or i guess hide the truth… which happens a lot around rishta time…
but what is the point of it? Im not talknig about lying to one another (like ur fiance/hubby) but to people..
why do people feel the need to hide how they met their spouse? Why does it always have to be that “a mutual friend” introduced us.. who is this mutual friend?
ive a good friend who recently got engaged.. a very confident, beautiful, outgoing person mashallah.. who met her fiance over the net… most of her close friends know about it too.. infact we’ve even met the fiance.. but now the stories that are coming out of how they met and so on.. are just bizarre.. kinda makes u think.. “are they embarrassed by it?”
Because human instinct, for the majority, tends to be pretending to be part of the herd. They don't want to act in a way that will make others perceive them as different or "strange".
In their case, they probably feel that there is a stigma attached in society to the kind of people who look for love on the internet and are trying to make sure that stigma does not apply to them.
^ i guess.. but the sad and confusing bit is... and that which makes them look completely foolish is that most of the people do know how they met... it was not hidden to begin with... but once the parents got involved.. lies and twisted stories are coming about..
Actually, I'm doing a similar thing at work, and with my parents. When they ask me how I know people in Toronto, instead of mentioning that I'm hanging out with people I met on the net I say that it's people who I've been introduced to by my old friends in the UK - friends of friends.
In the case of my parents it's because I know they'll be unduly worried, and in the case of the people at work it's because as a manager I don't want to have the perceived stigma of socialising online attached to me.
So, its not so much a general question about lying, or even lying after rishtas etc.. its actually more specific to why people feel embarassed about net-relationships.
Maddy... don't you think by glossing over the fact that you meet all these wonderful people over the net, you are prolonging the stereotype? The stereotype, in this case being, that all net users are creepy, loners and liars and only lamers/losers go on the net for friendships. Why not be upfront and say that there is this wonderful online community of Pakistanis and I have met several fabulous people in real life through that site.
^ exactly Faisal (oh and yeah... its not really lying i guess.. not on their part but maybe the parents)
my family somewhat in the beginning did believe that the net is a dangerous world... and oh yes it is and can be.. but if ive met someone decent online, i will and have in the past informed my parents about where and how i met the person...
I am not really embarrassed by the fact that I am involved in an online relationship. What bugs me is that people get confused about the whole situation and start asking you every possible question they can come up with. Some will start throwing insults, others will look at you weird and many will start giving you advices. I am sure a lot of us keep this fact to ourselves to avoid the confusion and dumb questions we have to deal with every time we mention it to someone.
lol thats funny coz recently an old acquaintance got married and everyone was told she met him when she went for a wedding to india and they met and the guy insisted they get married.
I was told another version recently though, that they actually met over the internet and he came down to see her first and thereafter she went to India. I was telling my parents and laughing!
Versions amuse me, cause I work in a 98% male environment, I come across 20 versions of what I was doing in the disabled toilet.
Some spicy, some ridiculous and some entirely bizzare.
it is their wedding and upto them if they want to tell other people as to how they met. Be it on the net or in the street. It's just sad that other people have to snoop around to find out as to how they met as if it is any of their business.