Hello everyone, i have a problem. lately my mind is constantly repeating past humiliations and embarasing situations. the latest trigger is people telling us how we got so humiliated and i am pretty sure my dad thinks it is all my fault. unwantingly i keep reliving those moment in my mind and it is sinking me deeper into guilt,shame anxiety & depression.
i feel like i am going crazy. i can't stop these thoughts. i feel worthless because of this. this is the reason that i have limited my contact with people we know but they find a way to get to us anyways.
any suggestions please as i don't want my future to be affected by the way i am feeling meaning i do not want this feeling to persist.
Masoomkali,
Mistakes are made by human beings. It is in our nature, we are not perfect or infallible. Even celebrities and leaders of countries (presidents, prime ministers, kings) with all their power, fame, and status make HUGE mistakes that go down in history. And you're just an ordinary person.
How will you grow as a person if you never make mistakes? There are mistakes that I've made in the past which I feel embarrassed to remember. But you know what? Those mistakes provided me some important life lessons. Many times our mistakes even teach us lessons about other people. For example, you might have trusted a couple of friends with some secrets. And then those friends told everybody your secrets and in the process harmed your reputation. Your lesson from that mistake is to be careful about the information you share with people.......and your other lesson is to never trust those idiotic friends again. You may not realize it now, but your mistakes contribute in making you wiser and stronger if you learn from them.
Do you go around humiliating people all the time by reminding them of their past mistakes? You don't do this because you have better manners. The reason why other people are reminding you of your past humiliations is because they seem to think that bringing you down will make them look more powerful. For example..........let's say that you are going to a party and you look very nice. And maybe one of your friends/cousins/aunts is jealous of you.......so instead of complimenting you.........she might try to make you look bad in front of everyone by saying "Oh you're looking too skinny in those clothes. Your skin is not that fair, etc etc." This behavior stems from insecurity. She wants to make herself look better by making you look bad.
It is arrogant of these people to remind you of your mistakes. My mom says that in the Quran it says: Wa Tu-izzu man tashao wa tuzillu man tasha'. This basically means that Allah gives izzat to whomever He wills and He gives humilliation to whomever He wills. So...............these people who are always trying to make you feel bad need to careful because Allah might humiliate them in a big way in the near future. What goes around tends to come around.
Meanwhile, pray to Allah for forgiveness. If you're afraid that your reputation is damaged, then aim to fix it by displaying more confidence and doing positive/good things. The people that are insulting you don't pay your bills.....they didn't make any sacrifice for you......they didn't raise you........you don't owe them anything........they have no control over your life......and they won't be judging you in the next life.
****** KEEP IN MIND that when you project a sad and weak image, people will take advantage of you because they are cowards themselves. So, project a strong image that shows their words don't affect you and you don't find them worth your time or attention. This will hurt them more than anything. If these people are your friends........dump them and make new friends. If these people are your cousins.......limit contact with them and find other cousins. If these people are elders, be polite and maintain a distance by keeping yourself busy.