Dear the diary,
Today morningtime I am feeling the little better. the mohammad sami is to giving me his samosas, and after that is giving me the oil bath, and I am the feeling fine. he is good servant. sometime, the sami is sleeping on floor of my room, at foot of the bed. other time, the sami is sleeping in hallway of hotel, outside door of the shahid afridi. sometimes, I am afraid the shahid afridi is to kill the mohammad sami.
after oiling I am sitting in big tub of bubble bath, playing with rubber effigy of the Shoaib Akhtar. this I do for relaxation purposes only. I am passing effigy forth and back, forth and back, with the mohammad sami. sometimes the sami is to pull out effigy’s arm, sometimes I am to pulling out effigy’s head. we are laughing and having good time. but then we are interrupt by long distance telephone call from Pakistan. It is spiritual advisor from Multan. He is asking me if I am pray to the Gods regularly. I tell him I am always to pray the almighty. Then Spiritual Advisor asking if I have any question for him about Meaning Of Life. I am thinking, and then telling: “Yes, I am not to understand how Indian fellow and Pakistani fellow (please is to forgive him) not only play in same team, but also play against the Pakistan? Please to help me understand this?” Advisor suddenly saying he has the call waiting, and is tata-bye-bye on me. I am hold the line for two hours, but spiritual advisor is to not to call back. So I am not knowing answer to this question.
I am realize it is the only one man to help me find answer. he is the Andrew Flintoff. I must to find him. I am pray to Almighty for help: “Are you there, Gods? It is me, Inzi. Please to help me finding the Andrew Flintoff.” First, I am look Down-is-stair, in hotel lobby, but I am not finding anybody. Only tent of Mushtaq Ahmed is there, in corner behind sofa. So I am going to relieve liquid-burden in lobby bathroom. Inside bathroom, I am see someone I am recognize, also relieving liquid-burden. At first I am thinking, this is another English player who is not the Andrew Flintoff. But when I am standing next to him, I see properly his face in the mirror. It is the Darrell Hair umpire. So I am to say, “Hello, the Darrel Hair umpire.” but when the Darrel Hair umpire is to see me, he is shock. his face is become red like tamatar, and quickly quickly he is jumping and squeezing out his liquid expulsions. He is the shouting: “Please, the mate! Please not to hurt me. I am not to be against your team again, the mate!” and then he is running away. After he gone, I am stroking my beard and thinking, now I am knowing for sure something that all our team is suspect for long long time: That the darrel Hair Umpire is not to wash hands after using bathroom. I am remember from now on, to always wearing the glove when shaking his hand after the play.
written by Maxwell Demon (Aladdin Sane), BBC Asian MB
