during a recent conflict of opinions with my father he asked me to stop being his daughter for a minute and consider his opinion as if he was a normal male, not my father.
I could’nt do it, i cant not think of my dad as my dad. I cant see my mothers and fathers marriage as husband and wife, they will always be mum and dad to me.
Is this strange?
I sometimes think i take my “roles” in life too seriously, but isnt that why we have them?
I was always taught that i was a muslim first, thats my first role in life, what comes next? Daughter, Sister, Grandaughter, Student, Woman? which order should they be in?
Unfortunately, this is something that you have to struggle with throughout your life. Religion aside, only because that is always first and is the basis of all interactions with everyone.
My priority now is wife then mother (Only because if my marriage is not strong, my kids lose). I think also the people you are around determine the person you present to them.
At work, I supervise others so I am decisive. I have a manager I report to, so I am deferential to that person.
To my mom I am a daughter, except when I am a wife or mom.
Every once in a while I feel like a kid, even at 40. I am a student still, but I am a teacher also.
There is no order, just the hat you are putting on with the people you are speaking to at that moment.
could you imagine throwing in "mother and wife" into my so called roles?!!!
How do you balance the roles?
I met someone last week who told me he would never let his children come between him and his wife...his wife always comes first...he went on about how children can ruin a marriage....i wasnt really listening, he should'nt have brought me an ice-cream!
anyway, so then i asked a woman (married with kids) if she would put her husband before her kids? she said no way, her kids always come first.
Im not trying to put teh whole mother/father v Husband/wife thing here, but its all about which role we consider most important.
your so far off the mark Madhe, im not a daddy's girl at all. did u not read the first line..."conflict of opinions" means "war of not very nice words"
Miss_Mohabbat - Personally, I would put husband first then kids within my home. Outside my home, kids rank first. Since I know my husband and I share the same goals and ideas as far as the kids go, so one follows the other.
is it too rude of me to ask why you would put your husband before your kids?
Thanks love, you barely know me though…im evil
im not so sure about the wife part as i pity any fool who marries me, but inshallah i will try my hardest to be a good mother, whatever one is, having lost mine being so young, i think i have a pretty good understanding of how important the role of a mother really is.
Not rude at all, assumptions are rude, not questions.....
I think I answered it earlier in my post, but I'll go further. If you chose a man as a husband (and he, you) with the right values and who shares the same goals, you both work towards the same goal with your kids. I also think a strong marriage is a good example especially these days when marriages are considered disposable. I am a bit old-fashioned in that the man is the head of the household and has final say. That is why marrying the right person is so important.
What if your husband was in the wrong? would you support him then? say for example, somethng to do with one of your children, your husband has the final say, but you dont agree...do you over-ride his role as the head of the house?
This bloke that i met, who was telling me about not letting his kids become between him and his wife, reasoned that his marriage was more important than his role as a father, as his children will leave him someday but his wife will always remain. he said kids can ruin a marriage by playing each parent off each other? his role as a husbans was/is more important to him than his role as a father.
No, we discuss. Open communication. If I don't agree, take him aside, and ask why? Maybe he sees something I don't, maybe he knows something I don't. But overruling or arguing in front of the kids about the kids is wrong. He does have final say, most of the time I agree, sometimes I don't, it happens. But, that is my choice to have things that way, may not work for others, but for me it does.
Again, that is why choosing your spouse is so important. I have confidence that he has the same objectives that I do and that he would never hurt them, so disagreements as far as the kids go are rare.
Is that bloke christian? Doesn't matter really, but that is what we are taught as christians. Your bond with your spouse is a lifetime, that is first, above everything else, second only to your relationship with God.
Everything is a balance. In all your roles you have to balance, way of the world.
