This is a true essay written by a Bihari(Indian State) candidate at the
recent UPSC(IAS) Examinations. You’ll forget your English by the time you
finish reading this. The candidate has written an essay on the Indian cow:
The Cow
HE IS THE COW. The cow is a successful animal. Also he is 4 footed, And
because he is female, he give milks, but will do so when he is got child.]
He is same like-God, sacred to Hindus and useful to man. But he has got four
legs together. Two are forward and two are afterwards. His whole body can be
utilised for use.More so the milk. Milk comes from 4 taps attached to his
basement. horses dont have any such attachment. What can it do? Various
ghee, butter, cream, curd, why and the condensed milk and so forth. Also he
is useful to cobbler, watermans and mankind generally. His motion is slow
only because he is of lazy species. Also his other motion.. [gober] is much
useful to trees, plants as we! ll as for making flat cakes [like Pizza], in
hand, and drying in the sun. Cow is the only animal that extricates his
feeding after eating. Then afterwards she chew with his teeth whom are
situated in the inside of the mouth. He is incessantly in the meadows in the
grass. His only attacking and defending organ is the horns, specially so
when he is got child. This is done by knowing his head whereby he causes the
weapons to be paralleled to the ground of the earth and instantly proceed
with great velocity forwards.He has got tails also, situated in the
backyard, but not like similar animals. It has hairs on the other end of the
other side. This is done to frighten away the flies which alight on his
cohesive body hereupon he gives hit with it.The palms of his feet are soft
unto the touch. So the grasses head is not crushed. At night time have poses
by looking down on the ground and he shouts. His eyes and nose are like his
other relatives.This is the cow…
Surprisingly, the candidate passed the exam!
Dont think “you can” know “you can”
.::. ¢¼ ﷲ ﻼﺃ ﷲﺃ ﻶ ¢¼ .::.