The Old Guard - Keeping traditions more alive in the West than Back Home

[mAd_ScIeNtIsT]

Am I the only person who is finding that arranged marriages are more common amongst their family in the West than amongst their family in Pakistan?

I found myself (I’ve lived outside Pakistan ever since I was 1 year old) arguing with a girl at work who spent her whole life in Pakistan until she was 18, and found myself arguing the case for arranged marriages whilst she was saying that she was scared of arranged marriages and wanted a love marriage instead.

Am I the only person with this thought nagging at the back of my mind? If you think it is true, then why is this phenomenon occuring?

[Muzna]

Re: The Old Guard - Keeping traditions more alive in the West than Back Home

You are not the only one.
Perhaps the only change I would make is call it "arranged introductions" rather than marriages.

There's a lot to be said for your parents recommending someone. They do know you best.

[cat-woman]

Re: The Old Guard - Keeping traditions more alive in the West than Back Home

^ yeah Muzna is right, its more about "arranged introductions" nowadays rather than the traditional 'see each other on the wedding day' type marriages, and there's nothing wrong with them really.

[PyariCgudia]

Re: The Old Guard - Keeping traditions more alive in the West than Back Home

Your parents do know you very well. But how well do they know the opposite party and the potential mate?

[cat-woman]

Re: The Old Guard - Keeping traditions more alive in the West than Back Home

^ I know my dad is a very good judge of character - I'd take his opinion on a guy without batting an eyelid.

[lazy_daisy]

Re: The Old Guard - Keeping traditions more alive in the West than Back Home

I see it more of living in a society or culture that hasnt been allowed to evolve for various reasons.

the chaps in paks live in a pak culture that has evolved and changed and accepted "modern" ways of thinking

[PyariCgudia]

Re: The Old Guard - Keeping traditions more alive in the West than Back Home

ironic, you'd think living in a foreign environment would induce the evolving process to go faster.

[AnGeL_EyEs]

Re: The Old Guard - Keeping traditions more alive in the West than Back Home

@Muzna

You are not the only one.
Perhaps the only change I would make is call it “arranged introductions” rather than marriages.

There’s a lot to be said for your parents recommending someone. They do know you best.

i like that…“arranged introductions” thats kind of like when i say “semi arranged”
i agree parents look out for ur well being with ASSISTING you in finding a mate. Sometimes they look for things that we would overlook.

[Ansoon]

Re: The Old Guard - Keeping traditions more alive in the West than Back Home

^ sometimes they can overlook the things we would notice.. it goes both ways.

[suroor_ca02]

Re: The Old Guard - Keeping traditions more alive in the West than Back Home

@cat-woman

^ I know my dad is a very good judge of character - I’d take his opinion on a guy without batting an eyelid.

ditto :k:

for someone who has a great relationship with their parents, arranged or in betweens is not really a problem.

[Mr_Bombastic]

Re: The Old Guard - Keeping traditions more alive in the West than Back Home

@PyariCgudia

ironic, you’d think living in a foreign environment would induce the evolving process to go faster.

Precisely! according to human nature.

my parents are ALHUMDULILAH quite religious and they have put their utmost efforts to raise us in as typical islamic enviroment as it could get. Though, We have never talked about this issue as such but in back of my head i know they will love to guide me finiding my rishta or my behen bhai’s rishtaz but they wont force it on me. atleast , not my dad. mom is a bit typical which i totaly respect.

[funguy]

Re: The Old Guard - Keeping traditions more alive in the West than Back Home

Arranged marriages are very risky. Parents may find a nice and respectable family which is also well to do and educated but the off-spring may be a total work of art. Parents put too much emphasis on Khandaan and their place in society. All this crap camouflages the actual person who you would be spending your life with. I know of two friends who were trapped with arranged marriages and got married to two bitches. They regret it to this day.

[suroor_ca02]

Re: The Old Guard - Keeping traditions more alive in the West than Back Home

funguy, that doesnt make 'love marriages' any less riskier. keep in mind the divorce rate is almost the same now for both of them now adays.
marriages require effort n time and patience. it doesnt matter what type of marriage u had/have, what matters is how much are u willing to put ur effort into it to make it work.

[Mr_Bombastic]

Re: The Old Guard - Keeping traditions more alive in the West than Back Home

^ agree .. son of a gun lie too much man ! just had this cousin shadi, and the groom side came out fake. like everything they told my cousin's dad was a lie . they were bunch of poor mofoz who married her for money. my cousin bride's brother almost jumped a member of their family, situation is up on its extreme. plz do dua for her ... she was my favt/cutest/loveliest baaaaji :( .

Allah sab theek ker de .. AMEEN !

[Ansoon]

Re: The Old Guard - Keeping traditions more alive in the West than Back Home

I kinda agree with funguy here.. desi parents have high standards when it comes to shaadi.. uss ka khandaan kiya hai.. us ka bhai kiya karta hai aba amma chacha nana.. dada.. yaar shaadi mein nay larki sey karni hai .. parents should only worry aobut her and her parents.. she is not responsible if her chacha did something stupid or mamo.. or whatever.. dont' care about money.. sigh.. long list i will just shutup here

[Kaleem]

Re: The Old Guard - Keeping traditions more alive in the West than Back Home

@cat-woman

^ I know my dad is a very good judge of character - I’d take his opinion on a guy without batting an eyelid.

I knew there was redeeming quality in you somewher…what a “farmabardar bachi”

[system]

Re: The Old Guard - Keeping traditions more alive in the West than Back Home

@Muzna

You are not the only one.

There’s a lot to be said for your parents recommending someone. They do know you best.

Totally Agreed

[system]

Re: The Old Guard - Keeping traditions more alive in the West than Back Home

@cat-woman

^ yeah Muzna is right, its more about “arranged introductions” nowadays rather than the traditional ‘see each other on the wedding day’ type marriages, and there’s nothing wrong with them really.

well id love it if mine’z a traditional ‘see each other on the wedding day’ type ust be fun )

[lazy_daisy]

Re: The Old Guard - Keeping traditions more alive in the West than Back Home

@PyariCgudia

ironic, you’d think living in a foreign environment would induce the evolving process to go faster.

on the contrary, they hang onto their culture because it is precious to them

for example the british in India or brits in Africa…still live their life acording the brit traditions when they were in the country

PGC, if you parents went to live in the congo
would they want their girls to be bought by the local chief for a goat?

if you had grown up there and wanted to marry this chief, your mammy and pappy would have their reservations and would prefer to do things via their culture…not this wierd foreign type

[PyariCgudia]

Re: The Old Guard - Keeping traditions more alive in the West than Back Home

^ Then why not just stay in Pakistan?