is it normal for girls to feel jealous or threatened by their brother’s wives? i mean, has anyone here felt a strange sense of frustration when your new bhabhi isn’t exactly as nice or sweet to you as you wanted? how come goras don’t have these issues?
Re: the jealous sil
not its not normal, its just you :)
Re: the jealous sil
We care too much. Just ignore it and do your thing.
Re: the jealous sil
I think women feel jealous of other women alot.Doest matter in what relationship context they are in.
is it normal for girls to feel jealous or threatened by their brother's wives? i mean, has anyone here felt a strange sense of frustration when your new bhabhi isn't exactly as nice or sweet to you as you wanted? how come goras don't have these issues?
Goras have the same issues we do...we just dont hear about them because we tend to socialize with them less.
Its very normal to be a little aloof in the beginning. Just remember, these are lifelong rishtay...they take a while to build and not everyone is born with the talent of knowing exactly what to say/do at the right time.
When Im nervous or shy, I come off as rude and anti-social. Do I want to be that way? No. It just takes me a while to open up to people and until then I keep my distance. Maybe bhabi needs some time to adjust or needs to be shown she is not an outsider anymore.
is it normal for girls to feel jealous or threatened by their brother's wives? i mean, has anyone here felt a strange sense of frustration when your new bhabhi isn't exactly as nice or sweet to you as you wanted? how come goras don't have these issues?
If you look on the Internet, you will find websites where goray laug share their nightmarish experiences with in-laws. I had a teacher in high school would would frequently bring up her "monster-in-law" during the lessons. At work, one of my gori colleagues will occasionally talk about the eccentricities of her in-laws. Problems b/w in-laws are often times a result of insecurities/jealousies...and these emotions are not only confined to the Desi race...they're human nature. One reason you might hear about these issues often amongst Desis is because of the joint-family system. In Western culture....you move out...and when you get married...you live with your spouse away from parents and siblings. This is not always the case in Desi culture.
I think jealousy is a normal human emotion...nothing unusual, but it's important to keep it in check. You have a person who will be a new addition to your family...and you may feel threatened that she will change the dynamics of the relationship that you have with your own brother. Try to keep in mind...that she herself might be feeling apprehensive...because she's the newcomer...who is trying to fit into your life (that you are already comfortable and familiar with). Understand that your brother now has a wife.....you can't make him pick and choose between you and her. A sister and a wife are TWO DIFFERENT relationships...with different rights and....neither can be replaced by the other. They can't even be compared cuz they're so different. His time may have been divided between his family, work, and friends before.......and now there's a wife as well.
Goras have the same issues we do...we just dont hear about them because we tend to socialize with them less.
Its very normal to be a little aloof in the beginning. Just remember, these are lifelong rishtay...they take a while to build and not everyone is born with the talent of knowing exactly what to say/do at the right time.
*When Im nervous or shy, I come off as rude and anti-social. Do I want to be that way? No. It just takes me a while to open up to people and until then I keep my distance. * Maybe bhabi needs some time to adjust or needs to be shown she is not an outsider anymore.
I'm the same way....also if I'm not familiar with a person.
Re: the jealous sil
this reminds me of a friend in our social circle.. they are well off.. she marries into a not so well off family... at teh same time her bro marries a girl from a poor family... so now the rich sis becomes a not so rich sis and the poor girl married to teh bro suddenly is swimming in gold... end result.. sis is jealous of the bhabi... she scoffs everytime there is a dawat and the girl walks in wearing an expensive designer suit and says the weirdest things like.. kabhi silk naseeb nahi hua ab bareeze pehen rahi hai .. etc etc... i never understood taht train of thought but man that is one pissed sil!
:k:
Re: the jealous sil
I think it is best that no matter how paly pally or close you think you are to a SIL that it is best to keep a distance..
I had my fingers burnt
:k: :k:
my bhabis are very nice....they are both very friendly and caring..i am the youngest amoung siblings so i got pampered alot, even from my bhabis.
when mom visit pakistan then my bhabis take extra care of me ... like they would ask me what i would want to eat for breakfast, lunch and dinner plus my bhabi would sleep in my room so that i dont get scared....
i love them alot and i am really lucky to have so caring bhabis..
i have friends who always complain about their bhabis ..like how rude they are and how mean they can be
They do get jealous.
Even in this day and age , you would think your husbands sister's would be a little more accepting.
I have an older SIL and 2 younger ones. Younger one's are normal and sweet, elder one ( she is 5 years older than me , recently got married) seems to detest me yet infront of everyone she is sweet as sugar!! )
Things on her wedding got so bad , that on her mehendi she claimed i got oil in her eye. Funny that my fiance was standing right behind me and he knew i didnt even put my finger in the oil ( didnt want to ruin my nails) ... and numerous issue's later i decided to IGNORE her. I saw her last weekend and ignored her compeltely to which she started acting like a kid and saying things loud for me to hear.
Eventually as the evening progressed and i ignored her in any conversation i was having, she txt me and wanted to talk for the sake of my fiance ( fair play to her) ... so i went for a drive and she acted all innocent oh whats the issue?... and i told her excatly what i told of her.
She think she is the princess of her house, funny thing is she might be but i'm an only child and i refuse to take rubbish from her especially when my family is so loving. The problem is she feels like she is being 'shifted' and that i'm going to take over her place as my wedding is the current talk of the family as everyone is so excited ( when it was her wedding it was her turn right?)
And the concept of going from a rich house to a poor house still exists. She married the guy she loved who is relatively poor in comparison to her dad. Wherhas me and my fiance are both of the equal level in terms of our families are MasAllah well off after all the years of hard work.
So where she could go out buy handbags from LV, mulberry etc she now cannot. As her husband's income is used for things like a mortgage, providing for his sister etc.
And to be really honest gora's do have these problems, but its not as bad as asians. Goray people don't get involved in eachother's lives and they get drunk if things are bad ;)
bottom line is , we are all entitled to a happy married life, we should respect our spouses families , but there is no need for the unneccesary issues. :)