The most difficult years of marriage ..

[Theorist]

Re: The most difficult years of marriage ..

@khattichic

The first two years are bumpy as you’re learning to live with each other, learning to compromise and adjust, etc.

It’s my belief though, that as people grow and mature, their needs and wants change too. It’s like the peaks and valleys analogy. There will be ups and downs, so you need to adjust your pace to match those. Certain experiences like birth of children, death of parents, financial difficulties etc all impact the way a couple of relate. It’s how you cope with those changes that is the key.

I like Ghost’s points because I feel like in desi marriages, there isn’t much of a concept of “couple time” or an emphasis on the husband and wife’s relationship separate from the kids, parents inlaws etc. When my twins turned 1 and eldest turned 3, my husband and I were on the verge of losing our minds lol, so he planned a week long get away abroad, just the two of us. My Ammi and sister graciously offered to stay with the kids, yet I caught so much slack from extended family and inlaws haawwww haaaiiing about how could we even think about taking time for ourselves with such young kids. Well I say it’s that ability to make each other a priority that got us through my darkest times when I lost both my parents to cancer within the same month. It changed my marriage completely and I was not an easy person to be around. That was around our 10th year of marriage and we definitely hit a rough patch, but now, 5 years later, we’re stronger than ever before.

I am a firm believer in alone time, one on one time, date nights etc for husbands and wives. It can’t all be about the kids, parents, work etc all the time.

and that is why I don’t have kids. I am already pretty difficult to deal with.

I am sorry to hear about your parents. That must have been extremely hard on you.