Yes, they will surrender. Ok PTI people don’t throw shoes at me for posting this. 
Pakistani Taliban will end their violent campaign, surrender their weapons, withdraw from the land they have captured and go back to their homes if the US agrees to stop drone attacks in the tribal areas, top commanders told a team of negotiators from Islamabad in Imran Khan’s imagination recently.
A spokesman said the group had decided to give up its larger project to destroy America’s economy and infrastructure and hurt its interests in the Middle East after realizing recently that the Americans were themselves fully capable of doing that.
The announcement comes weeks after the release of a fresh video showing Taliban militants beheading Pakistani troops. The parlays were close to breaking down at one point, when a US representative angered the Taliban team with his mention of the militants in the video playing soccer with the severed head of a soldier. The Taliban insisted that the game be referred to as football.
“The Taliban are peace loving people who believe in democracy, Santa Claus, and the Pakistani constitution,” a source privy to Imran Khan’s delusions told this scribe. Khan had promised outstanding reforms within 90 days of his party’s government in Khyber Pakhunkhwa, and has been criticized for not delivering on the promise. Analysts monitoring his politics say the PTI chairman had been less optimistic and more irritable lately, and speculate that he might have recently stopped taking anti-depressants.
A group of citizens have been staging a sit-in in Peshawar since last month, saying they would not move until Imran Khan promised he will stop staging sit-ins. According to an online survey conducted by this scribe, 30 percent of people who had voted for the PTI in the May elections are now repenting. A whopping 47 percent however responded by using filthy language directed towards this scribe.
The government of the militancy-hit province of Khyber Pakhtunkhwa had especially been condemned for what was being seen as a surrender of land and authority to the Taliban. A provincial minister said it was deliberate. After recent military offences that hurt Taliban’s influence in the province and the neighboring tribal areas, he said they needed some place under their control where they could host the negotiations.
According to media reports, Mullah Fazlullah’s wife had been complaining that they had no decent place for the guests to sit down, and that is why they had asked the new provincial government for help. “These men!” she told a foreign news agency days before the negotiations were to begin.
“He could have given me a heads up some days ago, that so many guests were coming,” she said about the team of negotiators from Islamabad. “Where will I sit them down? What will the guests say? He does this every time. This is so embarrassing.”
One militant commander said a major reason behind the success of the negotiations was that the violence before and during the elections in Bangladesh had restored the Taliban’s faith in democracy. But the peace loving citizens of Pakistan were shocked to see more violence in the Bangladeshi elections than a prime time television talk show featuring N-league leader Abid Sher Ali. Some even compared it to a bunch of People’s Party workers fighting over free food at Bhutto’s birth anniversary.
According to the agreement signed after the negotiations, the Taliban have promised not to carry out any activities that terrorize innocent citizens, including tagging people in New Year wishes on Facebook or asking them about their New Year resolutions. They have also agreed to allow the government to act against networks that have caused widespread misery among innocent citizens of the country. Legal experts interpret the clause to mean that the government will shut down mobile phone networks in Pakistan.
Not all Taliban militants are on the same page about the deal however. Although the apprehension on the Taliban side that PPP leader Zamurad Khan was hiding behind the negotiators from Islamabad turned out to be false, a source said some Taliban commanders believe Imran Khan had administered polio immunization drops to the negotiators from their side, because of which they lost their masculinity and surrendered.
The PTI chairman is under threat for leading an anti-polio campaign in Khyber Pakhtunkhwa. The Taliban sternly oppose polio immunization and have abducted and killed volunteers involved in the program. Security analysts believe there is no threat to workers and leaders of Imran Khan’s party, because their campaigns are restricted to Twitter and Facebook.