1-If anything can go wrong, it will.
2-The only worthwile programs of the night will broadcast on stations you don’t receive.
3-When a body is immersed in water, the telephone rings.
4-If you leave the shower to answer the call, the telephone stops ringing.
5-If you buy a CD for a song you absolutely love, all the rest of the songs will be lousy.
6-The driver’s side windshield wiper always wears out first.
7-When attempting to open a locked door with only one hand free, the key will be in the opposite pocket.
8-A good woman is known by what she does, a good man by what he doesn’t
9-The rice cakes you ate for lunch don’t cancel out the choclate donut you grabbed for breakfast.
10-That which is attatched with only two bolts is directly behind something attatched with eitght.
11-Anything mistakenly thrown in the trash will retrieved only after the trash can is full and messy.
12-The two physical bodies cannot occupy the same a place at the same time… unless they are riding on a croeded bus.
13-The heavier the suitcase, the fartherr the walk to check it in.
14-The hardness of the butter is in direct proportion to the sofrness of the roll.
15-Just ater you’ve made both ends meet, someone moves the ends.
16-The one who says it cannot be done should never interrupt the one who is doing it.
17-When taking something apart to fix a minor malfunction, you will cause a major malfunction.
18-If you don’t buy it when you see first, it won’t be there when you come back.
19-To say a human being is nothing but molecules and atoms is like a Shakespeare play is nothing but words and letters.
20-If it works out correctly the first time, something is wrong.
22-The cost of framing exceeds the cost of art.
23-When working on a project, if you put away a tool that you are certain you’re finished with , you will need it instantly.
24-If a lost thing is found, something else will disappear.
25-Nothing is as easy as it looks.
1)The system will crash ONLY if you havent saved your work.
2)Better you prepare for the exams, worst you DO in them.
3)You dont have to change anything in your thesis unless you print it out.
Very interesting Mr. bazooka- thanks
here are some more:
26) You always find something the last place you look.
27) If there is one seat on an airplane with a defective seatback, it will be on the seat in front of you.
28) The most heavily traveled streets spend the most time under repair.
29) Plastic wrap sticks to itself better than it sticks to anything else.
30) Wind velocity increases in diret proportion to the cost of the hairdo.
31) The species is protected only after it is hopelessly depleted.
32) The child who begs to sleep late on school days will be up before dawn on the weekends.
33) The most flattering comments on your hair come the day before you're scheduled to have it cut.
34) If you want it but you don't and you can't understand it but you do, it must be love.
35) After paying $15 for the hotel breakfast, you will find a deli next door offering he same thing as a $2.99 breakfast special.
36) No bill changer accepts your dollar bill in the frist try.
37) To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism; to steal from many is research.
38) Carry-on luggage is always two inches larger than the under-seat area available for its storage.
39) The more an item costs, the farther you have to send it for repairs.
40) The inrcease in quality is inverse proprtion to the incresae in price.
41) No matter how early you arrive, someone else is in line first.
[This message has been edited by SSultan (edited 11-25-98).]
Murphy is getting hot...
Other queues always move faster than the one you are always in (even when driving)
Thank you Punjabi munday and Soha for your contributions. ;)
here are some more:
Doing it hard way is always easier.
Everybody is upset about something.
The gifts you buy your wife are never apropos as the gifts your neighbor buys his wife.
The client who pays the least complains the most.
If you cannot convince them confuse them.
Nothing is ever so bad that it can't get worse.
The other line moves faster.
If you change lines, the one you just left starts to move faster than the one you are in.
Switching back screws up both lines and makes everybody angry.
The less important you are to the corporation, the more your tardiness or absence is notced.
The pay raise is just large enough to increase your taxes and just small enough to have no effect on your take-home pay.
Insurance covers everything except what happens.
Any food that starts out hard will soften when stale, any food that starts out soft will harden when stale.
When leaving late, you will go unnoticed.
When leaving work early, you will meet your boss in the parking lot.
You never get away, you only get some place else.
The one who snores fall asleep first.
When packing for a vacation, take half as much clothing and twice as much money.
All pluses have their minuses.
Life is too serious to br taken very seriously.
Delay is the deadliest form of denial.
If you like it, they don't have it in your size.
A conclusion is the place where you get tired
of thinking.Any child who chatters non stop at home will refuse to utter a word when asked to speak to a visitor.
No matter where you go, there you are.
*The possibility of getting lost is derectly proportional to the number of times the direction-giver says "You can't miss it"
The one time in the day you lean back and relax is the one time the boss walks through the office.
The larger the menu the quicker the waitess come to ask for your order.
To err is human and to blame it on someone else is even more human.
When the plane you ate on is late, the plane you want to transfer to is on time.
We learn from history that we do not learn from history.
IF IT IS BAD IT WILL BE BACK...
:):) :): :): :): :):)