Telling your daughter the truth. Would you?

[Muzna]

Re: Telling your daughter the truth. Would you?

@Sehrysh

I wonder whether the husband acknowledges his role in the failure of the relationship? Assuming that his infidelity was the main reason, and if he’s been fair to his ex and is an honest man - then the truth about him cheating should come from him because it does two things:

1. If your friend tells her daughter the truth, she - she becomes the messenger bearing bad news. Her daughter can choose to believe or disbelieve it, and she may sound like she’s blaming her ex - typical bitter ex.

2. If the ex tells his daughter, it saves the mum from being the bearer of bad news and it gives the dad an opportunity to take responsibility for his actions which may allow for the daughter to respect him for admitting his mistakes as opposed to hearing it from the mom and losing respect for him.

Mind you, the conversation should be had with both parents present and with ground rules where the parents agree to not say anything negative about each other.

Perfect scenario…in the land of utopia.
Unfortunately it is very, very rare that a couple who divorced over infidelity would be able to come together for such an event.

If the daughter has been living with the mother with access to the father for only a brief period, the relationship between the mother and daughter is likely strong enough to bear the brunt of this news. (The mother probably has been the bearer of bad news before.) And if there is damage done then the mother will be in a much better position to repair than the father who is mostly absent from day to day life.

Another aspect that needs to be considered is that while the daughter may be ready to ask questions about the relationship, is she actually mature enough to handle the truth? This will determine how the information needs to be presented…

As long as the mother is not bitter about the end result…she can find the right words to convey the message.