teaching man balance

Lifestyle Relationships
1

Salaam everyone,

I have a question targetted towards guys and girls. What is the best way for a girl to show and teach her husband the technique of balance between his family (parents and siblings) and his other family (Wife and kids) without pressuring him or pushing him away.

For any guys that may be living in the same household with their wife and their mother, any advice?

2

Re: teaching man balance

It is not easy ( close to impossible) to teach anyone something at the age above 20, unless he sincerely wants to correct himself, humbly seeking room for improvement, or he is so inspired that he wants to learn from you.

BUT if he is also married, than the chances of the above conditions are even less. (close to negligible, in the present society).

Unfortunately not even 1 % people of present society can bring any change in a person's **heart **by only using their own power of arguementation/imaan.

Even if suppose we are able to make him realize his faults, than WHO would convince him to practically correct himself and impliment the true balance.

There is a "Pharoah" inside every human and to defeat it with our words, specially when he is at mature age, it is almost impossible.

Two Options.

  1. Work on his Imaan (morals) by giving him time to time minor doses of how the Prophet (saw) used to keep a balance and remind him the blessings which Allah has blessed him with. ( By selecting the "RIGHT" time and selection of WORDS, with "Hikmah")

InshaAllah any word might act as a spark (by the grace of Allah) to light the fire of wisdom inside him, BUT for that:

  1. At night when everyone goes to sleep, sit on the Jaye namaz (prayer mat) and cry infront of Allah to guide the person by softening his heart, and bless him with the wisdom to be able to realize the rights of his relatives, so that he may be able to keep a balance in dealing with them. (believe me, it has worked in 100% cases, if you beg to Allah (swt) like a begger).

At night Allah comes down to the first "aasman" and announces that "I would give people if they ask me anything" (Hadith)

We need to Remember that the heart of every human is in the control of ALLAH (swt) and NOTHING can change anyone UNLESS Allah (swt) orders.

But for that sincere and humble prayers are required from "Heart". Har cheez mangey baghair nahin milti...

Allah knows best!

3

Re: teaching man balance

I'm not sure that his wife can teach him to find balance. Does the husband realize that he is unjustly favoring one side over the other? The wife shouldn't begin cataloging her MIL's faults to her husband, or complaining to him all of the time. In an ideal situation the wife will be assertive enough to politely insist on being respected, or at least let it be known that she will not listen to rude comments from her in-laws, without drawing her husband into the situation.

The husband needs to help his wife adjust to life in a new household, if he is not going to fulfill her rights of separate accomodation, and should make time to take her out without everyone else in the family. He should also respectfully explain to his parents that he wants to help his wife adjust, and encourage his mother to be supportive in this.

4

Re: teaching man balance

JazakhAllah khair both of you for your sincere advice.

5

Re: teaching man balance

My wife takes care of my mother so much that I am left with no choice but to take an extra extra care of my wife.

My mother sometime laughs and says that if someone wants to learn how to create a permanent place in husband's heart, they should learn from my Bahoo.

BTW, both of them are extremely good freinds. My mother is closer to my wife then her own daughters (my sisters)