How many of the mothers (and fathers) teach your children to be courageous? To stand up for yourself? If you don’t, why not? If you do, how?
Re: Teaching Courage
I think I do teach my boyz to be courageous. I encourage them to try new things even if they're afraid and then celebrate much when they do try. Like learning to ride a bike without training wheels, jumping off the diving board, things like that. My middle son used to be very afraid of trying new things - if it was scary to him or if he thought he wouldnt do really well at something then he didnt want anything to do with it at all. Now he's willing to try and has been very proud of himself.
They're still a bit young to be standing up for themselves, they havent faced a situation yet really other than between themselves. When one of them is mean to another, I try to teach each of them - both the meanie and the victim. Meanie gets a talk ("how would YOU feel if...") and victim gets instruction on how to prevent being victimized.
Re: Teaching Courage
This is exactly what I’ve been working on since 6 months … I’ve been trying very hard to teach my daughter to stand up for herself … she’s really timid and doesn’t speak up much. I think its working finally, since her teacher told me she yelled “Don’t touch me” to a boy who has been pestering her a lot lately.
I just keep talking to her, I ask her how her day went and when she tells me so and so bothered me, or was saying mean things, I tell her how to reply to those mean things and that she needs to stand up for herself. I tell her those mean things don’t matter, the kids just have ‘bad manners’ and she should still practice ‘good manners’ and not be mean to them even if they’re mean to her. She has actually started telling them that its not good manners to say mean things to your friends… I hope I’m doing it the right way :hinna:.
I’m going to continue having the talks everyday on our way back home… as they seem to be helping, at least with her standing up for herself.
Re: Teaching Courage
I have been working very hard with my older daughter who is extremely humble, so much so that she sometimes takes ownership of a mistake that wasn't even hers to begin with. What really upset me was a few incidents when some family members were visiting us and she got into trouble for things she didn't do because the other kids blamed her too quickly. My daughter was heartbroken but it was at that time I realized she needed a crash course in courage. She has also had girls her age push her around and even snatch her food at her Islamic school. I have been witness to many such events.
Things have changed now. I've asked her to be confident and stand up for herself, and at the same time, never lie. I told her that her parents will always be on her side and that Allah mian watches over all things so she should never be afraid that we wouldn't find out what really happened.
This has helped her a lot and she doesn't get bullied any more.
Regarding courage in trying out new activities...she has no problems with that because we've always made things exciting for her and participated with her so she feels secure.
Re: Teaching Courage
Niksik, do you think we are hard on our first-borns and teach them too many manners and be-good mentality? My daughter is also the first one to say sorry about anything.... even when she hasn't done anything wrong. I used to think maybe it was her nature, but maybe we parents are too hard on them and go overboard when we're teaching them things... your thoughts??
Re: Teaching Courage
I'm not sure how true this is since id ont have many real life examples, but I have read alot that girls are more likely to be victimized by bullies and such because they're not taught to stand up for themselves. culturally (not just ours...but in almost all cultures) girls are meant to be nice and sweet, and often that leads into them being bullied because they're too nice.
I'm not sure how true this is since id ont have many real life examples, but I have read alot that girls are more likely to be victimized by bullies and such because they're not taught to stand up for themselves. culturally (not just ours...but in almost all cultures) girls are meant to be nice and sweet, and often that leads into them being bullied because they're too nice.
IMO, it's to do with the nature of the woman. What you guys say?
Re: Teaching Courage
^ so if your little sister or daughter was being bullied in school what would you do? teach her that she should be nice and thus be passive and let the bullying go, or to fight back even if it means being "aggressive" and thus "not nice"?
^ so if your little sister or daughter was being bullied in school what would you do? teach her that its okay and to leave it alone, or to stand up for herself and fight back?
To stand up for herself. I was just replying to what you said about girls more likely to be victimized.
Re: Teaching Courage
I have been very humble my entire and was always taken for granted and I certainly don't want that to happen to my daughter.
I will work on her to be courageous , to make her differentiate between good and bad. I believe that if she will learn to differentiate between good and bad then she'll be able to decide what she should accept and what she should not.
It's a wild wild world out there daughter or son both needs to be courageous and strong.
Re: Teaching Courage
Maybe it is the nature of woman to be nicer, and nothing wrong with that. but I think parents do, in an attempt to instill good manners and good behavior, kind of forget to teach them how to stand up for themselves.
My apologies if its taken the wrong way because in no way am I criticizing parents because i know its not an easy job. I know no parent wants to see thier child get picked on or bullied but alot of the time, what they learned as children, may not necessarily work in this generation or country.
When I was younger, my parents always told me that if someone touched me, I had every right to hit that person back, even though our school had a strict policy on fighting. Fortunately that never happened but now that I remember, it wasn't even necessary because I was never touched or hit by other kids but it was more the taunts, and "jokes" and teasing that really hurt--and as a kid I had no idea how to respond to it.
Another thing that i see particular to our culture--which greatly emphasizes hospitality and good manners--is that sometimes a kid will get picked on or bullied at a party or davat, but standing up to them would probably get htem in trouble with their parents because its seen as "bad manners." I don't know how common it is but I have heard many stories from both my mother in law and girls my own age who say that when they were younger, a family would come over and the child would steal their toy away, and the parents let it happen or if a family member was being mean to them and they stood up to it, there were negative consequences as a result of their speaking out. Its kinda sad.
I don't know how common it is but I have heard many stories from both my mother in law and girls my own age who say that when they were younger, a family would come over and the child would steal their toy away, and the parents let it happen or if a family member was being mean to them and they stood up to it, there were negative consequences as a result of their speaking out. Its kinda sad.
I remember once we were all playing in a room, us kids, and something happened and I stood up against the kid. The woman who I complained to came in the room and slapped me real good. :D I still remember that flippin' hurt !!!!!
Re: Teaching Courage
Lol. I can't say that particular incident happened to me, but I know its happened to plenty of kids. Every time I hear about it I get so angry, cz it seems like more than half the time, parents give importance to other children. When these incidents happen enough, and combined wiht the constant comparisons to other peoples kids, I think it can make a child very insecure. Unfortunately I don't see alot of our people take how a child feels very seriously and they laugh these feelings or incidents off as part of childhood. when it shouldn't be.
Maybe it is the nature of woman to be nicer, and nothing wrong with that. but I think parents do, in an attempt to instill good manners and good behavior, kind of forget to teach them how to stand up for themselves.
My apologies if its taken the wrong way because in no way am I criticizing parents because i know its not an easy job. I know no parent wants to see thier child get picked on or bullied but alot of the time, what they learned as children, may not necessarily work in this generation or country.
When I was younger, my parents always told me that if someone touched me, I had every right to hit that person back, even though our school had a strict policy on fighting. Fortunately that never happened but now that I remember, it wasn't even necessary because I was never touched or hit by other kids but it was more the taunts, and "jokes" and teasing that really hurt--and as a kid I had no idea how to respond to it.
Another thing that i see particular to our culture--which greatly emphasizes hospitality and good manners--is that sometimes a kid will get picked on or bullied at a party or davat, but standing up to them would probably get htem in trouble with their parents because its seen as "bad manners." I don't know how common it is but I have heard many stories from both my mother in law and girls my own age who say that when they were younger, a family would come over and the child would steal their toy away, and the parents let it happen or if a family member was being mean to them and they stood up to it, there were negative consequences as a result of their speaking out. Its kinda sad.
What you wrote is so true !
I witnessed it twice in my inlaws. The big bossy SIL used to scold her nephew really hard & used to show her hand as if she is about to slap him. No one could ever say anything because it would have created much issue.
But I for myself can say I would never ever take such attitude for my child. Whatever may be the consequences.
Re: Teaching Courage
I teach them to be courageous but not to be aggressive when it comes to dealing with other people. I tell them NEVER own things that you never did BUT on the same time its also brave to ACCEPT anything that you did wrong.
Call me a cowered but I try to avoid conflicts as much as I can and I teach them the same.
Oh my GOD! I would throw a fit if someone hit my child… how dare they?
At my home, I usually take away the toy that the kids are fighting about… no-one gets it if they can’t get along and share. I don’t know if thats the right way to go about it though 
Sometimes I’ve scolded my daughter for not sharing also, where do we draw the line? :hinna: I totally believe in instilling good manners, be it a boy or girl… how do we make sure it doesn’t make them feel insecure.