to let this silly, petulant stuff slide off our backs and recognize the people who do this stuff for who they really are...a group of people who never made it past the grade school mentality, a group of people who are very small and insecure and need to make themselves feel better by putting someone else down.

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Re: the shoulds and shouldn'ts of a wedding

i may have said these tips before, but can't stress them enough, because they're from personal experience so here it goes....

-NO HEAVY DUPATTA...
yes keep the dupatta light! i wanted a high bun dupatta thing but after 15 minutes in the hall....it slid down pulling my bangs and everything back, and it looked bad...so keep dupatta light, once you sit down no one can see the back of your dupatta anyways...it will feel 10x more comfortable .plus if the outfit is heavy it should balance with a lighter dupatta (i think).

- I DON'T RECOMMEND DOING A NAME SEATING CHART!!!
people think that this will make it easier for guests to sit...NOT!! maybe in a gora wedding, but not with desi's auntys and uncles care less where they will be seated, if they don't like where they are sitting...damn right they are gonna switch their seat/tables whether you like it or not, aur plus afterwards they are gonna be like...kaha bithadiya...itni door table tha stage se...dulhan nazar hi nahi aayi. They think they're far from the stage/food cause we put them there on purpose (even though they may have switched!). let them come and comfortably sit with whoever they want...it should be first come first serve. BUT!! a mistake with open seating is to not have a couple tables in the front "reserved" for the in-laws and close family...that way they are sure to get a seat near the stage, where they should be and not weird people that you don't even know take those seats, leaving the important ones in the bakc...but that should be it..AND make sure the "reserved" tables are all SURROUNDING the stage....so people aren't fighting for the tables right near the stage, and its pretty fair now for everyone else for their seats.

-FIX YOUR PIMPLES!!!
if you have pimples...make sure you do everything you can to make them go away, cause they show up in pictures!! if you want nice close up pictures, it will look bad with pimples..its okay to have tons of acne cause that can be hidden with foundation (cause its flat). Im looking at pictures of my engagement, and the close up ones are nice but you can see those few pimples that didn't go away and gosh i regret it!

-DO NOT LET THE PHOTOGRAPHERS MANIPULATE YOU!!!
I remember before my ceremony my photographer would make me do weird poses that totally was "old schooled" and I didn't like it. but since your soo nervous about the night, you don't even care what type of poses he makes you do and you usually just do whatever he says, so you can get it over with and run back to your bridal suite...but you will regret it later....I sooo wish I had taken some of the poses that I dreamed about...so just tell the guy! he will take them however you want it! Later the photographer (like mine) may just put those "old school" poses picture in your album and you will hate looking at it.

PRACTICE WEARING YOUR NATH BEFORE THE WEDDING!!!
honestly your nath is something, that we don't like style it around everyday like a normal thing....so on your big day (if you are wearing one) it may hurt and feel very uncomfortable....especially if its a screw on or a clip on...so wear your nath for a few hours around the house, (just don't look in the mirror wearing your normal clothes! you'll look weird) if it feels okay to you, then thats good...if it keeps sliding off (if you have a oily nose) then you know you better wear a hell lot of oil control stuff on your nose on the day of.

KEEP SOMEONE IN CHARGE OF BEING IN CHARGE OF THE DAMN DJ!!
** -**If you're like me and music and the entrance songs means alot to you at your wedding...I mean i had my entrance song planned since I was 14!! So I want my music to play the RIGHT ONE and at the RIGHT TIME. I had a retarded dj at my sisters wedding who even though we told him exactly which songs to play, ended up playing his reject movie songs!! I was soo mad! we all depended on him and he never even HAD the songs that we told him to have...so HAVE A BACKUP CD JUST IN CASE!! with all your edited entrance songs and ANOTHER cd with the songs you want to play in the background at your wedding. and then have someone stand next to the dj and cue him when to start playing and what track and exactly what time...I want my entrance song to play at the right time...some dj's that you don't know...may end up being "fake dj's" that don't know what the hell they are doing, so its better to keep someone like a cousin or friend be in charge of what the dj is playing, especially at your most important times like your entrances. You don't want to be almost to the stage, and the DJ starts playing the song. Also TELL your person in charge exactly when they should tell the dj to start playing the song....like how much inside the hall you should be walking when it should start playing, and after exactly which lyrics the music should turn off or switch to a different song.

there may be more, as I remember them I'll post them...other than that, relax and have fun! its your day :)

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Re: the shoulds and shouldn'ts of a wedding

^ hehe.. looks like you didn't read OP's post ;)

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i bought this really small, almost transparent looking clip a few days back. it doesnt hurt or slide off either. and looks really fabulous coz it wont show :p

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Great post.

Do what you want, people will gossip even if you do everything in your power to accomodate them. They WILL gossip so stop caring.

If you're happy, your face will glow with or without make up. It just happens...brides GLOW...something about your wedding makes you beautiful!

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All good tips...but the point of this thread was to emphasize that there doesn't have to be any particular way to do these things in order for you personally (and by you, I'm referring collectively to brides and grooms...mostly brides though) to feel happy about your day.

Because no matter how much control is exerted over all of these things you have mentioned, something can still go wrong. But how you react to it is completely within your control. I didn't have a DJ...there was no music at all, in fact. I had no nath, I did everything the photographer asked me to because I'm really not into pictures and I tend to run from the camera anyway. I didn't really think too much about seating arrangements beyond making sure there was a table set close to me and the stage for my very good friends who've done more for me than I can ever pay back.

Did stuff go wrong? Yes. Did people insist on telling me or my mom what we should or shouldn't be doing on the day of the wedding? Yes. Do I regret any of it? No. Because the end result was that I was married to the best man I know after my Baba. I was and still am so happy about that fact that everything else doesn't even register.