Re: Ta Da! The Joint Family System!
Before marriage, most men are doom-challay of their parents or have dreams of tying themselves to their mother’s apron strings for life.
Yes and no.
When you think about it, it does make a girl nervous. She doesnt want to mess up, doesnt want to create enemies by doing something she would normally do but others find unacceptable, doesnt want to offend people, want to assimilate but is so terribly awkward in her new surroundings, etc etc etc.
It is tough being in a new home that is not new for anyone else aside from you. Everyone already has their way of life and doing things, you’re the newbie here. All the pressure is on you and if you screw up even a little bit…guess who the culprit is? You. Because before you came along, things were fine werent they? Obviously, its the new bahu thats messing up things for everyone else now.
You’re a newlywed couple, in love and find it hard to even be intimate because its so awkward in the same house as the SILs and PILs.
In our culture, moving out is the equivalent to deserting your parents. Its not. Living 5 minutes away doesnt make anyone a bad son/daughter. It simply should mean that much.
Space is good…giving people space to grow does actually bring them closer. Privacy for a couple to go through their most difficult patches in the initial few years ALONE is important. Its not a good idea for a wife to be insulted by her husband (when he is in anger and doesnt even mean it) in front of or within earshot of his family. It changes opinions of people to see things so personal. It would also be a bad idea if wife yelled at her husband within earshot of her parents especially when she doesnt even mean it…it was just the heat of the moment. But things happen and it takes time for people to train themselves in their new roles as husband and wife.
Its just a good idea all around.
Is it right for a woman to demand a separate home when she knows her husband cannot afford it?
No. She should help him become stable, be his support and backbone. Who knows? He may appreciate her one day and give her a home of her own out of LOVE and not majboori. When you show compassion and dont demand things, they come to you out of compassion from the other person as well.