Taking Abuse In a Relationship

Lifestyle Relationships
1

salams

If person X conciously yet readily and consistently takes what she/he considers abuse from person Y whom she/he is in a relationship with…any type of abuse…mental, emotional, physical etc…and any type of relationship…from friends to spouse etc…

[so X = abused, Y = abuser, and no it doesn’t have anything to do with the X Y chromosome and female male thing :halo:]

does that mean that person X has no self respect and no self esteem…? And if so, is it X’s fault that she/ he doesn’t?

does it mean that person X is nice…? Is it worth it for X to be nice?

Or is X just an ‘emotionally dependent and weak’ person? If so is that a good or bad thing?

And is being weak X’s fault? Is the stronger party always or mostly by default the aggressor? If it happens consistently, does the fault also lie with X that she/he allows this aggression to take place?

Would Y not be dishing out this abuse if X put her/his foot down and stopped taking the abuse? But how?

If X considers it rude to put her/his foot down in that way, is that foolish of X?

However if in her/his heart X also resents this abuse…is it not then hypocritical of X? Os it it just that X is being patient and tolerant? Or is X a coward?

What does this whole situation say about X? abt Y? abt their relationship?

Maybe X is not assertive enough…But is assertiveness a good thing?

Is it even wholly Y’s fault?

Does that mean X cares more about Y than Y cares about X? And if so does that make X a better person than Y? Should that matter?

and…what is X’s fault in this whole situation?

2

Re: Taking Abuse In a Relationship

Y is the bad guy…but X is also equally guilty. One who takes abuse is as guilty as one who abuses. Maybe X takes all this abuse from Y coz X likes Y very much, and maybe X thinks things might get better in future.
But usually things get worse in such situations.
X also might be under the impression that he/she might not find a better spouse/friend/lover than Y, so maybe X is ready to take this abuse. But case is totally opposite…X can find a whole lot of better ppl than Y. Abusing isn’t a part of love. Y abuses X maybe coz of over possessiveness or Y just enjoys overpowering X thru abuse. In any case Y doesn’t deserve someone as patient as X.
It is better that X takes a firm stand. If Y is ready to change his/her ways, well and good…else…so long…sayonara …TATA ..to Y!

3

No one should accept any type of abuse from anyone else. Like chandbeti said, X is just as Guilty as Y for taking the abuse and not standing up to him/herself.

4

if you take a kick and never say anything then you'll get another kick and stone will start to roll :-)

if you can't stop others from abousing you then you have no right to plea or whine aswell.

right time is always the one when the whole thing starts. better to hit back and make the other person realise that you are not a stone / thing.

:-)

5

I didn't read your whole post but lookin' at the subject one can obviously say that any form of abuse is a crime.

6

Self esteem and self respect aren't born when you get married, but much much before, probably in childhood. And women all over the world are reared to put themselves after others, emotionally, physically, every way. Another "congenital" problem with women tends to be their sense of guilt, for everything around them, whether or not they are responsible. And many of them are also fearful and afraid to assert themselves in simple everyday actions. All this combines with an abusive partner to make it extremely difficult to break away from an abusive relationship.

So yes, in theory the abused is as responsible as the abuser. However the abused has a distorted perception of reality, because of the se factors which I have descibed above, which traps her or him in this vicious cycle and makes it very difficult to break away.

7

ChandBeti: :k: Agree with the first para (only)

PS: Itne X Y to main ne matric ke algebra main bhi nahin parhe thay aik saath :mudhosh:

8

Just first one…What is wrong with rest of it? :snooty:

9

thanks for the replies everyone :)

10

:konfused: I agree with you guys, but to some extent
Some peeple just arent made to be hard and it s not their mistake.
:slight_smile: I think it s because og how they grew up and stuf
But beeking a softy is a weak spott def. and it cant be changed easilly

:

11

ChaandBeti: Pehla wala dil ko laga hai..doosra wala fiction lagta hai! :p