I dont agree to this. You can at least try to make people realize things. Sometimes all they need is a quick eye opener.
I am not discouraging her from having a conversation with her brother. InshAllah, her brother will take his financial responsibilities to his family more seriously.
BUT, I just want her to be emotionally and financially prepared in the event he declines to do.
Allah karay kai us kai bhai ko apney zimidaari-on ka ehsaas ho - but she can't force it - it's between her brother and his conscience.
Firstly my mom is in the US with us...so no sending money overseas,
2ndly, my fiance has been ard my family too long to know that my brother doesn't support us. He thinks its a SON's responsiblity to support the parent, not the daughters (meaning he can send money home, but i cant).
firstly, it used to be only the son's responsibility back when only sons earned money and parents didn't invest a single penney in their daughters' education.
secondly, if your fiance is so conservative, is he OK with paying for alll your expenses INCLUDING the tuition fee for you Masters after you get married? if you've got a savings account where you saved money from jobs before marriage etc make sure you transfer it all to your mom before the wedding and def don't plan on taking any loans for your Masters unless they're in your husband's name. i have a feeling that if he's already complaining about your brother not sending any money and kinda expressing disapproval with your contributions after marriage it'll only get worse and he won't allow you send anything at all.
You know rabia, all my siblings kept asking my father for money all the time. Even the older ones who we doing good jobs. Needed support to buy major stuff.
When I started earning, I wanted to pay my little brother's one semester's fee. My father did not agree. I kept insisting. To make a gesture that one of his children was willing to support him.
First time some one try to take responsibility. You know that was the last time too.
You know rabia, all my siblings kept asking my father for money all the time. Even the older ones who we doing good jobs. Needed support to buy major stuff.
When I started earning, I wanted to pay my little brother's one semester's fee. My father did not agree. I kept insisting. To make a gesture that one of his children was willing to support him.
First time some one try to take responsibility. You know that was the last time too.
firstly, it used to be only the son's responsibility back when only sons earned money and parents didn't invest a single penney in their daughters' education.
secondly, if your fiance is so conservative, is he OK with paying for alll your expenses INCLUDING the tuition fee for you Masters after you get married? if you've got a savings account where you saved money from jobs before marriage etc make sure you transfer it all to your mom before the wedding and def don't plan on taking any loans for your Masters unless they're in your husband's name. i have a feeling that if he's already complaining about your brother not sending any money and kinda expressing disapproval with your contributions after marriage it'll only get worse and he won't allow you send anything at all.
^ i have known him for over 5 years now...and he is the one pushing for going back to school. I think u guys r taking his the wrong way. I am scared that he might say something abt my brother not supporting my mom (he didn't like it when i had to work two jobs to support my family...while my brother didn't offer a penny )... so i think he is more frustrated by my brother more thn anything else...n wants him to start acting is part.
I think i will speak to my brother once we all return from pakistan (from my wedding). He has very individualist believes instead of being family oriented.
I have to disguise the money that I give my parents in terms that they would use it for someone else. My mom would take money if was for my little brother's expenses, or my khala's kids, for relatives in pakistan. etc
I give them money. They need it for their comforts. They don't ask for it but they do need it.
I believe if you are earning - you should talk to your spouse and you should give some money to your parents. Even if they don't need money, buy them a vacation, hire them a cleaner for a year or just something that they like to do.
NJGAL I agree with your post, and you've given me a good idea. I want to give my parents $ but because of whatever reason they will not take it, unless i trick them or get them something etc. I want them to be able to buy stuff they didn't get while we were growing up, maybe to provide for kids. Anytime I do get something, then I get this "talk" of how I have kids, expenses etc...but ammi i know that....me n hubby budget well..but its so hard to make them understand that THEY educated me....they did so much mainath with me...they deserve the little eensy weensy bit I want to do for them....but they still refuse....the whole cant take from a beti thing...irks me to no end!!!!!
Tell him you're getting married and your husband does not want you to work. (I know your fiance hasnt forbidden you but I would pretend just light a fire under him) He wants you to go to school instead. Who will take care of mom financially?
Something has to get done and since he didnt just drop from the sky...he needs to take some responsibility.
What a free loader he is.. instead of sucking up to him or going all mushy mushy, you guys should have prepared him from the getgo.. desi parents go all "puttar puttar" when they see a boy in their family, and then they complain about it later on when he becomes a hurdle.. typical!
^ actually its not typical. My mom isn't complaining abt him ...i m. My mother rather work (if needed 2 jobs) thn ask for money from anybody, even her son. Please Dont juged when u dont knw the whole story.
How many of you guys give money (or send money) home to your parents??? If so, did your parents ask for it?
If not, Why not?
Do the girls support their families as well (after getting married)???
How shld I ask my brother to start giving money home (to our mom), any suggestions????
Like the others said talk to ur brother abt it and explain how you wont be able to contribute much after mariage.
BUT if he still doesnt want to contribute then you better talk to your husband and make sure he is ok with you contributing money to ur mum.
