the ex, the girl, and the new guy

redvelvet · December 5, 2014, 3:26pm

Re: the ex, the girl, and the new guy

My questions –

If the ex isn’t interested, why is he stopping other guys from pursuing the girl?

She shouldn’t try to give herself “hope” that his possessiveness is a sign of interest. And of what good or value is such “interest” or “attraction” if it doesn’t come with a commitment? The answer is that such “interest” has no value at all; it’s superficial. The ex is what you call an emotionally unavailable guy. The kind who can talk to you for hours, confides in you and tells you things like you’re the only one he opens up to and trusts and who understands him and bla bla bla but it’ll never go anywhere. He wants you when it’s convenient for him; in fact it’s all about him and his feelings and his desires…it’s never about you. The fact that the ex hasn’t been with any other girl doesn’t mean anything either, imo. If the ex truly believed that you are the best girl…and the one for him…he would never let you go so easily cuz he’d fear you getting snapped up another guy. Seems he’s waiting to see if he can do better than you and until he doesn’t…he wants you on the back burner. These are just my guesses/opinions; I’m not a mind reader.

Could the “feelings” she has for the ex be due to the fact that she is just used to having him around? He has hurt her immensely on a few occasions, which he is aware of, yet did nothing to make it better.

Yes, it’s possible that the feelings could be due to her having become used to him. But it also has to do with human nature and it’s tendency to want what is elusive. The things that are harder to get tend to appear more attractive, but they’re not necessarily healthy for you.

If the new guy is the first time the girl has even thought about another guy, could this mean psychologically she is over the ex and just needed the right guy to show her that?

** At the very least it means that she has started to emotionally “detach” a little bit from the her ex…and that’s a good thing.**

Obviously the new guy is someone special or else she wouldn’t be thinking about him. Even if things end up not working out between them, could this mean the girl has already moved on but never realized it till now? Cuz she wouldn’t be thinking about someone else if that wasn’t the case, right?

**You’re overthinking this. Why are you doing this? What do you gain from overanalyzing? You asked if the ex is interested…and he is. A guy who tells you that he trusts you and that you’re special to him is showing interest, but it’s never gone beyond this interest. Actions speak louder than words and his words have never resulted in a commitment. So, stop thinking so much about an ex who can’t be trusted, and who despite all his sweet and smooth talk does not respect or value you enough. Stop keeping in touch with the ex and if you can’t refrain from this…then at least do not divulge to him your interest in the new guy or any other guy. If new guy asks about ex, make it clear to him that you’re not interested in the ex …that is if you believe yourself to have moved on from him. **

Sorry for the long post, but I felt it was needed to properly assess the situation. Thanks again

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