the rishta process- demands

soconfused · January 29, 2015, 4:57pm

Re: the rishta process- demands

We do judge pretty quickly. But when going an arranged marriage route, do we really have much choice? All our decisions are made by taking things at face value because really how else would you narrow down the prospects?
I guess I didn’t think much of it when my parents were looking for a rishta for me, but now I realize they were pretty picky too. And I’m glad they were that way because I was the one who ended up benfitting from it.
From their perspective, the guy had to:

Be a doctor or engineer (this is a family thing…not sure why. My mom even rejected an accountant and pharmacist because of this)

Come from an educated and good family

Have a decent job

Live in North America

Decent looking (not fat or unattractive)

Be tall (my request)

Have similar values to our own (family, values, culture, language, background, etc.)

Not be against me working and/or pursuing post-grad schooling if I wished
They apparently rejected people out of hand who didn’t meet any of the above criteria. I love my folks to pieces and I know they only did this because they wanted the best for me…but honestly, sometimes I’m surprised they managed to find anyone fitting this criteria. Fast forward to the present, here I am happily married to a wonderful man
In my experience, it’s not a bad thing to have standards…just don’t be unrealistic (e.g. “3/10” girl/guy demanding to marry a “10/10” megarich superstar who will move countries to be with them, never say no to them, etc. etc.)

my parents have the same demands but add to that “syed” “punjabi” , etc and it became crazy. I ended up falling in love with a guy that was all the above EXCEPT the syed/punjabi part and all hell broke loose for a while. They all like him now so it’s fine but I agree. Some standards like education, etc are fine, but when you start nitpicking small random things–it becomes a problem.

The trend in our community is asking for a guy that’s a dr/lawyer even if you aren’t one. There’s girls with associates degrees that have been rejecting rishtas on the basis that he wasn’t a dr. I mean, to each his own, but I don’t get it. That, and the weird new trend of wanting the guy to be an only child/have no sisters.