Here are some of the classic questions that were asked of
the Sydney Olympic Committee via their Web site, and
answers supplied where appropriate.
Q: Does it ever get windy in Australia? I have never seen
it rain on TV, so how do the plants grow? (UK)
A: Upwards, out of the ground, like the person who asked
this question, who themselves will need watering if their
IQ drops any lower…
~
Q: Will I be able to see kangaroos in the street? (USA)
A: Depends on how much beer you’ve consumed…
~
Q: Which direction should I drive - Perth to Darwin or
Darwin to Perth - to avoid driving with the sun in my
eyes? (Germany)
A: Excellent question, considering that the Olympics are
being held in Sydney.
~
Q: I want to walk from Perth to Sydney - can I follow the
railroad tracks? (Sweden)
A: Sure, it’s only three thousand miles, so you’ll need
to have started about a year ago to get there in time…
~
Q: Is it safe to run around in the bushes in Australia?
(Sweden)
A: And accomplish what?
~
Q: It is imperative that I find the names and addresses
of places to contact for a stuffed porpoise. (Italy)
A: I’m not touching this one…
~
Q: My client wants to take a steel pooper-scooper into
Australia. Will you let her in? (South Africa)
A: Why? We do have toilet paper here…
~
Q: Are there any ATMs in Australia? Can you send me a
list of them in Brisbane, Cairns, Townsville and Hervey
Bay? (UK)
~
Q: Where can I learn underwater welding in Australia?
(Portugal)
~
Q: Do the camels in Australia have one hump or two? (UK)
~
Q: Can I bring cutlery into Australia? (UK)
A: Why bother? Use your fingers like the rest of us…
~
Q: Do you have perfume in Australia? (France)
A: No. Everybody stinks.
~
Q: Do tents exist in Australia? (Germany)
A: Yes, but only in sporting supply stores, peoples’
garages, and most national parks…
~
Q: Can I wear high heels in Australia? (UK)
A: This HAS to have been asked by a blonde…
~
Q: Can you tell me the regions in Tasmania where the
female population is smaller than the male population?
(Italy)
A: Yes. Gay nightclubs.
~
Q: Do you celebrate Christmas in Australia? (France)
A: Yes. At Christmas.
~
Q: Can I drive to the Great Barrier Reef? (Germany)
A: Sure, if your vehicle is amphibious.
~
Q: Are there killer bees in Australia? (Germany)
A: Not yet, but we’ll see what we can do when you get
here.
~
Q: Can you give me some information about hippo racing
in Australia? (USA)
A: What’s this guy smoking, and where do I get some?
~
Q: Are there supermarkets in Sydney and is milk available
all year round? (Germany)
A: Yes on the supermarkets, but the cows are on strike.
~
Q: Please send a list of all doctors in Australia who
can dispense rattlesnake serum. (USA)
A: I love this one… there are no rattlesnakes in
Australia.
~
Q: Which direction is North in Australia? (USA)
A: Face North and you should be about right.
~
Q: Can you send me the Vienna Boys’ Choir schedule? (USA)
A: People have long had considerable trouble
distinguishing between Austria and Australia.
~
Q: I have a question about a famous animal in Australia,
but I forget its name. It’s a kind of bear and lives in
trees. (USA)
~
Q: I have developed a new product that is the fountain
of youth. Can you tell me where I can sell it in
Australia? (USA)
A: From Liz Taylor, perhaps?
~
Q: Are there places in Australia where you can make love
outdoors? (Italy)
A: Yes. Outdoors.
~
Q: Will I be able to speek English most places I go? (USA)
A: Yes, but you’ll have to learn it first.
~
Q: I hear that all Australian women are beautiful. Is that
true and if so, can you send me pictures of the available
ones? (Italy)
A: Sure. Have you got about 3000 Gb spare on your hardrive?
~
Q: I want to go swimming at Bondi Beach on October 20th.
Will I turn blue?(Germany)
A: No that would only happen on the 21st.
~
Q: I was in Australia in 1969 on R+R, and I want to
contact the girl I dated while I was staying in Kings
Cross. Can you help? (USA)
A: Yeah, that’s be Sarah. She lives in Adelaide now,
she got married in 1972, and had 3 kids, but
unfortunately for you during a mid-life crisis in
1994 she went lesbo. Sorry pal.