Re: The "cost" of marriage
as much as I like this answer, I do agree with TLK's friend. Cutting ties with family is crossing the line
Demesne, cutting ties is extreme. Not sure how one can infer from TLK's post that the wife asked his friend to cut ties with his family.
Re: The "cost" of marriage
Cost of marriage? Depends on the discount rate.
Re: The "cost" of marriage
I cant imagine why any sane person would ask their partner to cut ties with their family. I know women are very demanding sometimes, but do they really want to be with a man who cuts ties with the people who raised him just because she demanded it? Would she really feel that he is the same person who married her? And I dont understand why things have to come to this extreme in the first place. You can sit with your family and talk things out, and if they are adamant about not changing (assuming they are wrong), then you just reduce interaction with them. They'll come around eventually, there is really no reason to cut ties with anyone! The only thing I won't compromise on is my religious belief. If my parents really do say things that are truly hurtful and offensive to my husband, I will try to make them see the light, and if they still insist, then I would reduce contact with them for a while. A person very close to me had parents who both took their own families sides while she was growing up. They had fights about it, and no one really cared what it was doing to the children. It involved aggressive bullying of the children from both the mother and the father's families, but both parents refused to step up because they didn't believe the children. It scared her for life, and her own relationship with her parents is in a very bad place. She says she can never forgive how they forgot that she was their family first, before anyone else. So seeing her example, I would compromise on my ties with my family if it comes down to choosing between them and my children. I suppose thats the cost of marriage.
Exactly!!
Re: The "cost" of marriage
Not inferring from TLK's thread that that particular friend is talking about cutting ties. But the friend said religion and family are offlimits and I am adding that cutting ties is beyond the line.
Demesne, cutting ties is extreme. Not sure how one can infer from TLK's post that the wife asked his friend to cut ties with his family.
Re: The "cost" of marriage
'Cutting ties' means different things to different people tho..
I've heard a few on here say even moving out of their parents' homes is cutting ties, not necessarily no contact..
Re: The "cost" of marriage
^ Wow. In that case, I suggest folks watch out for signs of co-dependency (future spouse/spouse's parents)
Re: The "cost" of marriage
Like decent6chora said earlier, I don't think I've ever quantified the cost of marriage.
I think the biggest mistake we make is dwell in the negatives, or potential negatives, instead of highlighting the positives. Newsflash: we have to compromise a lot of things for our children as well.
But for the sake of discussion, I really have never thought of the price I've had to pay. Yeah we all go through ups and downs but hey.... If life would be a straight line, like the drive on Ohio turnpike, it would be extremely boring.
Re: The "cost" of marriage
^
I think the biggest mistake we make is dwell in the negatives, or potential negatives, instead of highlighting the positives.
I think the biggest mistake we make is dwell in the negatives, or potential negatives, instead of highlighting the positives.
I think the biggest mistake we make is dwell in the negatives, or potential negatives, instead of highlighting the positives.
Priceless - it really is that simple - if one can have the discipline to follw this. Good news is, it is never too late.
Re: The "cost" of marriage
I wonder if he made these two points that he cannot compromise on clear to his wife before they got married. .
good question and honestly I dont know if he did. I am assuming he did not as his wife was quite practicing when they married and his first cousin too. So back then, I think he did not realize that faith and family would ever be a reason of conflict.
Re: The "cost" of marriage
He should be Respectful towards me and my parents and i am sure, he expects the same. Respect is very important in a marriage, it does wonders.
Re: The "cost" of marriage
2000$ - 8000$
Re: The "cost" of marriage
per month? quite reasonable
2000$ - 8000$