Re: The hypocrisy of Pakistani women
Does that mean that we'll have better balanced pairs in the future, meaning bride and groom finally not clashing about cultural sensitivies anymore when one is more 'western' than the other? I've yet to see a couple with such a background who doesn't encounter these problems.
Re: The hypocrisy of Pakistani women
Yep tell me about it.
There are good balanced mother in laws out there but there are some really crazy In-laws out there too.
People just expect too much these days.
Re: The hypocrisy of Pakistani women
I think the responses to my post reveal a lot about experiences of people.
UK Pakistanis seem more backward than the USA nationals. That's because most migrants were unskilled labourers from poor backgrounds and mostly from villages. That's NOT a derogatory comment but a fact that official statistics will tell you. This affects mindset and hinders integration and doesn't break the chain migration process of marriages with cousins from Pakistan - it keeps control and wealth in the hands of the UK national. How bloody backward! Why would you marry a cousin?! Why wouldn't you want to marry someone based on wanting a relationship with him or her and his or her family?! And those that marry UK nationals for the passport but then realise they are treated appallingly deserve it - ask the right questions and fact find about the guy or girl before saying yes to the rishta!
It proves that the root cause and problem are women - my brother married a British citizen because my mother and i had always discussed that this was best for him and we'd support his decision. That's because my mother and I are secure individuals who work and have our own lives and want healthy loving marriages based on mutual respect in our family. No hidden agendas or control
Freakery. Oh and we abhor dowry or jehaiz so my brothers wife and her family were told in strictest terms that this must not be part of the marital relationship.
As a second generation Pakistani my children will not be encouraged to have a mother in law who was born and brought up in Pakistan. I don't want them to suffer from mental health problems.
My son will not be allowed to marry the daughter of a UK guy who married a girl from Pakistan.
Re: The hypocrisy of Pakistani women
I think the responses to my post reveal a lot about experiences of people.
Really.. how post modern :P
What if him and the girl love each other....
Will zalim samaj (you) come in the way... Awww
Re: The hypocrisy of Pakistani women
It is true that many Pakistani's in the west are backward, not all, but many definitely are, or they are semi backward in any case. I've seen it in my own family and most of our family friends have the same mindset: not letting children decide their religion (inform them about it, but let them decide about it once they're older, which those parents mostly refuse), they rarely let their children marry outside the family, they rarely let their children decide when they want to get married, many still consider a female better if she can cook and keep 'good housekeeping' than if she is well educated, not allowing females a divorce no matter how horrible the husband treats her, blaming the female if a male harrasses her in any way or even goes further, etc.
From the way I was raised and what I've seen from most of our family friends here (in the Netherlands), I was always surprised how people in Pakistani dramay let females walk around without duputta, have male friends without getting in trouble because of false accusations about that innocent friendship, quite often decide who they'd want to marry and when they'd want that, or actually dance, etc. I often thought it was just for tv and not reality of life in Pakistan, because of the Pakistani family friends and our own family members here. And then the music, I wondered about that, I wasn't alllowed that but there were Pakistani music acts, did they create that outside of Pakistan then? But they didn't, I was surprised how they managed to do that in Pakistan while Pakistani family friends and my family members insisted it's haram and we're not allowed to listen to it and as 'proper Pakistanis' we should obey. Those were their words.
Visiting Pakistan years later, was a shock and a surprise, so different from what I was always told. I then realised that what is deemed 'proper Pakistani behaviour' depends on the area you're from and on what your own family is like. Every part of Pakistan is different with sometimes big cultural differences. In later years I learnt that there are places in Pakistan where concerts are even normal and people don't create problems for females who want to divorce. I'm still learning about what Pakistan really is. Unfortunately my family members and most Pakistani family friends here are from stricter areas. By imposing these super strict out-of-place rules on their children, they often create problems. And that does reflect on their roles in society. I'm not saying they're all bad, I'm not saying they are wrong in everything, but things certainly aren't all going well here.
However, we do have valuable views in our culture, no matter which Pakistani area you're from, which many western places don't have. For example, children consider peers who study well as 'nerds', but not in a cute way, they actually hate them because it isn't considered 'cool' if a person gets excellent grades all the time, that's the way it was in the 80's and 90's anyway, while in Pakistan it's fine to study well. Fellow students there won't harrass you and humiliate you for that the way it's done in many Dutch schools.
Another positive aspect of Pakistani culture, again from any area, is respect for other people. Being polite. Well, it isn't very Dutch. There is in most cases not even respect for teachers here. I understand it if a teacher is a horrible person, but Dutch children, no matter what age, mostly dislike teachers and when you're the favourite of a teacher, children laugh at you. In Pakistan teachers do have respect, people mostly value the responsibility and efforts of teachters, you won't find that in most Dutch places. Also the respect for people older than you, difficult to find in the Netherlands. I'd understand if older people are nasty, but even the kind and gentle older people are often not respected in Dutch culture. They used to be in old times, but not in the time when I grew up and still not while I've been raising my own children.
So cultural problems are only the fault of westerners, nor only the fault of Pakistanis or whatever foreign people. Can't say one culture is entirely terrible and the other is only amazing.
Re: The hypocrisy of Pakistani women
Living in Canada, I think Pakistani community here has a different problem. I fail to understand why they won't mix as much with other communities, not learn even basic English, not know how to use bank cards and atm machines.
This is so basic! You need to know how to function in the West in cases of emergencies at least. What if the hubby is out and heating won't work during the winter? What if you need to go to the doctor? I knew this one lady who didn't know how to measure the right dose for her kid who was sick.
Like how do you even exist?
Re: The hypocrisy of Pakistani women
Perhaps part of that is because in some families the females aren't allowed to know. When I was married off, I had to live in France with husband and his family. At first, I wasn't even allowed to learn the language, only much later after many difficulties and many people telling them to let me learn the language properly I was learning French, even then I was the one who found a place where foreign females could take French courses (I had had basic French in Dutch secondary school, that was never enough for life in France). I wasn't allowed to go outside much, nor to make friends, only much much later and even then it was limited and none of the inlaws liked that. Even my own childhood friends were mostly forbidden. My passport was taken away, without that I couldn't become a member of the library for example. Living without books is very difficult for me. Much later did I have the chance to bring some of my own books from the Netherlands. And after a few years husband went along to the library to become a member himself and see if I wasn't making friends there when I borrowed books, which I couldn't do without his presence. My inlaws just wanted me mostly to remain at home, do cooking and cleaning and obyeing anything they demanded, giving birth to many baby boys for them and that's it. I've heard from some other fellow Pakistani females that they endured similar inlaws and husband, so my case is not the only one.
That is only part of the problem however. There are also females who are just too lazy or too busy perhaps to learn the language and their way around in the country they live in, I don't know. Their family members take care of everything, so these females aren't interested in knowing the language of the country they live in. And they have plenty of fellow Pakistani friends to talk to, so their thinking is 'why should I learn the language of this country?'
Someone also explained to me once, that in her own country (she was not from Pakistani origin btw) she was never schooled, she couldn't properly read nor write in her own native language, let alone learn a new one. Well, perhaps she was right, or perhaps now she had a missed chance of having some sort of education here. Things are not always black and white, sometimes they are more complicated than we know.
Re: The hypocrisy of Pakistani women
. I'll be interested to see how many of the UK or US born guys who married girls from Pakistan marry their own daughters to Pakistani national guys - oops perhaps they won't - does economics have
This is wrong.
See if us/uk born guy married a girl form pak, and have a grown daughter, who he wants to marry some where.
That means his decision of his own marriage was not wrong, because she raised a healthy reasonable girl out of that marriage.
Also he has wish to find her a good husband, that is natural. And YES economics is important.
Re: The hypocrisy of Pakistani women
I know someone who does know how to use a phone… like literally, does now know how to turn on/off, dial, nothing at all … and has moved from Pakistan over 12 years ago … try THAT for basic 
Re: The hypocrisy of Pakistani women
I am sorry to hear that but personally, I have never come across any woman who was told to just stay at home. Most Pakistani husbands do not force their women to either work or stay home - it is a woman’s personal choice. And that is absolutely fine, however you should know the basic things like the closest pharmacy , grocery store , doctor’s clinic, emergency numbers. You should be ready for emergencies, especially when you have little kids!
MOST Pakistani women know at least broken English yet they are too shy to make a conversation, use bank cards or something. I see Chinese Asian ladies who literally don’t know a word, many rely on those translating gadget yet they get done what needs to be done. There are laundromats here being operated by Asian ladies who understand NO English yet there they are, operating their own business!
Amazing! How do they do anything in their lives!!!???
Re: The hypocrisy of Pakistani women
I am sorry to hear that but personally, I have never come across any woman who was told to just stay at home. Most Pakistani husbands do not force their women to either work or stay home - it is a woman's personal choice. And that is absolutely fine, however you should know the basic things like the closest pharmacy , grocery store , doctor's clinic, emergency numbers. You should be ready for emergencies, especially when you have little kids!
You are very lucky then, not to know Pakistani husbands who force their wives to stay home. I have yet to see one who forces his wife to work. Yes, it should be a woman's personal choice. And yes, you should know the closest store, emergency numbers, etc. I agree, especially when you have little kids.
Re: The hypocrisy of Pakistani women
Amazing! How do they do anything in their lives!!!???
Whenever she needs to talk to someone, she has someone else do the dialing etc.. then she talks.. otherwise, she can't..and won't even bother to learn .. I don't get it
Re: The hypocrisy of Pakistani women
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