the rishta process- demands

Lifestyle Relationships
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Re: the rishta process- demands

Whatever you name it. What are the negotiations which may hinder the process once the 'prerequisites' are met?

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Re: the rishta process- demands

Never heard of these scales before. Maybe you can define those rating scales too? What is 5/10 or 1/10?

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Re: the rishta process- demands

Sady...let me explain. These are ratings based on physical features. 1/10 is lowest on looks. Not sure about personality. Some people say it like this for example...

Oh yaa..she is 5/10 but her personality is 9/10. It is rating system.

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I dont have an issue with basic demands or prerequisites. Age, education, religion, etc are all valid issues but within reasonable boundaries.

The worst is when they cant deliver what they ask for. Parents of fat lazy boys asking for hoor pari daughter in law. Parents of really of short girl demanding a tall handsome rich boy.

Ive heard of what I think are some pretty retarded reasons for rejection. And then there are those girls who spend the early 20s rejecting left right and centre and after some time complain and moan about not being able to find a decent guy.

Ultimately I believe that we make more trouble for ourselves than necessary.

The sad reality that effects a lot of our people is that their hypocrite tendencies will make them look for a reason to blame others for their misfortune rather than claim some responsibility. People are too focused with what's wrong with someone else rather than how they can better themselves and how their negative attitudes and behaviours are effecting people or situations.

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Re: the rishta process- demands

5 out of 10 (5/10) is average , 1 out of 10 (1/10) is below average and 10 out of 10 (10/10) is above average! These ratings can be based on looks, personality or both...

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Re: the rishta process- demands

wut? 10/10 is the shi*

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Re: the rishta process- demands

My question was not about the numbers but about how it implies on girls/guys. Like what is an average, below average or above average when it comes to girls/guys looking for a match?

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Re: the rishta process- demands

Wow.

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Re: the rishta process- demands

Wowx2

30

Re: the rishta process- demands

^wow are we talking about humans here or inanimate objects!!

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Re: the rishta process- demands

there is no benchmark for averages. varies for each person. but once you pool some responses you will get a fair idea.

sometimes people might even rank the family background and their social setup etc.

It is understandable if people get offended by the rating system, but humans use it all the time and I dont think there is anything wrong with it.

what i do object to is when aunties cross the line and start commenting on the particular feature of the person (her nose is wide, his ears are elongated, her face is round, his nose to eye distance is very high, and what not).

A simple Yes I like them or No I didnt really like them would suffice. Or you might say that I give them 7 out of 10 in the looks department but 6/10 in personality. They can then be compared with someone who has a 5/10 in looks but 9/10 in personality.

Its just a way to break down the decision and make it easier.

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Re: the rishta process- demands

Dear Qeemti Heera,

We have added a phrase in our 2015 Oxford English dictionary based on your Heera-Scale. New phrase is

"Someone's 1/10 is someone else's 10/10"

Thank you for your contribution to Statistics and English Literature.

Your's truly,

Beqeemat Heera
Member Oxford Dictionary Board

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Re: the rishta process- demands

So now we are De-evaluating human beings to so called rating??. Grow up.

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Re: the rishta process- demands

Hardly...you're thinking of it as objectifying people where really it's just rating them on a scale ranging from "excellent compatibility / great catch" to "poor compatibility / unsuitable match" ....most "grownups" do this regardless of how they term it... the ratings just make it easier to communicate/understand

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Re: the rishta process- demands

In the old days when things were not so complicated:

It is narrated there lived a pious man who constantly looked for knowledge and used to give all his time to this cause but he was poor. One day he left home due to his extreme hunger since he had found nothing to eat at home and so he ended up heading towards one of the gardens on the roadside. He plucked an apple and sat down to eat it until his hunger disappeared. But when he went back home, and he started to ask himself how he could do such a thing. Getting up the next morning, he headed outdoor in search of this garden's owner until he found him. This young man then told the owner:

"Uncle, yesterday extreme hunger got great hold of me and I ate an apple from your garden without you knowing and today I have come to ask for your permission for having taken it."

The owner replied:

"By Allah I will not forgive you..In fact I am angry from you until the Day of Judgment where i will complain to Allah about you."

The young lad then started crying and pleading to him to forgive him and that he was ready to do anything for him on condition that he forgives him The lad:

"Uncle, I am ready to work as a garden worker in this garden of yours without a salary the whole of my life or any other thing you wish me to carry out for you on condition that you forgive me."

At this moment, the garden owner stopped to think for a while and then said:

"Son, I am ready to forgive you now but on one condition...."

"My only condition is that you marry my daughter!!!"

"But son... you must know that my daughter is blind, deaf and can not talk. She doesn't walk either and is always seated. For a long time now, I have been searching for a husband for her whom i can trust to take care of her and accept her as she is with all her features which I mentioned to you. I will forgive you only if you accept to marry her."

The lad was once again shocked thinking how he would be able to live with such a burden .How could she take care of him and look after his house when she had such defects?

However he then looked towards the owner and said:

"Uncle, I have accepted your daughter and I ask Allah to reward me well for my intention and that He rewards me with something better than what He inflicted me with."

The owner replies:

"Well then son....your date is next Thursday at my place for the Walimah (celebration) of your marriage and I will be responsible (take care) of her Mahr (dowry)."

When Thursday came , When he knocked on the door, her dad opened the door and let him in. After they had sat and talked a bit, the bride's dad told the lad:

"Please feel free to enter the room where your bride is seated..and may Allah place His baraka (blessings) on you both and around you both. May He bring onto both of you all goodness and mercy .."

He then took him by his hand and led him to the room where his daughter sat waiting .When he opened the door and looked inside, the lad found seated a girl whose face was whiter than the moon and whose hair hang loosely on her shoulders like silk. She then got up and walked towards him with her shoulders stretched outwards and told him:

"Assalamu Alaikum my husband."

Standing in his place, the lad stood staring at her as if he was in front of a hooreya He couldn't believe his eyes and just didn't know what had happened or why her dad had said such bad things about her. She at once understood what was going through his mind and at once went nearer to him, held his hand and kissed it saying:

"I am blind from looking towards forbidden(haram) things and I am deaf from listening to forbidden talk and I am unable to talk about forbidden things. My feet too do not walk towards haram things....I am the only child of my dad and for a couple of years now ,my dad has been searching for a good pious husband for me. So when you came to him asking his permission for an apple and weeping for its sake, he told me: 'Whoever fears from eating an apple for which he hasn't asked permission for acquiring it, then he will sure look after my daughter and fear Allah in treating her badly'......so congratulations to me for having you as a husband and congratulations to my dad for having you as his son-in-law."

(They would later have a son named Nu'man aka Imam Abu Hanifa (ra))

36

Can someone please explain why people are getting so wierded out by a rating system? I mean as desis we generally are much harsher with our words. Whats wrong with rating in terms of appearance?
Also anyone who says they dont in any way is a dirty liar and nothing more.

But I must disagree with the rating system. 1/10 is below avg? No thats atrocious.

1-4 below average
5 average
6-10 above average
10+ way too good for me.

None of this wierd abstract rating system please.

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Re: the rishta process- demands

We judge inanimate objects all the time, don't we? We can tell instantly whether one shirt is better than the other....whether we like one house more than another.....whether we think a certain cat is nice etc etc etc. It's an innate and automatic behavior; it's built within us......and it does not switch off when looking at people. We look at celebrities and easily remark which one we feel attracted to and which ones we don't. It becomes more offensive when it becomes more personal....in other words when we find ourselves on both the giving and receiving end of it. We know instantly whether we are physically attracted to someone....but some people will themselves to look past looks for other qualities and others have a harder time overlooking certain things. I think all of us....even those of us who chide for superficiality...have found ourselves "not that into" a person for reasons which others may find trivial. I don't know what to think anymore. I've seen people who reject rishtay for various reasons that others deem objectionable... end up getting married at some point. So, that just makes me think k agar qismat main hai shadi....then it'll eventually happen to the person it's meant to be with

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Re: the rishta process- demands

Yes KoolKanwar I think to rate some persons looks on a scale............

actually the person themselves were not responsible for looking like what they were granted!

therefore we are actually rating the Almighty's own handiwork if you may!

that in itself is quite arrogant............that is to say ...........if a so called 10 falls for a 1 then are we not going to allow that to happen?

Beauty is always in the eye of the beholder is what most people say!

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Yes KoolKanwar I think to rate some persons looks on a scale…

actually the person themselves were not responsible for looking like what they were granted!

therefore we are actually rating the Almighty’s own handiwork if you may!

that in itself is quite arrogant…that is to say …if a so called 10 falls for a 1 then are we not going to allow that to happen?

Beauty is always in the eye of the beholder is what most people say!
[/quote]

Id say youre stretching what ive said by miles.

Apart from your holier than thou remark who said anything about not allowing it to happen? Why would u even think that?

And yes beauty is in the eye of the beholder. Every beholder should know that.

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Re: the rishta process- demands

^^What about judging someone on their intelligence (or lack of it).. isn't that also Allah's handiwork?