Spin off from the thread about the broken engagement.
I don’t consider the discussion about the past to be a big deal. Everyone has one and if things don’t work out between you and who you’re talking to…voila! Now you have one.
So is it really that important to know each and every single detail about a guy or girl’s past relationships? Is it problematic if you don’t know?
My mom said something interesting a few months ago…she said she’s still learning things about my dad.
Why do we have this desire to know it all when it probably has nothing to do with us in the first place?
"Why do we have this desire to know it all when it probably has nothing to do with us in the first place?"
Because it helps us understand who you are and what your priorities are.
"So is it really that important to know each and every single detail about a guy or girl's past relationships?"
Who said anything about finding out each and every single detail? Just the big picture (in my opinion) is important to disclose.
ps: Reha, your mom is probably finding out things about your dad because people change throughout their life span. What was once upon a time doesn't always remain the same way.
Hmm interesting. I would have certainly wanted to know about my fiance's past . I'm okay with 1-2 past relationships, but if someone's been in many more than that, it would have been a red flag.
However given how sensitive this issue is, I think it's best brought up after some comfort and trust is established between the couple. This shouldn't be one of the first topics to be discussed simply because it is very polarizing, and may cause you to judge someone without giving them a fair chance.
"Why do we have this desire to know it all when it probably has nothing to do with us in the first place?"
Because it helps us understand who you are and what your priorities are.
"So is it really that important to know each and every single detail about a guy or girl's past relationships?"
Who said anything about finding out each and every single detail? Just the big picture (in my opinion) is important to disclose.
ps: Reha, your mom is probably finding out things about your dad because people change throughout their life span. What was once upon a time doesn't always remain the same way.
My mom is still finding things out about my dad's life before her...the changes that come about once married are not what I am referring to.
Hmm interesting. I would have certainly wanted to know about my fiance's past . I'm okay with 1-2 past relationships, but if someone's been in many more than that, it would have been a red flag.
However given how sensitive this issue is, I think it's best brought up after some comfort and trust is established between the couple. This shouldn't be one of the first topics to be discussed simply because it is very polarizing, and may cause you to judge someone without giving them a fair chance.
Probably one the trickiest and most sensitive topics to discuss.
What I hate and what I have encountered is the absolute hypocrisy of: “You tell me all about yourself?” I’ve nothing to tell, which is actually met with disbelief because apparently everyone has to have a past and if you don’t have one, you must be lying
And then when I *dartay, dartay *asked the same question back, the response I got: “But why does my past matter, judge me for who I am now.”
I always found asking questions about someone’s past made me feel intrusive and I hated broaching the subject, yet the guys rarely if ever had the same takalluf with this question and wow, some of the questions were just horrid.
i think we should not concern so much about past.we should live in a present and future.everyone have past..everyone make mistakes. we should let it go and focus on present and future :)
if it doesn't infringe on the other half's spousal rights, it's none of the rishta prospect's business. men and women have the right to remain private. one should NOT ask embarrassing and/or intimidating question.
True. The past is only important if it affects now like Saeed mentions above. Otherwise only now is important. Living in past you become history like old person. Living tomorrow you become a foetus/child who has not lived and is dependent on tomorrow. Living today you become a person living life in the moment. If they're good and you watch their behaviour and notice it to be impeccable then why blame for tomorrow. If my printer had made mistakes with my printing yeterday but today it was good i would forgive it.
I've seen too many desi guys that have had double standards about this issue. they can sleep around but the woman has to be one that just came out of her mother's womb and became his woman. She has never met or spoken with another man ever. If she has, she's a slut sort of hypocritical men.
I would like to meet one desi guy who is actually fair in his views!!!!!!!! Ones that have some values and morals and won't prejudge girls that were raised outside of the old country.
I've seen too many desi guys that have had double standards about this issue. they can sleep around but the woman has to be one that just came out of her mother's womb and became his woman. She has never met or spoken with another man ever. If she has, she's a slut sort of hypocritical men.
I would like to meet one desi guy who is actually fair in his views!!!!!!!! Ones that have some values and morals and won't prejudge girls that were raised outside of the old country.
I think some desi guys have modernised from this set of views. I met a guy on gs who was very liberal and had 1 relationship with a girl but said he wouldnt judge a female for any past relationships she had physical or not. He is really fair and most open minded guy i met. He is from India and lives in India. Even Indian guys here are not that open. This all happened when i was talking to him about double standards and how all desi guys are like that. bechara had to face a lot from the past experiences id heard from friends. My brother is also liberal in that the past doesn't matter and its now that matters. Even if he has had 0 relationships and she has had 1-2. We are Indian though so maybe it's different.
I know a Pakistani guy who stayed in same college who had relationships but im not sure of his views he sounded liberal.
I can ask my desi friend to make a guest appearance. He has been offline for a while tho.
Why do we have this desire to know it all when it probably has nothing to do with us in the first place?
Because we (humans) are by nature curious. Curiosity runs in our blood since time of Baba Aadam. Sometimes we can take the truth and sometimes its just to hot to handle.
Personally, I believe on what u dont know wont hurt you unless of course its directly related to me and no those 6...7...8 rishtey that my begum got before mine are not related to me. To me they are just losers :)
I think guys (and girls) are a lot more open minded/non judgemental these days about the past. And you Sir are a prime example of open minded and non judgemental guy.
