Teaching tolerance to children

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How do you teach your kids to be tolerant of others, especially their own siblings? Sometimes no matter how good your tarbiyyat is, there’s always one kid who turns out more rebellious or “different” than the others. How do you teach your kids to be accepting of the differences between them and others that dont share the same values/beliefs as others?

In my family the older kids are somehow more liberal and open minded than the younger ones.. and thats creating a huge rift. My younger brother is VERYY religious and has basically refused to have anything to do with me considering my “less than holy” lifestyle. My youngest sister is also Mashallah very religious, 5 times namazi, purdah observer, but she understands that religion is a very personal thing and that iman is between the believer and his Maker and not for everyone else to judge so we get along extremely well. I wish I could say the same for my brother.

Im having a hard time reconciling with my brother, and basically just want tips/pointers on how to make him see things my way or at least acknowledge that yes we’re different but we’re family and breaking ties because of a disagreement in religion is pretty silly.

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Re: Teaching tolerance to children

Excellent topic Riya.

I would like to hear peoples comments because I don't have much experience in this area. The only thing I can say is that as a parent, let the siblings develop personal relationships. Mom and Dad don't always have to be the centerpoint or mediators. For instance, my sister and I are both very very different in nature, our choices, our views but we get along extremely well. We don't go to our parents for resolutions of disagreements or complain to them about each other...in fact we didn't do that since we were very young because mom and dad always let us fight our own battles. This way we became closer and are therefore judgemental.

I don't know if that applies here.

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Re: Teaching tolerance to children

I never understood this rampant disease in desiville where siblings...especially when they're much older and have families of their own... get into fights over small things and then proceed to go on silent treatment for several years before reconciling. I cant believe im going through the same crap now. Its pretty childish and unreasonable to expect everyone to always agree with you and get along with you, and besides who wants to live in a uniform society where everyone is exactly the same anyway?

The difference between your upbringing and mine I guess it that in our house I remember the younger ones did always run to mommy and daddy for backup or support everytime there was a bit of a tiff- more so to ma than to pops cuz he was always at work anyway... and my mother was pretty bad at concealing her favorite(s) anyway. Thus developed the "im better than you" attitude which is just getting worse now.

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Re: Teaching tolerance to children

My 3 are so close in age so I dont know if this is really applicable to the situation. But right from the start, we did everything together as a family. All 3 know even at their young ages that friends may come and go but brothers are brothers and friends for life and forever. If one gets invited to a classmates birthday party, he always asks if brothers can come and when told no they make sure to bring treats for their brothers from the party. Their teachers at school for the older 2 try to do recess at the same time so that they can see each other at playtime. I dont do too many "playdates" because I like them to play together to further cement their brotherly relationships.

Disagreements happen and thats ok...I step in when things get too heated and we've taught them to "use words, not hands" when settling disputes. And "cutting off" a family member is just not something in our vocabulary. Family is family for life, for good and for bad and we take care of each other.

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Re: Teaching tolerance to children

Riya - when me and my sister were growing up and we would see these type of issues in the family we would say "that is so stupid - we would never act like that. But time changes a person.

We are super close but our lives are so different. I have kids and she doesn't want them. I don't agree some of her choices in life and that does create some tension in between us.

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Re: Teaching tolerance to children

well in case of boys its not a religious thing trust me. We just want our sisters to be in certain way.
And in that particular area we are not understanding at all. We may give our life for them but few things are hard to digest.
I have no idea when and how we develop it.

Raina's comment on Twitter Against Pakistan
Raina's comment on Twitter Against Pakistan
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There you go. I guess that hurts every kid's self image. ANd creates a distance between siblings.

My older daughter often asks me who I love more, her or my choti, but my answer to her is always the same, both of you equally. But I must also demonstrate that in action because after sometime, words fail and actions speak louder. So as parents we do try not to be partial toward any child....although sometimes it could get hard in family where there are special conditions and more time is being dedicated to one child.

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Re: Teaching tolerance to children

Peace Riya

This is not strictly a parenting topic but anyhow … Write on a piece of paper to him.

Would you then, if you were given the authority, do mischief in the land and sever your ties of kinship? Such are they whom Allaah has cursed, so that He has made them deaf and blinded their sight." [Quran 47:22-23]

The people who associate with those who mistreat and cut off from their families should not do so. 'Abdullaah Ibn Abu 'Awf

narrated that, "One time we were sitting with the Messenger

who said, `No one who cuts off his ties should sit with us.’ So a young man stood up from the crowd and went to visit his aunt, with whom he had some conflict, she then asked forgiveness for him, and he did the same for her, soon afterwards, he came back to our gathering circle, upon which the Messenger

said: The Mercy will not descend on people among whom there is a person who severs kin ties."

Severing one’s blood ties is far from a trivial choice: it is an evil that may hinder you from entering Paradise: the Messenger of Allaah

said: “No one who severs his family ties will enter Paradise.” [At-Tirmithi]

Say to him: “How can I learn good from you and be endeared to your way if you despise me?”

Ask him why he cannot be merciful and follow the example of RasulAllah

…

The Messenger of Allaah

set for all humanity the greatest example of forgiveness and mercy after he conquered Makkah. The Makkans had tortured, killed, and humiliated Muslims for so long, and killed some of the dearest relatives of the blessed Prophet

himself. But the Messenger

answered them by saying “I would say to you what Yoosuf said to his brothers: No reproach on you this day; May Allaah forgive you; He is the most Merciful of those who show mercy. Go free; you are all pardoned!”

*** KUCH DIN***
*** KUCH DIN***
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Re: Teaching tolerance to children

Tolerance is so important. Have you all seen the movie Milk? It shows that even after the civil rights movement intolerance towrads gays, lesbians, transgedner people is HIGHLY prevalent in todays society. People equate them with child molestors, pedophiles, and the like and it is simply a manifestation of the intolerance for anything different that is taught to us at a young age. I think the more you take children to protests and show them that tolerance and understanding is essential to changing the world they will grow up less judgemental.

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Re: Teaching tolerance to children

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