Teaching appropriate behavior to children for salat time.

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21

Re: Teaching appropriate behavior to children for salat time.

I don’t expect 2 year olds to sit still but good parenting can go a long way :k: Personally I would not bring my kids to the masjid until they know and understand how to behave themselves and while I understand the argument that if we don’t bring them, they will not learn it, I don’t think the masjid is the place to “start” their training. You can train them in other social aspects. My parents never took us as young kids to masjid but trust me, we know how to behave :wink:

Like some posters already pointed out, every kid is different. Their need and attention span is different. What you might be expecting from child X is probably not what you can expect from child Y. I think that’s great to keep in mind along with the different parenting style. Some parents don’t mind that their kids wander off, don’t sit next to them or do sharartein etc because “bachey hain”.. What I’m trying to say is that everyone has a different opinion on what good parenting is and how much a child should be “allowed” and as long as the kid is not harming anyone or themselves, let’s just try to respect that. At the same time these parents should understand that not everyone finds their munna or dolls behaviour funny/amusing/etc.

My 7 year old started going to the masjid with his dad for jummah etc at the age of 4 because that’s when I felt he was ready to be in that atmosphare. He’d stand with his dad and just do the ruko and sajda hehe. Now he goes with his dad for the Taraweehs whenever he is in the mood but he doesn’t pray them all, he might pray a few and then he just sits. I don’t go for the taraweehs and probably will not go for quite some time because quite frankly my 6 month old can’t keep his mouth shut for 2 mins :hehe:

22

If you read my post again, I wrote that people are more than happy to help me at masjids. I took my 9 month old to masjid last weekend. she is going through stranger anxiety and guess what she cried the whole time during namaz. At least 5 people came to ask me if I needed help. I am sorry you’ve had a bad experience. Maybe you should look into other masjids that are more accommodating. But then obviously you are “the perfect parent”. You’ll make sure only your kid stay in the masjid because he sit with you while other kids run around. Dude chill out, let other kids enjoy going to masjid too. Batamiz hoon, tameez ke hoon, jo bhi hoon. Keep calm and pray.

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Re: Teaching appropriate behavior to children for salat time.

Its alsoncultural. Western marriages r morenorderly. Their buffets r more orderly. Excuse me follows evvery hiccup. Church service people have the pew. Little.chance for kids to sprint across. Desis and entropy is synonymous. And that’s ok.

Children who r trained too easily may not be leaders. Those who have that extra energy and rebellious attitude may be more creative. So training - one person used taming- may not yiledndesired long term outcomes.

There r multiple paths.

24

Re: Teaching appropriate behavior to children for salat time.

Wow, why are people jumping on the OP with this “perfect parent” bollocks? Since when is sharing your experiences and what works for you boasting about being the perfect parent? She was simply describing what she does and what she finds helpful with her children. Isn’t that the purpose of forums, to discuss things?

Everyone’s experiences are different and they are all valid. One person sharing their experiences does not invalidate your experiences. If you’re interpreting the OP’s comments about what works for her as implying that you’re a bad parent, then, frankly, that is your own insecurity talking and it would wise to address that instead of making smug, snarky comments. :rolleyes:

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Re: Teaching appropriate behavior to children for salat time.

I have a two month old and a 18 month old. We go for taraveh every night and while I sit In a corner with my two month old and read Quran my 18 mont old will either sit by me or stand in a corner observing. When his cousins are there (5 & 3) they pray few Rakats and than sit in a corner playing with their cars. What I noticed with my 18 month old after we started going to masjid regularly that everytime he hears Arabic he goes down in sajja. The other day it was bedtime and I read kalma out loud and told him to go to sleep. As soon as he heard me recite kalma he got up in the bed and than went down for sajda, once he heard us read dua for Iftar and did sajda. I think he’s doing it cuz he sees everyone at the masjid reading namaz and he can hear Iman reading surah during namaz. he is associating Arabic with namaz. I was concerned before taking him to masjid but my SIL convinced me to,take him and see how he acts. I m glad I did. I have seen kids running wild/ screaming at the masjid while their mothers are praying or just socializing. I think a parent knows their child best and if you think your kid will behave appropriately at masjid bring them but if they can’t behave properly than its better for them to stay home. This is for your piece of mind and others who are there to pray. Kids don’t know any better it’s our job as parents to teach them what’s appropriate and how to act at a masjid.

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Re: Teaching appropriate behavior to children for salat time.

Not sure post 24 was necessary. Let the discussion proceed. For the most part, the discussion is quite mild.

Ironically the last sentence has some inbuilt snark. Except no one (including self) recognizes the snark they bring to the table.

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Re: Teaching appropriate behavior to children for salat time.

Don’t think women will like what I am about to say. Last week we went to the masjid as a family; women and kids pray downstairs and men upstairs. Women can’t see the imam. After its over on the way back, I ask my dear wife, if she liked the bayan. She goes, what bayan? Apparently there was so much noise downstairs, from women as well as kids, that they couldn’t hear it. Its very hard to teach kids to sit quiet or behave in such an environment.

I think men should be responsible for teaching the masjid etiquette. Even for little girls. When a kid sees what is happening up front, they will realize its importance. Am not saying men don’t talk and disturb, but when they do the imam sees them and calls them out, they settle down.

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Re: Teaching appropriate behavior to children for salat time.

Our masjid has two areas for women…one is the main womens’ prayer area and the other is the “overflow” room where women with babies or young toddlers pray and sit/wait. Those that want to concentrate on the khutbah/baiyaan and pray in jammat stay in the front prayer area while the ones with babies and toddlers know to stay in the back room. On Jummah, the women’s front room is used by the men as well as their “overflow” space as more men come on Friday afternoons then women, so on those days it’s a free for all with women, kids, babies all smushed together lol.

I think it’s becoming more common for masjids’ to make this accommodation and have “social halls” or spaces for moms with babies. A masjid should be the true heart of the community and open to all and on the same token, parents (both moms and dads) should do what they can to be mindful of others personal space and worship.

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Re: Teaching appropriate behavior to children for salat time.

i only shared my random viewpoint that happens to sorta fit in the thread.

i would never say anything abut Lusi’s (or anyone else’s) parenting or mock her posts.

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Re: Teaching appropriate behavior to children for salat time.

I know you’re not the sort to mock people’s posts, Phil. :slight_smile:

My comment was in reference to a couple of posters who made snarky comments along the lines of “Since you’re the perfect parent…” when Lusi made no such claim and was simply talking about her experiences with her kids at the masjid.

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Re: Teaching appropriate behavior to children for salat time.

Except a masjid isn’t a playground and the primary purpose of being there is not to “enjoy” yourself during prayer times. If your kid can’t sit still and insists on causing havoc and your baby is going through separation anxiety, why would you then forcibly put them in a position they find impossible/distressing? How can you focus on your own prayers when your kids are unhappy and/or running around causing a ruckus? If this was someones’s wedding instead, those kids would be on a tighter leash, haina? And I can bet you the people that offered to help you did so in an attempt to calm your child so they could go ultimately about their own prayers in an uninterrupted manner, because it doesn’t seem like you did much. I’m sorry if this is harsh, but I just don’t understand your stance on this at all.

Plus, why is everyone in such a rush to teach masjid etiquette to 2 year olds anyway? What happens when they turn 4 or 5 and have more samajh? All of a sudden they become heathens and are unteachable? Come on, folks. Why can’t you put off praying in the masjid until then and instead be respectful of the rest of the community who are attending sans kids?

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Re: Teaching appropriate behavior to children for salat time.

I did not suggest that the discussion stop. I simply asked why people were jumping on the OP with the “perfect parent” thing as I don’t see her where she claimed to be the perfect parent anywhere on this thread.

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Re: Teaching appropriate behavior to children for salat time.

I am appalled at those mothers and fathers who allow their children to misbehave in the masjid. I totally understand every child is different (I have several nieces and nephews who run the spectrum of well-behaved to extremely naughty) - but the difference is how the parent manages their child.

Some parents are lucky that their child is/learned how to be well-behaved. I’m not talking about being a Stepford child, but nevertheless - one that will do as told and knows there are consequences.

On the other hand there are some boisterous kids who are verging on being bratty. I get it - it’s not just about how the parent raised the child, some children are naturally more into pushing the limits and testing their boundaries. If I see a holy terror running in the masjid, I don’t automatically get up in arms, I first look to see what is the parent (and obviously being in the ladies section, it would be the mother) doing to manage her child. If the mom:

  1. tells her child not to misbehave and indicates there will be consequences for non-compliance,
  2. grabs her kid and forcibly seats him/her next to her,
  3. takes him outside so he/she can yell there, or
  4. takes the kids to mom and child room

I think: Good mommy! She knows that its her job to discipline her child and she is respectful that this is a place of worship and that children while `still little children, need to be taught that this place, this idaara has its own sanctity and preserving it is just as important an ibaadat as her prayers.

On the other hand, my quibble is with those parents who trot out the: * lekin bacha hai, yeh nahi sunta. Ab itnay chotay se bachay ko kya kahein*. Or even worse the parents who ignore the bratty behaviour of their kid and go on their merry way usually gossiping with some other lady and allowing the horrible conduct to continue without consequence.

I have never tripped a child, but I have stared down these kids, I’ve reprimanded them and yes, I have told the mothers to rein their children in. The moms and dads do not get a free pass on bratty kids. After all, it takes a village to raise a child and if your child doesn’t have basic* ehteraam* to know that a masjid is not a racetrack, playground or screaming theater, then be be prepared to have someone else teach them that lesson.

Oh, and I’ve had a mom get mad at me for having the audacity to tell her child to stop running around or to stay silent during a khutbah :rolleyes:

34

Because my masjid welcomes me .. Everytime. Every single time. Stop assuming that the women were interrupted by my kids. Sorry if it sounds harsh, you weren’t there so you don’t know. And my need to go to the masjid for prayers is just as much as yours or someone else’s with or without kids. Now before I end this, the imam at the masjid I went to where my son went super hyper, told my husband to continue to bring your son here, he will be fine and I’d rather see him come to the masjid than not. Please continue with the discussion that kids shouldn’t be brought to masjid if they don’t behave… Ummm I try my best to teach my kids etiquettes but just because sometimes they don’t want to listen, I won’t give up on going to masjid. END

35

I agree with Sehrysh… Same thing as Khatti said. I also think its important how the parents handle the situation when their kids are misbehaving at the masjid. I would go to kid’s area, step outside, tell them to stop.running/sit at one place however, I won’t stop going to masjid.

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Re: Teaching appropriate behavior to children for salat time.

^ Except you didn’t indicate you did any of those things, though, in your previous posts or even the one before this one. Your implication was that you simply continue praying and “Hey, my kid is hyper/crying throughout, too bad for you. Batameez hain toh hain, keep calm and pray on” etc.

What Sehrysh is saying is the exact opposite. As a parent, if you are going to bring a child to masjid, be prepared to sacrifice your namaz and discipline your child if and as needed. Otherwise, you ruin the experience for everyone else. No one’s gonna thank you for that.

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Re: Teaching appropriate behavior to children for salat time.

If you stop assuming.. or anyone else for that matter that other parents don’t teach their kids manners, you’ll have a better idea of what’s been discussed. I am sick and tired of “good” parents labeling everything and everyone as bad parents/parenting. ufff please enough with that. I and many many other parents try their best to raise their kids in a manner we feel is best for them. I never mentioned anything I did or did not do, you simply assumed everything, just like you assumed that people in masjid were annoyed by my daughter hence asked if I needed help. If I see a mother struggling in masjid because of her kids, I would offer help, not shut her down and suggest she doesn’t come to masjid.

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Re: Teaching appropriate behavior to children for salat time.

spiral, I understand you, my kids are well behaved most of the time, but there are times, they think its fun to do silly things, after all they are kids not robots. I understand their needs, I understand that they will not allways listen to me or adult, I understand they will have tantrums ect… I have not been to a masjid with my kids so far, but I do think they will behave and I will make sure with stares or scolding if they donot… I understand some parents ignore all this and let their kids run around purposly, yes there are parents who cannot will not tell their kids off for whatever reasons. I had a friend over with her hyper boy on a birthday, the mom would tell me, app iss ko mana karai.. app us ko rookey, as she was not incapable of stopping her son from doing nauthy things, later I heard that her husband doesnt like the wife telling their only kid off… so what I am simpling applying is this is life, get over it. I would not let such an experience effect my prayers, pls watch a video where a boy is climbing a father while he is prayer and mA the father still went on and didnt move from place or anything, this is mA an example of how deep we should be in prayers that we would not be effected with things around us.

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the kid was climbing his own father. its not the same if he were to go climb on a stranger.

plus… that trick was just as.dangerous as. the OP tripping a kid. the kid sits on his dad’s shoulders and could easily have fallen fwd, on his head, from that height. the dad didnt even put one hand on the kid to support him.
kher… i found the vid cute but only cuz it was a father son thing. if a kid were to climb on me.like that… i wouldnt be pleased. my own kids dont..lol

apni aulaad ki harkatein sub ko piyari lagthi hain… not necessary it be true for strangers

i think its already been accomplished that if you have unruly kids, as long as you reprimand them.. all is good

its the careless parents that need to wake up and see the chaos their children leave the masjid in.

everyone is agreeing to this … yet arguing it too :rotato:

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Re: Teaching appropriate behavior to children for salat time.

Probably the disconnect is wrt use of words unruly, reprimand, careless. Cause these are relative terms and not quantifiable. What seems unruly to some may be normal kid behavior. Use of careless parenting appeared to have rubbed some the wrong way. As they correctly point out, it is not magic. There will be off days. Kids don’t simply make that leap from sharartee (I prefer this to unruly) to well behave overnight. So one should not assume parents of said kids do not try.

The suggestion that the lady stay back till kids grow old also appeared to be non negotiable to some. So yes, there were some points of contention that doesn’t seem too surprising.