Enjoy. 
http://www.cricket365.com/story/0,18305,6575_2821260,00.html
For the average fan, picking a cricket team to support is a bit of a no-brainer. The country of your birth automatically claims your allegiance.
But here at Cricket365, we’d like to believe that our readers are a slightly more discerning bunch, making their choices on grounds of aesthetics, style, history and a liking for really big bats. The bigger the better in fact.
As such, some of you may find yourself undecided as to exactly who to shout for as you drunkenly wind your way through the sunburnt masses at your local shrine to the world’s greatest sport.
As a service to you, we’ve put together a floater’s guide to the world’s Test-playing nations - a crash course that will allow you to pick the team that matches your cricketing needs perfectly.
Whether you’re a born winner with a pathological need for success or a quiet mouse who accepts defeat as their lot in life, there’s a team out there to suit your needs.
So without further ado, here’s Pakistan.
Where to see them
On the first flight home from most international tournaments despite having the best squad in the world pound-for-pound.
Linguists claim that the word choker is derived from the ancient Pakistani term ‘choake cher’ which literaly translates as: Man who wilts under pressure like trunk of dead elephant’.
Pakistan’s recent World Cup campaign added some credence to the claim that, when the pressure is on, its best to call an Australian.
Checklist
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Do you have the firm belief that, despite carrying 20 extra kilograms and having the physique of a caged hippopotamus, only bad luck and a lack of opportunities is preventing you from being ‘Just like Inzi’?
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Do you feel that Shaoib Akhtar’s penchant for dressing like a deranged clown suffering from acute colour blindness makes him a fashion icon rather than a laughing stock?
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Do you feel that the ICC’s stubborn insistence on banning players for steroid abuse is the mark of a hopelessly outdated organisation stuck in the nineteenth century?
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Your idea of team building includes hitting, gouging, slapping and badmouthing your team-mates until they fall in line.
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Do you firmly believe that talent is there to be squandered like a crack addicts inheritence?
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Do you agree that nothing shows your love for the team like a spot of post-match effigy burning?
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Do you really, really hate India?
You are the commentator
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'The wickets are tumbling like a house of cards in a monsoon here in Karachi, as Pakistan are nine for 27 after 10 overs, on a perfect batting pitch, chasing a mere 120 against Bangladesh ‘B’. If my salary wasn’t paid by the ICC I’d say there’s something fishy going on here.
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‘Extraordinary! The umpire has had a word with the Pakistani skipper and now the whole team is coming off the pitch. Are we about to see another ball-tampering scandal? Could this be yet another abandoned Test match? Let’s go down to our man on the pitch. Nigel? What is the situation down there, any news?’
‘Well Septimus, I have umpire Darryl Hair here. Mr Hair, what did you say to the Pakistani team that made them storm off the pitch like that?’
‘Lunch’
What to say to your fell****ow fans
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‘I’ll put ten dollars on Akhtar to perform a perfect cover drive on Yousuf’s shins before lunch-time.’
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‘Who cares about exiting the World Cup in the pool stages. We beat India in a Test match in February 2006. That’s what cricket’s all about.’
How to fake the accent
- Don’t. Unless you’re actually Pakistani attempting to mimic the accent may not only lead to a permanent rupture of the eppiglottis but could land you in serious trouble.
The look
- Anything goes really, but baggy, loose-fitting clothes are generally seen as the best way to smuggle fireworks into any stadium. These can be judiciously detonated every time an opposition fielder moves into position under a high catching opportunity.
Key man: Shaoib ‘The Rawalpindi Express’ Akhtar
The wild staring eyes. The unbridled aggression. The lime green pantaloons. These are not the signs of your common steroid abuser. A man whose mood swings are only matched by his ability to shrug off ICC sanctions and disrupt the team.
Famously happy-slapped late coach Bob Woolmer over a disagreement as to whose turn it was to scrub the team boxes, The Express tolerates no dissent.