Tell or Not to Tell Part 2

Lifestyle Relationships
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Re: Tell or Not to Tell Part 2

And these are the women who will produce the next generation. Where is the wall I feel like banging my head?

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^ What??? Like you dont have any fun now and then!

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Yes but that would make the phrase "all men are pigs" become a reality in your eyes :p

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Re: Tell or Not to Tell Part 2

hands CM a wall

  1. Bang
  2. Bang again.
  3. Repeat steps 1 and 2 until you hemorrhage.
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Re: Tell or Not to Tell Part 2

Ab mein kuch boloon to bologey ke bolti hai

:whistling:

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Ok, I stand corrected.

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Stand corrected my ass. Its emotional cheating. Cheating physically is one thing, but this type is just as bad.

:D

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^ Nah, I think she's talking about the timing.... it was BEFORE she got engaged to this guy which makes making out with random guys perfectly fine as long as its a girl whose doing this and does this before finally committing to someone.

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Re: Tell or Not to Tell Part 2

^It's interesting how quickly the stance changes if it's a girl involved in the scenario. If it were a guy doing this random kissing before committing most of the ladies here will be saying, 'he is a scumbag, and he has no right to marry a decent girl". The principle that maybe he has mended his errant ways wouldn't apply there, because all men are pigs by default*rollseyes*

Now I am not suggesting go and tell on her. But I was thinking, how come no one thought of the possibility of trying to 'sudhaar' the husband in the "Tell or Not to Tell" thread, where the consequences would be much more serious and devastating. It could wreck an entire family! No one for a second suggested like try to make your friend correct his errant ways, so that it doesn't destroy the life of his wife and kids.

P.S. I am a woman myself! But I am tired of the double standards and hypocricy of certain people. Hasn't anyone here heard about objectivity?

P.P.S. And I am in not saying that cheating on your spouse is okay. But telling on others and wrecking their lives is wrong in my humble opinion. We aren't Gods. We aren't perfect ourselves, cheating is not the only crime or sin one can commit in a marriage, what gives us the right to judge others and to try to 'punish' them???

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Re: Tell or Not to Tell Part 2

Its NOT about cheating, apparently everything happened before engagement. Its about disclosing an information that a person would like to know that is the boy.

If you tell this person, most likely (if he is a usual desi guy) will break off the engagement, for him, just finding out that a friend knows about his fiance's affair, kissing and hearing from from someone will be enough of an embarassment. Though he may otherwise might cater the possibility that such may have happened, "hearing" it from another person WILL make it an entirely different thing.

Celebrity pics
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Perfectly true!!
My regards for being honest and objective. Bottomline, the same treatment should be meted out to anyone regardless of whether they are a man or not.

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And WHY shouldn't he break off the engagement ? Lots of possibilities here:

1.The guy has been doing hanky panky himself in which case he deserves her.

  1. The guy is clean and who knows what else the girl has been doing besides the making out ? She may have been around the block for all we know. In this case, why would anyone wanna ruin the guy's life ?

  2. The guy is great and the girl is great and has truly repented. But then who will be the judge of the sincerety of her repentment.

So yes, IT IS A BIG DEAL !!

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WHY is it this friend of his cannot keep his nose out of other peoples' business and personal life?

The issue is NOT cheating, there is no double standard in cheating. If you're a cheating person...you're a scumbag be it guy or girl.

The issue is disclosure of past relationships which might have already taken place. My question is:

*WHY ON EARTH would a guy discuss his wife's past with another guy who is expected to respect this woman as his bhabi?????????????????? Aurat ki izzat bhi koi cheez hoti hai...unless this is a foreign concept to some men. *

Do men really gossip about their wives' past like this among one another? Is that what you people are telling me? This other friend is simply poking his nose in a couples' brand new relationship because he is either jealous or wants the girl for himself. There is no care or concern in his heart...just the desire to gossip like high school girls.

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  1. Jorey asmaanon pe bante hein. How can you be the one to say whether he deserves her or not? Even if he has done hanky panky. Couples are supposed to compliment one another and make up for the other's deficiencies. Hosakta hai ke Allah mian paired them up because he is more religious then her and he can bring he closer to Allah swt.

  2. These days cleanliness is a very fluid concept to people, men and women. What and who is considered clean is becoming harder and harder to define. You may be right, she may have been around the block a thousand times. But thats none of our business because she isnt working that block anymore. We need to get over it. By marrying someone who has been in a relationship, he is ruining his life? What is your stance on divorcees and widows then? They too are "unclean" people and unworthy of your paak and saaf attention?

  3. Who will be the judge? I dont mean to sound all preachy here but we are after all mere human beings who sin everyday, all day. We dont hold the right to judge someone's sincerity or repentance TO ALLAH SWT. We dont have Confessionals in our religion because the relationship between God and Human has no one in the middle. There is no one else to judge aside from Him. What do sincere people look like and how do you differentiate? Do sincere people carry around halos and insincere people grow horns on their head?

She isnt cheating, uska ghar mat toro. Let two people get married and have a life.

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Re: Tell or Not to Tell Part 2

I agree that "pure men" and "pure women" should be together. However, it doesn't seem like the OP knows much about what's gone on between the couple. And honestly, if the concern existed, it should have been expressed BEFORE the couple had made a commitment. It's definitely happened to people I know who hear info about potential rishtas, and I think that's fine, as long as they don't go on to spread rumors. In this case, it's in the past and we have no reason to believe that the information is still relevant.

Also, we don't know in what ways the girl may have repented for her lifestyle. People change and grow. And I think we should be respectful of these changes, rather than making it harder.

The concern also is that if you tell your friend, he might feel forced to do something because you know and have made it seem like it's a big issue, rather than because he himself really cares. It really depends on how much you know, how close you are, and how you approach the situation.

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Oh how come no one thought of using the pet phrase like, "what if it were your own brother engaged to that girl. Wouldn't you want him to know! Would you let him marry a girl who had a colourful past." Also, no one is worried about this poor guy's health or life, supposing that the lady in question contracted an STD.

@ snowy winter:
We are only human beings, we cannot read other's minds. Hence it's not possible for us to gauge the extent of someone's repentence. Nor shall we try to judge them I suppose. If a person has apparently repented and is behaving in a decent manner, then they shouldn't be tormented about what they were like in past.

I don't think in cases like this, it's nice if a third party comes and tells you the painful truth. Somehow it doesn't seem right to me.

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id had the samee prob my mu bola bhai had his gf in my uni n she was famous fr her harkatein in uni fr 2yrs i din say nethin even though he kept askin me thn as soon as i graudated i told him everything indirectly!

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i dont think u have a duty to tell ur friend because it is up to the girl to tell her fiance..IF SHE WANTS...its her choice not urs..

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Personally I believe that jiss cheez per qudrat ne pardah rakha huwa hai, let it be that way. So I am NOT trying to break them apart. However, I do think that its pretty disgusting that she made out with some guy. Sorry, but thats how I feel. Maybe she has repented, maybe she hasn't, I don't know. But other things being equal, I think its only fair to say that a girl who HASN'T made out with other guys is more likely to stay fidel. Exceptions always exist ofcourse.

And bye the way if someone asks your opinion about something, your opinion is like an amanat, you have to give them the truth.

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Are you being sarcastic? Btw, I forget the original problem and am too lazy to read it (same stuff being repeated over and over in threads these days). BUT:

  1. So what? If one of them was doing hanky panky or wasnt--does it really affect your life?

  2. How is her having been around the block before, and then stopped, when she met him, ruining his life? btw--I feel the same way if the situation was reversed. If a guy dated, whatever, and then changed when he married--the past shouldn't matter.

  3. If one repents, it's nobody's business what they did or repented for. only Allah swt can judge the sincerity of one's repenting.

BTW, i can see this as a good way to test a rishta ure not sure of. Tell em u dated or had sex and see how they react. :D