Re: The effects of multiple wives on kids
Pakifairy, as far as I've heard, this concept is not allowed in Islam. But that's a different issue altogether... perhaps another thread.
So let's get back to the main topic...
Re: The effects of multiple wives on kids
One of my mom's khala is her husband's second wife....
both the wives lived in separate houses in the same neighborhood...
and it was always said that whatever the khalu got for one wife or her home or her kids,he got for the second one too...
I had seen such a perfect balance between the 2 wives that it was amazing...!!
more so,the two women got along so well...the first wife got sick a few years ago before she passed away 3 years ago and the second wife(that is my mom's khala) looked after her day and night....
I am not saying that its the ideal condition to live in or why the khala knowingly married a man who already had kids and a wife...but whatever the situation was they all made the very best out of it...
and since all the grown ups got along so well ,all the kids got along well and turned out to be perfectly fine...
Re: The effects of multiple wives on kids
My husband has/had two paternal grandmothers (dadis). His grandfather's first wife was diagnosed with cancer, was told that she doesn't have much of a life left, and he had kids from her.. so he remarried my husband's dadi and both the wives lived in the same house and were extremely close/great friends. His dadi oftens tells me all the stories of how when she had her first son, the other wife loved him just as much as she loved her own kids. But sadly, she passed away soon.
My FIL's step brothers were much older (by almost 20 years) than him and his brothers so when his dad passed away, they took over all the business and money (he was a very wealthy and well established man). There were some serious tensions due to this, especially when my fil's second brother got very sick but none of the stepbrothers helped with hospital bills or anything and he died. FIL and his other brother then moved here and have very limited contact with the stepbrothers back in Pakistan. His mother still was living in Pakistan at that time and the stepbrothers treated her very well, just like their own mother. His sisters are on a better relationship with them but my FIL feels it's best for him to just be on a hi-hello relationship and nothing else. I didn't know much about this until I attended an engagement on inlaws' side and met my FIL's nephew from the step brother. That's when FIL told me the entire story.
Re: The effects of multiple wives on kids
My moms mamu, who isnt much older than my mom remarried. by profession hes a Doctor and specializes in many different things. Very wealthy man with three children a girl my age and two boys. For some reason the parents never got along. I guess the mom was too modern idk...we never knew what really happen. He gave her a divorce and remarried a divorced girl in pakistan mind you was lyk 40 and the girl he married was 25. His older daughter at that time was around 17-18 and hated it soo much! she fought with her dad for days and then just decided to live with the mom, who also remarried another man who has a child from a previous marriage. So now, my cousins from the first marriage have a step sister from the moms husband. And a step brother and sister on-the-way from the dads wife. Its horrible. The dad having so much money just feels like giving his kids all the money they ask for will help the time he cant spend with them but it really doesnt. I feel horrible for them.
How many of you know men who have more than one wife, for whatever reason? How has that affected their children?
Kia baat hai Niki kaheen TLK Paa Ji ka dil wil to kaheen naheen kisi kay qadmon main gir gia?
Haan ji bohat effect parta hai na sirf buchchon pay balkay biwi pay bhi. Sara ghar barbaad ho jaata hai.
Doosri zahri hai choar rastay say hi hasil karti hai kisi kay husband ko to zahir hai wo achchi caracter ki bhi naheen hoti. Agar donon nain khud bhi pehlay doti kar kay rah o rasam barhain hon to.
Phir agar wo chalak o hoshiyaar ho to phir "poora ka poora bhains kut kay killa hi lay jaati hai aur shareef biwiaan munh takti rah jaati hain".
Aisi aurtain kai ko mazay karateen hain to koi aik ahmaq jaal main phans jata hai. Phir apni chalon aur adaon aur baaz dafa jadoo say "bhans kut kay killa hi lay jateen hain".
Zahir jub mard ko dusri awara type ki aurat mil jain aur wo naik aur imandar bhi na ho to wo biwi buchchon ko chor deta hai mukummal tor par ya sirf dunia dikhanay ka saath rehta hai. Jis main dunia to daikhti hai kay saath rah rahay hain per hotay miyaan biwi samandar kay do kinaron ki tarha.
Aisay huband buchchon ki taleem aur tarbiaat aur kharch waghaira pay bhi bilkul dhiaan naheen detay.
Agar Maan khudgharz naheen hoti to Allah pay sabr kar kay apnay buchchon ki khatir apna aap qurban kar deti hai. Buchcay bhi thoray samajhdar ho jatain hain to khud bhi dil lagatain hain parhai main aur apnay chotay bhai bahnon ka bhi khiaal rakhtay hain.
Aik waqt to aisa bhi ata hai kay shohar kharch dena bhi bund kar deta hai to baray buchchon ko parhai kay saath saath kamai kar kay ghar bhi chalana parta hai.
Poora ghar tabah ho jata hai sirf na insaafi ki wajah say. Jaisa kay quran main kaha gia hai kay barabri karo aisa na ho kay aik ki taraf mukummal tor par ho jao aur doosri ki halat aisi ho jaisay adhar main latki ho.
Biwi agar shohar say mohabbat e shadeed main giraftar ho to wo to tarapti hi hai her lamaha. Buchchay bhi shadeed tense hotay hain aur sari zindagi kay liaay un par aik zahni bojh hota hai Disown kiaay janay ka.
Dil dukh say hamaisha kay liaay mamoor ho jaata hai kay hamara to baap bhi apna naheen sirf lay day kar aik maan hi hai jo maan bhi aur baap bhi hai.
Aisay hi buchchay hotay hain jo hansnay khailnay walay umr main hi khamosh ho jatay hain serious bhi rehtay hain aur kum hi hansa kartay hain.
Agar Mard insaaf na karay to poora ka poora ghar barbaad ho jata hai. Kum uz kum aik aurat aur uskay buchchon ko. Jis shohar ko jo biwi achchi naheen lagti uskay buchchay bhi ussay achchay naheen lugtay.
Wo bhi phir rishtaydaron ki tarha buchchon kay saath sulook karta hai agar wo buchchay parh likh kar bahtareen degriaan hasil kar lain aur bahtareen position hasil kar lain to BAAP bhi dushmun bun jata hai aur apnay buchchon kay baray main jhoot bol kar badnam karta hai khud achcha bunna kay liaay.
Mazay ki baat yay hai kay jo rishtaydar saath bhai aur uski doosri buri aurat (biwi) ka sari zindagi saath detay hain shadi karnay kopehli biwi kay buchchon say maray jatay hain.
Wo buchchay kahtay hain hamaisha hamaray saath bura sulook kia ub hum inkay yahan shadi karain. Hai na mazay ki baat. LOL.
Jub doosri aurat achchi lugti hai to uskay buchchon say karo shadi. LOL.
Per jo rishtaydaar including BAAP apnay buchcon aur biwi ko chor detay hain Allah unka ho jata hai aur unko itna ooncha aur us muqaam pay ponhcha deta hai hai kay aik rishtaydaar bhi naheen ponhach pata. Jis pay wo becharay jaal kar aag bagola hotay rahtay hain kuch kar naheen patay to sub say jhooti buraiaan kartay hain. LOL
Jis ka Allah ho jaay us kay to kia kehnay.
Aik mard kay ghalat tareeqay aur rawaiyay yani na insaafi ki wajah say Aik poori family tabah hoti hai.
Buchchay hamaisha apnay baap aur uski mohabbat kay liaay tarastay hain aur jo buchchay baap say hi ziada pyar kartay hain unkay dil ki halat to wohi jaan saktay hain jinpay guzarati hai.
Main doosri, teesri aur chauthi shadi kay hargiz khilaaf naheen hoon karain aur zaroor karain agar Allah nain aap ko Pysically aur Wealth dia hai to zaroor karain mashray say bohat si buraiyaan khatm hon gi lainkin sub kay saath insaaf karain. Ya na ho qiyamat main aap ki aik ya kai biwian aap ka graybaan pakar rahi hoon kay meray huqooq ka hisaab do jo bohat ghatay ka sauda hai.
Buchchon ki zahni salahiaat bhi kafi hud tuk maflooj ho jaati hai. Jitnay wo zaheen hotay hain utna ziada achieve naheen kar patay. Jo buchcha ziada attach hotay hai apnay walid say us pay utna hi ziada bura asar parta hai. Sari salahiyaatain maflooj ho jateen hain.
Baaz mard to itnay bewaqoof hotay hain kay wo doosri awara aurat kay kai abba walay buchchon ko parhatay likhatay aur shadi biyaah kartay hain aur apnay buchchon ko bilkul chor detay hain ya bohat thora dunia dikhanay ka kartay hain.
Allah aisay baap buchchon ko na day.
Re: The effects of multiple wives on kids
Haha! No gr8heera ji, all is normal at my home alhamdulillah! This question came out of some recent events I heard about. Thanks for your answer.
Re: The effects of multiple wives on kids
LOL I know you got a good babu. Agar phir bhi aisa ho to apnay bhai ko batana ghundon say pitwa kay TLku bhai ka hila huwa dimagh thikanay pay la kar aap kay qadmon main daal dain gay. Shhhhhhh. Batana naheen hamara plan. I don't want to get banned to come again. lol
You are welcome.
Re: The effects of multiple wives on kids
One of my dad's friends took a second wife from 'back home' and as a result all 4 of his kids have disowned him. They are all in their teens and twenties, maybe if they were a lot younger they would have been ok with it. Me personally, if my Dad did the same and it hurt my Mum I would probably disown as well tho tbh my Mum would probably divorce him and take the house and half the money rather than stay in that situation.
It can work for some families but the very few cases I've seen have been a disaster. Worst of all is when Dad takes second wife in secret then family finds out later, totally devastating....
If I had kids I wouldn't like the thought of them having a 'part-time' dad when their friends have a dad they can rely on every evening to help with homework etc. and I think particularly with boys they need a father figure/male role-model. What happens when they become teenagers and if they want to go out clubbing like their friends? Are they seriously going to just listen to their Mum everytime I say 'no' when there's no-one to back me up. Us Muslims like to criticise single mothers in Western Society and say how bad the kids turn out without two parents and its effects on society, well if my husband took three other wives wouldn't that pratically make me a single mother in everything but name??
In black communities where fathers aren't around hasn't it been proven that the boys do worse at school, get worse jobs and are more likely to have social problems. Why should it be different for us Muslims when the fathers aren't around either?
Re: The effects of multiple wives on kids
It easy to say get rid of husband but it's very hard for a wife who got married in her teens with that guy and was arranged marriage and loved him like crazy. Can she live without him?
If none of his family member is around to support her and/or not enough education to take care of kids and only In laws around are doing anything to make her and her kids bad. It's very hard.
When kids like father more may be love more than mother then what effect that would do to that child. What if they are too young to understand who is wrong and who is right.
There are many things. As we all know our ppl don't like divorced ladies no matter if she is so innocent. Everyone blames her for divorce.
Living without male is very hard in our society.
Re: The effects of multiple wives on kids
^ True, suppose depends a lot on individual situation and yes, it's hard for the woman to divorce and then get married, she'll usually get the blame no matter what the reason was for the breakup.