Just wondering, when ppl are about to get married, how much truth do they relieve about possible past relationships (boyfriend, mangni tuti hui, etc.) n at what stages (before meeting the potential party, after meeting the potential party, after bat pakki)?
n also what about the other party’s reaction? how have they reacted to the news?
i think guys’ previous involvment is taken less seriously compared to that of gals’? What do u guys think?
Re: Telling the truth..
I can tell u all about it in, well… maybe 4 months time. 
By then lets be entertained by the ones who already sustained.
Re: Telling the truth..
I think you should be honset and tel the other person that yeah i dated somone for this long before actually everything is finalized .... but you don't have to get into details and start painting a graphic picture that yah on the 4th of july i met him/her on the 8th we had our frst date ... on the 12 we made out ... stuff like that is totally inappropriate ... just be like yeah i dated someone in the past i was kinda seroius about him/her and things didn't work out because of so and so reason and i wanted to be hoenst with you and i can assure you that the burden from that relationship is not gonna be on anything between you me
Re: Telling the truth..
My wife was upfront with me to extrema extent. (I am not only talking about past relationships but pretty much every aspect of life)
She still is. She is not afraid of telling the truth no matter how "karwa" it is. Most of the time she herself is the victim of her own truth but that does not stops her. Let me admit, I don't have that matching skills......not to that extent and that makes me respect her,,,,,,A LOT!
Re: Telling the truth..
I think a guy's past is taken less seriously then a woman's is. For a guy, the attitude is "boys will be boys" and for girls the attitude is "haye haye, besharam larki!".
Its best to be honest but only with the person you are to end up marrying...they're the only ones that matter.
Re: Telling the truth..
You can be honest but then don't cry when he opts to not marry you. You on the other hand may accept a guy for all his past mistakes.
You know what I look for? Some remorse about past mistakes. A guy who is arrogant about losing his virginity will have an arrogant attitude about other things. A person who truly understands that their previous actions may have been sinful and they have the courage to ask forgiveness from God - now that tells you a lot about their character.
And everyone has a right to not marry someone who might have an STD so if you tell them that you've already had sexual relations then don't get upset if they opt out. But then you also have that same right.
i agree with PS..for guys attitude = "boys will be boys" n for gals it's totally different.
Re: Telling the truth..
He told me everything after I agreed to marriage and on my part there wasn't anything to hide.
You can be honest but then don't cry when he opts to not marry you. You on the other hand may accept a guy for all his past mistakes.
i hope by "you" u meant u in general n not me cuz this thread's not bout me..just a general thot tat came to mind..
i agree with u tat normally gals do accept guys who have made mistakes but guys on the other hand maynot be as acceptive. Some are though. I've seen cases where guys are really the opposite of some of the stereotypes :)
Re: Telling the truth..
General you
He told me everything after I agreed to marriage and on my part there wasn't anything to hide.
if u dont mind me asking didn't that bother u tat he told u after u had agreed? but i think it cud b scary on the guy's part tat if the gal backs out after she has agreed then the whole family (both his n hers) may know bout guy's past which may not b so pleasant..
if u dont mind me asking didn't that bother u tat he told u after u had agreed? but i think it cud b scary on the guy's part tat if the gal backs out after she has agreed then the whole family (both his n hers) may know bout guy's past which may not b so pleasant..
He didn't do anything horrible so yeah.............it didn't bothered me much. Infact I was glad that he trusted me and told me everything before marriage.
Re: Telling the truth..
I guess one should take precaution and judge the person before taking any such step because high emotions are attached to any such steps and many times people cant just take step in right direction when they are going through high emotions.
If its just a past relationship and you think that your partner can take it, you should tell even before getting married and if you think otherwise, take your time.
I guess one should take precaution and judge the person before taking any such step because high emotions are attached to any such steps and many times people cant just take step in right direction when they are going through high emotions.
If its just a past relationship and you think that your partner can take it, you should tell even before getting married and if you think otherwise, take your time.
Well, we did break up but that was over a very small issue.....but you know with women, when they're angry they concentrate on all the negatives.
I think telling everything before marriage is a bad idea for both man and woman but if you fear that somebody else would tell your secrets to your spouse then it's better to share those things.
Re: Telling the truth..
Honesty is good.
But you have to be careful when opening up as PSquared stated. There are a lot of lowlifes out there - men AND women - who wouldn't think twice about blabbing your secrets all over town for a few minute's entertainment.
I think a guy's past is taken less seriously then a woman's is. For a guy, the attitude is "boys will be boys" and for girls the attitude is "haye haye, besharam larki!".
so true!!
I would definitely tell my wife about everything about my life and why would i do that?. Because she would be my wife and someone who I would respect and love her whole life. Thank God i didn't do any physical and remained as it is and though i was very dangerously close to falling victim of my own selfish and temporary desire. Allah has protected me from all that.
Re: Telling the truth..
well i dont believe in disclosing personal info with any one .UR secrets are with u an Allah .......actually the understanding part comes in relation where there is understanding when parents arranges marriages how come both partners will understand each other they will always breakup in no time...a boy will never understand if a any girl got through any bad phase they will always leave her after hearing speacilay in pakistan......a girl will accept a boy with alll his sins where as boy willlll never everrrrrrrrrrrr.......!
and after marrige if u tell him that any thing wrong happen from uur side may be he stays with u but he will always has in his heart as this happened to my friend soooo he stayed with him but all the love every thing was finished and that girl got through a bad phase by mistake nothing at all was her fault.....!her fault was to discuss it with her hubby only.and they loveeeee each otherrrrr like what can say sooo much.
Re: Telling the truth..
According to Shariah if one commit a sin, just seek Allah's forgiveness. It is also sin to share this to anyone.
After all Allah is ghafoor, Raheem and Sattar (one who cover/hide) also.