Please Download This Figure.
Consider it very carefully coz my next explanations are based on it. Its an example,i.e.
K misron k andar flow kis tarha harkat kar raha hota hai. Main unhein beats ka naam deta hoon. Ek misra ek lehr ki tarha hota hai jis mein "utaar" aur "charrhaao" hota hai.
Ye bilkul wohi cheezein hain jis k liye Faarsi ki istalahaat istemaal ki jaati hain jo k aap log Amal ki post Sabaq#1 aur 2 mein parrh chuke hain.
I'll explain this all in my next post, kabhi socha nahi tha k ye sab doosron ko bhi samjhaana parre ga is liye zara mushkil ho rahi hai wo sab likhne mein jo main jaanta hoon. I m squeezing my mind and its time taking. Till then, consider the figure and try to break as many "misraz" as u can (according to the fig). If u can't, don't worry I'll explain this fig also.
[quote=Amal]
I hope you will finally manage some time for this thread :)
Doosrey to wa'qai nazar nahi aa rahey, lekin aap ki hazri bhi abhi tak khaasi rasmi lag rahi hey :( Jesa ke aek baar Zamil ney kaha tha, aap wa'qai Sagar Siddiquie ke 'darwesh' lagtey heiN:
Mushkil hey darwesh ka us shehar meiN jeena ho faaka-kashi naam jahaaN sabr-o-raza ka "Sagar Siddiquie"
Jigar...Bhai Amal !
Aapke Tanz e Lateef se main bara mahzooz hua hun, Huzoor aisa nahi ke hum sahil pe khare toofan ka nazzara kar rahe hain....... meri kuch majboori hai, pichle teen mahine se hospitalised hun, kissi ko bataya iss liye nahi, ke kissko fursat hai, ke iss bheer main peeche mur kar dekhe, aapne dukhti rag par haath rakh diya, iss liye, bata raha hun, baat kuch serious bhi nahi....mamooli fever aaya tha, jo do hafte tak sulgata raha, doc. ne antibiotic diya, woh kambhakht aisa reaction huwa, ke bas marte marte bacha hun, umeed hai, jald ghar aajaonga, inshallah.
Bhai, iss shagufa ka aghaaz bhi mere naam se huwa tha, baat yeh thi, ke har koi, har tarha ki tahreer par wah wah kar deta hai, maaf kijye aap bhi, kabhi kabhi... bewazan sheron ki tareef karte hain, mera mudd'a, "Style aur Criticise ka nahi tha, main ne pahle hi kaha tha, ke mod ya koi bhi, with permission of the poet, Islah ka ishara kar de to behtar hoga. jiske liye main hamesha tayyar rahta hun, iss mamooli si baat ko aapne seriously lekar achha hi kiya, ke ab iss bahane, woh woh kaam ki baat samne aarahi hai, ke kabhi nahi hoti, aapke aur bhai zamil ke input ko main bohat ghor se aur bari sanjeedgi se parh raha hun.
In tamaam baton ke bawajood, zaroorat iss baat ki hai, ke kisi aik creation ko, crtical analysis ke liye pesh kiya jaye aur uss par khul kar na sirf baat ho, balke uski khoobi aur kamzoori ko bataya jaye, jaise hamare "Halqaye Adab" waghaira main hota hai. Lastly, koi dilchapsi le ya na le, main na sirf isko parh raha hun, balke bohat kuch seekh bhi raha hun, jiske liye main aap donon doston ka mashkoor wa mamnoon hun. zindabaad....................................................................darwesh.
Asalamo Alacom. Zamil sahib ap ki siar hasil behas pardre.Thanx for sharing.I agree with you and **Amal kh islah mangne par dee jaay.magar baz oqat koee achha sher umda khyal rearrange karne main koi haraj nahi. agar us ka mozoo na mbadlay. **ap ne meri pehli nazam par jobat ki hay us k liay thanx. yes I feel some lapes in it.magar main ne usay nahi chhadra .cuz Iam through out self taught.aik adbi mag **Takhliq **main mery poety chhapti rahi hay ,sometimes additor Azhar Javaid sahib kuch seedah kar detay thay.And now my hubby he is a learnd man . **Ghalib **kay ashar ki tashreeh bohat asani say katay hain.He is a good listner.soon i will share you some techniques I.ve learnt.
Naye likhnay waloon kay liye Zamil nay jo tips di hain woh qabil-e-tawajah hain. Post # 21 mein unhoon nay jo taqtee ki hai is say naye log kafi had tak wazan barabar karnay ka fun seekh saktay hain. Is tareeqay ko taqtee kehtay hain. Is tarha misrou mein jahan ‘saqm’ ata hai isay dour karnay mein asani rehti hai.
Saqm yani lapses dour karnay ka dousara aasan tareeqah sher ko bar bar pardh kar daikhna chahiye, rukawat khud ba khud samajh mein aa jaye gi. Masalan yeh aik college kay zamanay ki ghazal hai jiss ki main nay haal hi mein islah ki hai.
Title= Islah
Ab main nay kheyal ko tabdeel kiye baghair isko youn tarteeb diya. Yahan par (batain) kay baad saqm hai. Rawani rukti hai.
Ab mulahiza ho.
Kheyal ki asal soorat.
Islah kay baad.
Darwaish bhai aap ki seekhnay ki lagan aap ko zaroor manzil par lay jaye gi.
Amal sahab baghair poochay islah dainay par main un shur’a say mazrat khuwah hoon.
Dear friends, though nobody seems to be interested in knowing what's going on here, but I will still like to say a few things on the matter of writing.
It's difficult at times, but generally it's good not to bear out any fantasy about one's person. I therefore think of myself lucky for I do not have any illusion about my writing skills. But being an avid learner of this art, I would like to share with you - good or bad - my way of doing it. It will take two or three posts to complete what I have to say. My request to my fellow participants of this thread to let me first complete my series before making any comments :)
First of all, I will share with you guys my experience about asaat'za -teachers-
Here is a quote from one of my earlier threads:
Frankly speaking, I do not know what is Taqtee. This is perhaps that I never had any ustaad. Whatever I write, I learnt all by my own. To me, the most important thing...is rawaani or flow. Qafia is a must without which there is no ghazal. So it goes without a mention. I have seen a few articles on technial matters of writing a ghazal, but they are too technical. I would talk about them in a separate thread.
...
Rahi baat ustaadoN ki, to ustaadoN ke hawaaley sey mera experience aur mera mushaheda kuch ziaada acha nahi hey. Taseeh ki aek choti si misaal aap ko bataaoN ke aek baar aek dost ke zarye sey Amjad Islam Amjad ki aek nazm merey haath lagi jo kaheiN publish nahi hui thi kiuNke wo nazm sirf 2 din pehley hi likhi gai thi. Merey us dost ney yuNhi wo ghazal aek website par aek ustaad ko dikhaai to unhoN ney kaha ke "is ka to koi sar, peir hi nahi hey, is par bohat kaam karna parrey ga." Kuch arsey baad wo nazm Amjad sahab ney juN ki tooN apni aek kitaab meiN shaaya bhi kar di aur in fact aek mushaarey meiN usey parrha bhi. Aap samajhtey heiN ke Amjad sahah kuch aesa likheiN ge jis ka koi sir, peir hi na ho? Ya phir wo aesa kuch apni kisi kitaab meiN shaaya kareiN ge ya kisi mushaerey meiN parrheiN ge?
Why you need a teacher? There has too be a teacher! It goes like this.
Always? I mean for everything? Of course.
How could you say this? I learnt cycle not from a teacher. I learnt it by watching it being ridden and than trying it myself. But poetry is different damnit.
So what? Every other thing is different. Are two fingers of a same hand identical? Nope. But poetry-writing is too technical and complicated to be tried yourself. You have to be balanced, accurate and focused to complete a single sheir.
So is the case with cycling. You have to be balanced, accurate and focused to complete a single ride. Come on tell me, what do you know about the technicalities of this art? What is misra? What is qaafia? What is radeef? What is taktee? What is bahr? What is matla? What is makta? What is nazm? What is ghazal? What is poetry itself, tell me, come on?
Anything that sounds good, is poetry. Poetry is beauty and beauty speaks for itself. You do not need to be a rocket-scientist to understand beauty - or poetry for that matter. So you think that you can become a poet without any teacher. Right? Without going through the proper excercise of learning? By skipping the rules and regulations altogether?
I did not say this. But you meant it.
What I meant is that there is something called intuition. There is something called will and there is soemthing called persistence. Rubbish.
What rubbish? Tell me one thing, if I do not have intuition, will and persistence, can your ustaad make a poet out of me? See...
Anwer my question first, come on. You know you can never become a poet. No way. You are not only hapless, but also hopeless.
:)
Once I chanced upon a discussion initiated by a very well-known ustaad on the internet. He edits lots of work posted by newcomers on different forums as well as privately. He was discussing technical issues of writing and in response to an invitation to coment on Wasi Shah's technical grip, he said: "ab meiN kya kahooN...wo to itna mashoor shaer hey...chalta hey aaj kal sab kuch."
First part of his statement implies that Wasi Shah's technical grip is questionable. Secondly, he admits that he is a famous poet and lastly that everything goes these days.
Either ustaad sahab himself is wrong for questioning Wasi Shah's technical grip, Wasi Shah is wrong because of his weak technicalities or he is wrong for being famous? Or readers are wrong who made him famous?
What exactly do we derive from this sort of a statement? You can still be a famous, or in other words, a successful poet even if you don't have a perfect grip on technical matters? One thing we know for fact is that Wasi Shah IS famous. And second thing we are told is that his technical side is questionable.
So if this statement is anything to go by, I understand that gulf between proper poetry and popular poetry successfuly and acceptably exists. Or othewise either ustaad sahab is wrong, Wasi Shah is wrong or his fame is wrong.
Your wait will never end because this thread is not supposed to produce any result at all. We all are trying to share our visions of technical issues. We may agree with each other or disagree, but am sure when points are exchanged, one can always pick one or two from them
Dear friends, you might have noticed that I still haven’t touched upon the technicalities of writing, rather, I am concentrating on issues that have been blown out of proportions.
You always need someone to guide you, to save you time and undue hardship in knowing the finer aspects of writing. But to what extent can you rely on someone else to correct your faults? And how do you know that the one you are following deserves to be followed? There are simply too many aasaatza cropped up and there is no authenticity of their own credentials.
**
Abhi tum tifl-e-maktab ho bachana apney daaman ko
ye totey choti fasloN ka barra nuksaan kartey heiN!
**
I do not know when poetry started. I do not know how it developed. I do not know who compiled its syllabus. But I understand that the process of writing should be revised to make more sense. It must be demystified. Let us see where it all starts from.
Please note, I myself is a student and I am onlying sharing with you my ways and means of doing it and by no means I consider myself or my views to be that of a ustaad. I will be discussing things in a very different way than what you may have read or listen to so far - here or anywhere else. I won’t bombard you with jargons because I hate them. It’s going to be a fun, enjoy it or leave it
— I am not going to teach you what is qaafiya, maqta, matla, radeef etc,. Each and every one of us know them. Even if you haven’t been to poetry, you must have been listening to songs ever since you born. You may not know them by their technical names, but am damn sure you know what they are for.
• Talent is the first and the foremost thing. If you have got it in you, it won’t be too long before you start getting praised for your work. Process of improvement never ends. So always keep in mind that you can NEVER be perfect. Another thing, you can never satisfy each and every reader of yours. Especially if someone is a ustaad.
• **What you need to be a good writer? **
To be a good writer, you need to be a good reader! This single point can do a majic for you, believe me!
• Your observation must be very strong to be a meaningful writer. While you read, concentrate how the writer is playing with words. Generally, you won’t find matla to be the pick of the ghazal. I have personally observed that in 90% cases, poets want their maqta to be the strongest of all. Perhaps to leave a good impact on the reader when he finishes it.
— You need to have a strong vocabulary base to express youself. So if you feel the need, write down the good words on a paper if you think that you can’t store them in your memory. But any such word will easily become part of your memory once you use it in your own poetry.
— Give special attention towards the flow of the ghazal. This is the centre of all troubles. You can’t do anything if you don’t have flow in your writing. But how to achieve flow?
There is no hard and fast rule on how to maintain flow in your writing. Once you write something, read it over and over again. As Shahana put it:
If you are a good reader, you will know that there is problem in the second line.
Shahana corrected it by changing both the lines:
That should be enough as the sheir has come into a good shape. But there are always more than one way to do something. Shahan’s sheir could be put in another way by just addressing the problem area and not touching the first line.
When I write something, ghazal or nazm, I leave it after completion. One day, two days, a week or anything. Than read it again and most likely you will find if there is any issue. You can repeat this trick to refine it futher. I have found this trick very helpful to debug my work.
Another trick that I sometime resort to, is to count the words in each line. It is not necessary and does not necessarily mean to check flow in your sheir, but remember that they are after all words that create, maintain or destroy the flow. For instance: see Shahana’s first sheir
It has got 8 words in each line. The same sheir when I changed, got seven words in first line and eight in second.
So words count may or may not help, but you can not have 8 against 18 in any case.
This full piece by Faiz has been between seven and eight. So if you look at it from this perspective, than it’s not a bad idea to keep count of your words.
— Remember couting words is one thing and putting words in proper place is another. You can’t have it like this:
It’s still seven-all, but it has developed flow problem now. Arrange your words properly, read them over and again, rearrange them and see which is the best way to put them.
We again need to return to the formula of being a good reader to control flow. Read and read more. See how words are used, count their wieght and numbers.
Another thing you may notice in a book that not each and every ghazal is a masterpiece. You will easily find that several ghazals/nazms have been used as filler. Similarly, not each and every sheir within a single ghazal could be a masterpiece. Some sheir perform the duty of fillers in a ghazal. It depends on how much time you give to your ghazal. You can improve upon many fillers if you see them in different sittings. So do not rush and give proper time to all of your creations. Flow does not come easily and believe me there is no formula that could be applied to master this art. Give yourself ample time to groom.
thankyou **Amal **The way you discribe the things isvery strong and easy to understand so far.Tawalat say bachnay k liay main ap ki bat quote nahi kar rahi magr bat jo ap kr rahay hain wo mary hi dil ki bat hay.main har waqt aik dairy apnay pas rakhti hoon even kitchen main or washing kartay huway jonhi idea stuck huwa likh liya.evryone knows ido it every where.sometimes it happens ,a verse said years ago is done insome other day.The only best way isto read it louldly again and again.and leaveit . forget it.pickit up someotherday as Amal said, leave it,...............pik it up and read u will find lapses ,if u have good insight with beautiful diction. uwill got it ....and Amal thanks for the correcting and beautifying my verses.thanx again.::).you all guys must read carefuly Amals suggetions.
