What will I expect? We had gone to see them just because our families are close and his mother just recovered from cancer we wanted to see her as well after all she’s gone through. When I was growing up, I remember feeling she was very much proud of being the mother of 3 boys and when it was time for one of the elder boys to get married, she was asking for a house and paying for his master education as “gifts” for marrying their daughter. This was in the past.
Getting back to the present, I hadn’t seen the youngest son, the guy that will be coming in July, since we were in middle school so we did sort of grow up together but I lost touch after high school and college with him because he went away to his ivy league college and then got a job all the way in Silcon Valley.
The first time when we saw each other again. After talking to him, I did fall in love based on our initial conversations and it felt right. I can’t stop thinking about him. He’s really shy and cautious and so am I. Compatibility is there because we have a common language and culture so it’s something that’s familiar because in the world and state I live in, it’s very white and black, nobody from my particular culture. Families already know each other for so many years.
They’re coming in 3 months and not sooner because his father is traveling out the country now and then in May my father is traveling out of the country so the only time all family members will be present is in about July.
I don’t want to do anything stupid or impulsive. They’re coming Saturday around lunch driving 4 hours and most likely because of the long drive my father will ask them to stay for the night and leave in the morning. How should I act because i’ve never gone through having someone that I don’t know whether he will be my husband or not and with all the uncertainty, I don’t want to be attached thinking they will be interested and then have my heart broken.
Whatever you do, do not make eye contact. Because as they say "Naina thag lein gey".
Why do you say that?
I already made eye contact with him when we visited them. My dad was talking with him so I was just trying to fix my hair by hand combing it, looking up he was staring at me the whole time. I don't know how long he locked eyes but he already got me to fall for him after that. I'm surprised my father didn't see all this. I had to motion with my eyes to get him to give attention to my father since my dad was still talking to him when all this was happening.
Allah protect me from all the heartbreaking men that do the "naina thag lein gey" stuff. Obviously, I had to look up. I can't keep staring at my hair or the floor or the furniture. I was doing that the whole other times..
Why do you say that?
I already made eye contact with him when we visited them. My dad was talking with him so I was just trying to fix my hair by hand combing it, looking he was staring at me the whole time. I don't know how long he locked eyes but he already got me to fall for him after that. I'm surprised my father didn't see all this. I had to motion with my eyes to get him to give attention to my father since my dad was still talking to him.
Then it's already too late. Your mind will not rest until you satisfy it's unquenchable need to be loved. That moment, that particular insuperable moment of eyes being locked, that gesture of the eyes must've been recking havoc on his mind. The heart and the mind now at war with the emotions. The 4 hour long drive, the awaited gaze with which to ease the mind will be ever present. He will search for you and also for your eyes. You must make the contact in this case. You must give in, if it feels oh so wonderful then something tells you that this is right. Tell me if I'm wrong? But you do have feelings for the guy? You must not let these moments escape, these are the memories which we hold. The time of the dreaded forgoing era of futile skittish wanderings of "What if I see him, what if he sees me" is long gone. You must love and fall in love, do not let this chance go by. We live our life afraid of what might happen and let go of the memories that we could've made. We put our egos before us, instead of living in the moment. Do not be a stranger this time. Have a little fun, talk and smile. He'll never forget it.
Do you see the contradictions in your own statements? If you don’t want to do anything stupid and don’t want to get attached without knowing for sure that the guy AND his family will say “yes”, then why did you already fall in love? You already are at a point where you can’t stop thinking about him.
Just act normal. The families have known each other for years and you have met/talked to this buy before. No reason for you to act like this is the first time you’ve met him. Stay relaxed. Act like this is a family that your family has know for years and they’re just coming over for a visit.
Based on what you wrote, it sounds like you need to talk to the guy more and find out if you’re truly compatible. Do both of you want the same things in the future? If you marry him, I assume you’re ok with moving to Silicon Valley? What expectations does he have for his future wife and can you fulfill those expectations?
Also, don’t you have a child that’s 9/10 years old? Please correct me if I’m wrong and am mixing you up with another poster. But if you do have a child, then you would obviously need to make sure the guy is willing to accept the child without any reservations. If if you do indeed have a child that’s 9/10 years old, are you planning on introducing your child to this guy at all before finalizing a decision?
Having a common language/culture certainly helps but if you have not yet discussed anything specific with this guy in terms of marriage, expectations etc…then you have no clue whether he’s compatible or not. By allowing yourself to get attached so quickly, you’re only setting yourself up for stress and potential heartbreak.
^I’ve noticed you love using this emoticon for most people here that ask for advice, like we’re all idiots or something. Thank you Paheli, I pray that I can be as perfect as you some day. He moved from California when he found out that his mother had cancer and lives in my neighboring state. His family and he know everything about me. I don’t know whether it’s love that I feel. I’ll eventually move on if it doesn’t work out and he finds someone else but since our families are connected, if he ends up marrying someone else, I would have to face them. I’ll prepare myself to call him bhai then. For now, I would like to prepare myself for July because whether I like it or not, they’re coming and my parents will be visiting me at that time too.
really dont understand what you are asking. way too many random details, my head spins. you like a guy, and he and his family are coming for lunch one saturday three months from now. but why are they coming? is it a marriage proposal? and when you say “do something stupid and impulsive” what did you have in mind?
and paheli, i hope i can be as perfect as you one day too.
@OP ... i would like to add one thing and that is the guy and his family shouldn't stay overnight at your place. they should stay in a hotel if they have to stay overnight.
you just be yourself. play it cool. don't take too much stress. just take it easy! :)
Yes, I like to use it when I’m wondering what the poster is thinking when they wrote what they wrote. It doesn’t mean they’re idiots or that I’m perfect. You wrote about how this guy already made you “fall in love” with him and you can’t stop thinking about him…yet at the same time, you’re saying you don’t want to get too attached and get hurt. I don’t think you’re an idiot. I’m just wondering why you would allow yourself to get so attached to a guy already when nothing is official if you don’t want to get hurt.
Well if the guy and his family already knows everything about you, and the families have known each other for years…then why do you feel like you need to prepare yourself for this visit? Why can’t you just be yourself? What is there to “prepare” for in a situation where the family has known your family for years and the guy already knows everything about you?
And what do you mean whether your like it or not? Did your parents invite this family to come over without your express consent? If you like the guy then I would think you would like for his family to visit you in order to move forward to the next step.
I only skimmed thru the post but I think I get the point. A guy your attracted to is coming over and might stay overnight o la la ;) you should talk to everyone in his family and ofcourse him too. Try to show your best side and be friendly inshallah you might hear a good news. If the guy asks for your number before leaving, I think you should say oh yeah take my landline, its always charged lol or dont say that but just be very hospitable. No matter if people are coming to see you or just visiting, always make them feel comfortable and welcome. Dont shy away from his fam or him, it seems rude most of the times and gives bad impression of you. Please also post an update when they come over and tell us what happened good luck x
Just relax and act yourself. You will be fine. Let the parents do the talk. The fact that they are coming over is because they are interested. you’ve known the guy from before, so it shouldn’t be too hard to make general conversations.
And if you do feel anxious (start counting 1,2,3 to calm your nerves). Always works.
Though I have have better things to do but they are not as fun as searching crap on GS. :bummer:
----±++++_------------------------------
OP, like everyone is saying be yourself. If the family/guys shows interest and you two start talking, make sure he understands your priorities before you emotionally attach yourself with him. If they don’t show any interest, no worries, enjoy the company and have a good time with them.
is that a trick question? from the original post i got the impression she is around 17, naive and in “love” with a guy she doesnt even know. now she has a 10 yr old kid on some old thread.
You’re making things confusing for yourself by assuming OP’s age. She’s a divorced single mom. No where near 17. I assume she’s around 28/29…(plus or minus 1-2 years?).
