But basically what that means is this girl is helpless?
What made you conclude that I or anyone is implying the girl is helpless or should see herself purely as a victim? She's not a victim cuz she's partly at fault. I agreed with you that she has created a mental triangle. The only addition I made to your point was that she didn't create this triangle out of thin air. The ex's actions led her to question his motives..hence the mental triangle. Not all exes are the same, Reha...not all of them actively hinder you from finding happiness with someone else. He considers himself a "friend" of hers, but true friends don't prevent each other in this way. You don't need friends like that and she has to realize this. As you said, she's not helpless. It really takes some inner will power to detach and push forward and it's good that she's starting to recognize that there are better guys out there. I have never said she was helpless so not sure why you asked that.... nor am I encouraging such mentality...nor do I want to. I don't condone the ex's actions either. It's just that out of the two of them and based on the info provided, I feel greater vexation with the ex than I do with her.
Guys are such conniving creatures. They act all innocent and we girls fall for them. Key is - recognize them for who they are. Deceptive misogynistic creatures.
Guys are such conniving creatures. They act all innocent and we girls fall for them. Key is - recognize them for who they are. Deceptive misogynistic creatures.
what a joke. you have no clue on how to be around men.
Yes. The girl is over the ex
The ex, having hurt her repeatedly and not repenting, is bad news.
The ex doesn't want to commit. But also wants his options open with the girl. So he views her as an option he can exercise at will in the future. That is being self entered and.not valuing the other.
The ex needs to grow up and become a man.
The girl is interested in new guy and vice versa.
Yes. The girl is over the ex
The ex, having hurt her repeatedly and not repenting, is bad news.
The ex doesn't want to commit. But also wants his options open with the girl. So he views her as an option he can exercise at will in the future. That is being self entered and.not valuing the other.
The ex needs to grow up and become a man.
The girl is interested in new guy and vice versa.
The girl should move on. For good.
so at this point the ex is also just a liar. keeping the girl around (like you mentioned) until he either finds another to replace, or whenever he just decides to stop.
I think the girl is also getting over the ex at this point which is great
back to what someone else mentioned as well. she never stopped him from being with other girls. he is the one (supposedly) not wanting to be with others.
I guess the girl has finally woken up, smelled the coffee and is brewing it to move on. slowly, but surely
What made you conclude that I or anyone is implying the girl is helpless or should see herself purely as a victim? She's not a victim cuz she's partly at fault. I agreed with you that she has created a mental triangle. The only addition I made to your point was that she didn't create this triangle out of thin air. The ex's actions led her to question his motives..hence the mental triangle. Not all exes are the same, Reha...not all of them actively hinder you from finding happiness with someone else. He considers himself a "friend" of hers, but true friends don't prevent each other in this way. You don't need friends like that and she has to realize this. As you said, she's not helpless. It really takes some inner will power to detach and push forward and it's good that she's starting to recognize that there are better guys out there. I have never said she was helpless so not sure why you asked that.... nor am I encouraging such mentality...nor do I want to. I don't condone the ex's actions either. It's just that out of the two of them and based on the info provided, I feel greater vexation with the ex than I do with her.
I feel that when you know a bad apple is a bad apple........why is anyone expecting any good out of them?
An ex, once an ex for the reasons the OP posted vaguely about, cannot be a good person for the girl.
I think the more control you give others over you, the more hurt you get. Yes, he's at fault but that isn't anything new...its old news. When you know what's coming, why not prepare for it? Why would anyone be surprised at the ex's behavior? I guess I cannot feel vexation with the ex because he cannot help the situation, can he? Its the girl who can. Everything is in her hands.
I feel that when you know a bad apple is a bad apple........why is anyone expecting any good out of them?
An ex, once an ex for the reasons the OP posted vaguely about, cannot be a good person for the girl.
I think the more control you give others over you, the more hurt you get. Yes, he's at fault but that isn't anything new...its old news. When you know what's coming, why not prepare for it? Why would anyone be surprised at the ex's behavior? I guess I cannot feel vexation with the ex because he cannot help the situation, can he? Its the girl who can. Everything is in her hands.
Reha, I don't like thinking that the ex "can't help" it. Agar larki aisa kahay...we'd chide her for it; we would think that it 's a bonga excuse. So why make such "excuses" for the guy? He can't help it? He's not a baby.....he KNOWS what he's doing.....He made the choice to be a jerk.
But the girl has greater responsibility toward her well being. She cannot depend upon him to wake up or to do right by her. She has more control over her own life than she does with him...so it's entirely up to her to get herself out.
We both concur that he's being a jerk and she 's partly at fault and that she needs to quit depending on him and take control of her life. So why does this feel like a behas? I am not arguing with you. We differ in minor ways but the overall stance is the same.
Reha, I don't like thinking that the ex "can't help" it. Agar larki aisa kahay...we'd chide her for it; we would think that it 's a bonga excuse. So why make such "excuses" for the guy? He can't help it? He's not a baby.....he KNOWS what he's doing.....He made the choice to be a jerk.
But the girl has greater responsibility toward her well being. She cannot depend upon him to wake up or to do right by her. She has more control over her own life than she does with him...so it's entirely up to her to get herself out.
We both concur that he's being a jerk and she 's partly at fault and that she needs to quit depending on him and take control of her life. So why does this feel like a behas? I am not arguing with you. We differ in minor ways but the overall stance is the same.
I am not saying he's a baby. I am saying he's unreliable and we owe it to ourselves to watch out for people who can hurt us. Its not his job to be good to her. Its her job to be good to herself.
What I am saying is...the responsibility to do good for yourself lies squarely on your own shoulders. Not anyone else's. The expectation that an ex who keeps you hanging for an extended period of time is worth even worrying about is foolish in my opinion.
I will not put myself in a position to get disappointed when I KNOW I will be and I have been in the past. I know better and value myself a bit more than that.
^Read my last post (#28)...I said the same thing. So, let's move on shall we? Op has received enough advice. Whether she chooses to help herself or not is another issue.