The ones that are divorced....any regrets?

[Reha]

Re: The ones that are divorced…any regrets?

@khattichic

(I’m starting this thread on behalf of a user who wishes to stay anonomys)

Any negatives that you might not have foreseen?
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The only negative I hadn’t foreseen was how vulture-like my lawyers were. SO I fired both and did everything myself…I watched them and they weren’t doing anything I couldn’t do. And it was sooooooooooooooo easy I was considering a career in it. Try to educate yourself before you hire someone.**

After you’ve been divorced for a while and feeling the reactions of other desis?
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Other desi people don’t know how to react and you have to remember this when you’re dealing with them socially. Its not their fault and since our society is still opening up to divorce…you can use this as an opportunity to teach them. Make it easier for someone else who might be in your shoes someday and need that support. You have to show others that your life WILL go on. Its not the end. When I was going through mine and even afterwards…one surprising comment I got was “you don’t look divorced”. It made me think of how divorcees are viewed…miserable? Sad? Angry? Unhappy? **

When someone asks where your wife or husband is do you tell them that you are divorced, especially the ones with a child or do you only feel the need to tell certain people?
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Shuru shuru mein…I was terrified of telling people. I didn’t even know anyone around me that was going through one who could guide me. I decided that once I was strong enough, I’d let them know myself. And I did eventually. Until that point, I would say “he’s home” or “he’s sick” or something else. Do I feel the need to tell anyone? No. Its none of anyone’s business. Unless you’re my immediate family - you do not have access to any info I do not want to disclose.**

The reason I ask this is that the words husband and wife have such sweet, loving thoughts connected with them and when you experienced all those bad times, in some abuse, during the marriage, it must be hard when someone associates those sweet words with someone like the ex that has caused you so much pain.

obviously the ones that had long time friend probably still are friends with them but after divorce was it easy to make desi friends or was there judgment…

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When you’re married…you hang out with married people. When you’re single…you hang out and know a lot of single people.

When you’re divorced…unless you go looking you won’t find others like yourself. Its the scarlet letter of our culture…call me crazy but I found it liberating.

If you took a step, you’re already brave. Take another step, search for others like yourself who you can benefit from or who can benefit from you.

I started (in conjunction with a few others) a support group. The group is no longer that active but the best part of it was that people found a place where they didn’t feel out of place anymore. Single moms met other moms. Girls who were in court could talk about issues they were dealing with. No man bashing was allowed. It was just a place to talk about what lies ahead…not behind.

You WILL shed the negativity you might be feeling when you think of the word husband or wife. That day comes - guaranteed. But the timing is different for all. You have to heal, work through your feelings, overcome weaknesses and make yourself ready for anything life will bring you.

If we were all meant to live life the same way…there’d be no need for Allah swt to make us different. Our differences are an indicator of how different our paths can be. Divorce is NOTHING.

Try battling a life threatening disease at the age of 22 with two kids to look after and no one to help you through it. I’ve met people like that on this journey and it put my hiccup in perspective.

This too shall pass.**