I’m new to this forum but I have been reading for a while and I would appreciate your advice.
So this is my situation:
I have known about this rishta for around 1 and 1/2 years and we have been ‘engaged’ for a few months now (i.e. i’ve been wearing an engagement ring he bought me a for a few months and told my friends etc- however my side of the family have not officially told the rest of my family- but I have heard that his mum has told his side :S). About 5 months ago ( before he gave me a ring), I agreed to give him my email address and we have been emailing each other ever since. It’s been quite nice talking to him and I have been **slowly **getting to know him a bit over the last few months. But what I want to know now is, How can I move the conversation forward? So far we just talk about normal stuff and all the usual pleasantries e.g. “oh, how are you? How was work? Whats new?” and thats about it The start of Ramadaan gave us a liiittttttllle bit more to talk about like " yeah the fasts are really long aren’t they haha" but to be honest I really want to start talking about something more meaningful, and I dont know how to turn the conversation that way.
Its been a surprise that I have come to really like talking to him, as I was very reluctant about this rishta at the beginning but now I am totally ready to accept him as my fiancé and eventually my husband inshaAllah, and for that reason I want to get to know him more and move the conversation away from just asking how was your day and what have you been up to recently etc. I mean its been FIVE LONG MONTHS and we havent got any further than, “what do you do in your spare time” and talking about the weather
I think he is shy, however, I dont think I will be able to be so bold as to just come out and say "look we are going to be husband & wife so lets stop beating around the bush - what are your hopes and dreams ??!! lol
To be honest we have NEVER discussed our engagement, our wedding or even the very fact that we are meant to be marrying each other before, its like the huge elephant in the room- so I cant see myself just starting to discuss more meaningful or important things all of a sudden. How can I subtly move the conversation forward and begin to discuss more serious things, or how can I even make it so we start to talk to each other like we are about to be life partners ? Any suggestions?? I’m tired of the acquaintance-style small talk with the person i’m supposed to almost be calling my husband !!
Re: Talking to a rishta- How do I move the conversation forward??
It sounds like he might be a bit shy, but I can definitley understand how it would be slightly frustrating to feel like the conversation is a bit stuck, i hope somebody gives you some good advice soon :)
Re: Talking to a rishta- How do I move the conversation forward??
mods will move it if need be and it's better here less trolls :p
I think you cant go 0 to 160 from how was r day to what are ur dreams ...right so what about options that access that topic? Like I always thought I'd be further along in my career at this point, or is this what you always wanted to do? That way ur giving him an opening without hitting him on the head with the hammer.
You could be more open and talk about what you wanted and how **you* s*ee life ahead and what your priorities are.Talk about qualities you think is essential for a marriage & that it's self will be a deeper topic.
Maybe give some examples about ur friends, like jeny is doing this and I think it's cool to work before you get all settled down with kids.how do feel about it ?
Or u could go this route , since our wedding is coming up lets get to know each other otherwise soon all you be hearing from me is about my wedding jora & mua hunts :p
Talking to a rishta- How do I move the conversation forward??
Hmm I can totally relate with you. I've been engaged for 3 very long years and we started emailing and talking on Facebook. Then slowly we started to text and talk on the phone. In this time we got extremely close to each other but we got closer once we started to text and call each other - then we started having those kinda conversations.
Talking about 'other' stuff via Email was awkward for us so we moved on from that... Maybe you guys could do the same?
Re: Talking to a rishta- How do I move the conversation forward??
Hey, my relationship with my fiance started out exactly like this We had baat pakki for about two months but didn’t tell the family, then had an ‘official’ engagement in January and didn’t talk again for about two months (when I say didn’t talk, I mean LITERALLY I knew absolutely NOTHING about this guy other than what my parents told me) and then one day he asked for my email address and we started emailing the standard ‘how was your day’ stuff.
The way we moved it forward was we started talking about all the times we have met in person and how it made us feel, e.g. how awkward we both felt on the mangni, but then how we both liked it how he accidently brushed his arm on mine… hehee… it made us less formal with each other and also learn about each other.
Maybe what you could do is ask him questions that make him talk about you, in the hope he starts talking about why he likes you hehee, and you could move from there? So for example, “what’s your favourite colour? did you like the colour I was wearing when you came round that day?” lol… if you start talking about each other you can then move forward to “I always wanted XXX in a rishta and I’m glad I found it with you” - that way you start talking about your ideals and goals in life.
The other thing you could do is talk about how people in your family reacted when they found out you were engaged to him, and ask him how his family reacted also.
Ahhh I love this awkward phase in the relationship, it’s so cute. You’ve got loads to look forward to once you start having DMC’s
The start of Ramadaan gave us a liiittttttllle bit more to talk about like " yeah the fasts are really long aren’t they haha" but to be honest I really want to start talking about something more meaningful, and I dont know how to turn the conversation that way.
How can it be moved?
We had baat pakki for about two months but didn’t tell the family, then had an ‘official’ engagement in January and didn’t talk again for about two months (when I say didn’t talk, I mean LITERALLY I knew absolutely NOTHING about this guy other than what my parents told me) and then one day he asked for my email address and we started emailing the standard ‘how was your day’ stuff.
how he accidently brushed his arm on mine… 