If there are other people who know about your friends's husband's infedility then her daughter will eventually find out anyway. So she can't avoid the kid finding it out. What she can do is to control when the daughter gets to know and from whom.
This.
Parenting is a difficult task....and it only gets harder as the kids get older. You have to juggle so many things.....emotions, reactions, conceptions.
The best way to address discreet information is to handle it yourself. Communicate, communicate, communicate.
If there are other people who know about your friends's husband's infedility then her daughter will eventually find out anyway. So she can't avoid the kid finding it out. What she can do is to control when the daughter gets to know and from whom.
This.
Parenting is a difficult task....and it only gets harder as the kids get older. You have to juggle so many things.....emotions, reactions, conceptions.
The best way to address discreet information is to handle it yourself. Communicate, communicate, communicate.
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Alhumdulliah she's a great mom but as she treads into the teenage years with her daughter sometimes she gets nervous because as Muzna said - teenagers are so emotional. Sometimes things are so blck and white. I wish she was older like 18 or 19 where she could understand the grays of the world.
Even though he didn't do right by her but the last thing she wants is that she starts to hate or distrust her father. It might have an impact on her personality or self esteem or mistrust for men.
Parenting is hard. So have to think of everything before you tackle an issue. :/
I agree that it should come from her. If she presses her again for details then it might be time to tell her.
I disagree that she should wait for the daughter to ask again.
I'd plan a sunday brunch out somewhere with the intention of addressing specifically this subject. A deliberate effort on the mother's part will hold more credence than if is a reluctant sharing as a result of being pressed.
I'd call him and say your daughter is asking me such questions; let's come together with a version that preserves his image, my relationship with my daughter and something that will be consistent from both sides.
I'd call him and say your daughter is asking me such questions; let's come together with a version that preserves his image, my relationship with my daughter and something that will be consistent from both sides.
good suggestion.......just like Sehrysh's
whether or not it will work depends on the cooperation of the other person......something that is not always possible.
plus....it leaves the opportunity for other folks, if they know the truth, to reveal info to the daughter.
My parents split due to my Fathers extra curricular activities so I have a bit of experience from the kids point on view; HTH.
I honestly think your friend needs to speak to her ex and explain she would rather tell her daughter the truth about the split rather than have others tell their versions.
The reason for this is when I was younger I had plenty of 'aunties' telling me the reason for my parents split. I kept hearing all the various versions because my Mother wouldn't talk to me about the split and what caused it.
When she finally told me the truth was much easier to handle than the various versions I had heard.
My Father has to this day never accepted what he did as being wrong; and I haven't spoken to him properly for over 22 years. That says a lot.
The truth is always stressful; but in the long run it would make sense for your friend to get things out in the open before someone else does it.
I would tell her the truth as in my opinion it's better to deal with a bitter truth once & for all than to get broken piece of information & going on a emotional roller-coaster ride every-time.
She is in her teens and yes it's a sensitive age but children sense these things when they r very young. My 3 year old daughter has started understanding that she does not have a father & she has an incomplete family. Currently she does not feel sad about it but she is very sensitive about "family" concept and I forsee that this missing piece of her life will make her ask many questions in future.
She should tell the truth, it may hurt now but it would help her daughter become a stronger person. Like a lot of people suggested that it is better to hear the correct version rather than the cooked up stories from the aunties.
It will be hard for the child to understand this and there will no doubt be resentment for the father but that is something that will be there whether she tells it to her today, tomorrow or in the next few years. But by telling her the truth right now it will help her understand and get over this quicker. It's not like her ex is still the mothers husband and has a second wife or girlfriend. She must know that something must have happened between her parents, and by her telling this it will give the daughter closure. It will be tough on the girl but she will find out sooner or later.
Also a little side note, I just don't get desi aunties that love to gossip about someone else's family matter. I've seen this before where they get the kick out of talking to the children of people having trouble and love to give them their little input and also ask details about so what is going on at home, do your parents get along and what not. People need to understand what it would feel like if this happened to them or their family members.
In the kind of world we live today kids are aware at an early age about complexities of adult relationship through various forms of media, this in no way means tht they fully understand it..it jus means they are aware about it.
When i was 15 i was finding reasons to find faults in my parents no matter how right they were and most kids are that way, this only grows with time (teenage mind is such) until they r about 20-21 when they themselves have gone through a relationship and experienced its complexities..But the problem is between 15 and 21 there are these 6 crucial years where u r hit with peer pressure, the changing world, ur own changes and between all of that the only one who will give u a right advice is a parent (u definitely don't think this at that time though) therefore it is VERY VERY VERY important that through those crucial years ur children respect u and the decisions u have taken in life to genuinely take ur advice/teachings seriously.
If her daughter is building even a little resentment in her heart as to why her mom couldn't make the marriage work, believe me this thought will only aggravate with time. Daughters are naturally inclined towards there father so this doesn't help the matter either.
she has to talk to her daughter and tell her that she knows things r different in her household than others cuz her parents are separated but this wasn't her personal choice and it happens in adult relationships that u fall out of love with a person and in love with someone else, this in no way makes it right or justifies the behavior but the reality is that it did happen with ur dad and in the beginning she had a very tough time dealing with it but Allah tests ur will in many ways and she made the best of the situation she had in hand and maybe the father wasn't a great husband to her but he definitely is a great father..
Point being she needs to tell her daughter herself cuz only she can explain it in a way that the best result comes out of this discussion because any girls growing up years are crucial and its very important she respects her mother and doesn't look down on her decisions in life!