Finally, I gave up and agreed to have a maid-girl for my 21 months old boy. I had always stood against my family after coming back home from States to have a girl looking after my baby as its a must in Pakistan. Though my wife always had a tough job on hand taking care of baby and wanted some help in this regard.. The main reason for my backing out was security of the kid - who has become so difficult to control that we virtually have to keep guard on him as he has run few times out of the house..
The girl we arranged is daughter of our previous servant.. a very humble 12 years old (she has 5 more siblings) who is very efficient worker and a very good maid. Keeps the out-of-control trouble 2 yrs old monster in control - even cares for him a lot.. the kid is very happy to have her as her guardian..
Still I feel remorse sometimes for depriving her from her familys company (i know she would be at some other place to work if not here) .. the yrs where she can learn a lot.. though my wife plans to teach her at home still the education that can lead her to some distinguish place wont be coming .. she is just like any other Pakistani 12 yr old girl who might be enjoying with her family and has a sure great future… society in Pakistan is cruel in these matters.. stereotyping sections of society for the work they are doing.. dunno how many generations of this girl will be free from this vicious cycle..
If you tread the girl nicely and give her education, as your wife plans to, then I think the girl will have a much better life than somewhere else. I understand your dilemma, life is cruel for the poor people in Pak, but if you can make a difference to one invidual and if everyone does this, then somehow we can change the whole system.
but also as long as we take these people for granted and cannot live without their services, such people will allways be there.
At one hand, these people need the money, thats why they employ their kids as servents, maids, otherhand if no one will give them a job, what will happen with them, they will have to beg or live on zakat forever.
Degas bhai very true...this is really a sad part of our society...
still i think she will have a much better life in ur home than her parents could have given her in that sense...and she will be able to visit them etc...
if u give her some education that would really be a noble deed
I hear you Degas bhai. It is extremely difficult to watch these young girls work at home, cook, and clean for someone else. Most of them are married off by the age of 15. When I was in Pak, our maasi’s also wanted to get her daughter married (she was around 14-16 age range) and the girl really wanted to study. I talked to my maasi and encouraged her to make her daughter go to school as that’s what she wants to do. And the maasi was like if she studies then nobody would marry her in our ‘braadri’ as the guys are not educated either. Plus one less person to bring home the moolah. I felt so helpless and upset. You are so right - it is such a vicious cycle!! I don’t know when it will end sigh
not everyone can be rich....
it sounds harsh, but it is the reality, a certain percentage of any society has to be poor if our civilization is to advance....
This is something I have an impossible time getting used to while in Pakistan. I mean most people we know have maids. Yet when you do think about it ,I suppose if you're helping them it might add up in the end. There were a few girls who had no financial means , so I can understand that if they were hired as maids, they would get food, clothing and a bit of money. Yet its the whole psyhological feeling of thinking that you can actually "use" a person that I cant seem to handle. It's as if servants, maids etc are not people or are less than us in a human way? I dont know.
I am not sure I understand this point. Rich and poor is one thing… but in the context of this discussion, I don’t think a civilization needs maids and personal servants in the home to advance. Am I missing something?
Degas, if you treat her well, and make sure she has a better future than she could ever have had at her home without your interventin, then i guess everyone's a winner here..
kindly read the post again.. its nothing to do with rich and poor.. these people actually earn more than most salary persons in Pakistan.. but waste it on many occasions.. post was about a girls limited options.. poor is a person who has no urge to enhance his/her position in society.. here problem is the limited chances she has even she wants to make her place in the world..
what happens when she IS educated .......... She'll have to marry somebody her parents have chosen, they'll hardy be able to marry her off to a an educated lad who'll accept a daughter of a hired home help.
Do you think the education she receives will open doors for her or do you think she'll be able to glimpse a life that she has no access to.
Do you think that perhaps by the end of it all she'll become disillusioned and dissatisfied with her life?
By educating her, will you be helping or damaging her?
[QUOTE]
Do you think that perhaps by the end of it all she'll become disillusioned and dissatisfied with her life?
By educating her, will you be helping or damaging her?
[/QUOTE]
Sounds like a feudal arguement -- why educate the masses? They won't know what to do with it.
My husband is Pathan. His mother and family were dirt poor. His father left his wife to raise all the kids by herself. She did everything she could to make sure all her kids went to college even though everyone told her it was a waste of time and expense. Because of her strength, sacrifice, and determination, all her sons have Master degrees and all their children are currently attending high school at the top of their classes or colleges in Pakistan, England, and America. This includes the girls, which is a big thing. My husband is paying for his neices way through Medical College and she is the first girl in his area to have any higher education.
And it all started from an uneducated, illiterate, determined woman who saw what education could do.
In Islam, education is valued regardless of one's social class. I find it disgusting that some here would even question whether or not the girl should be educated.
If Degas's wife does give the girl an education, may Allah SWT reward her greatly for it.
skhan - not irrelevant, the generation of my husband was educated in Pakistan, INCLUDING the girls/woman. As I mentioned this next generation are all attending higher education INCLUDING the girls/woman (oh yeah --- in Pakistan, too). In case you missed it, the neice is in Pakistan and at the top of her class.