super secretive

Lifestyle Relationships
1

we all know one of that kind who like to keep things secret. What i dont understand is why do they do that?

whats wrong with sharing your travel plans or as random as what were u upto?

2

Re: super secretive

I think they want to come off as sayanay people.

3

Re: super secretive

probably to make others wonder and ask about it so it gives their ego a boost :disgust:

I have someone on my friends list like that. He posts cryptic status updates like “: )” or “10 days to go!” just to create this aura of mystery around him. Everyone else just thinks he’s a jerk.

4

Re: super secretive

I have seen ladies hiding their baat pakki and their pregnancy until the time the things are way progressed. The apparent reason is to save them from evil eye/ buri nazar. I wonder why people need to hide things which will eventually show up.

I have also seen people hiding their promotions and shifting countries until they are done and settled for the same reasons.

I guess these people don't have strong imaan as they thing people are capable of causing hindrances in their plans. They don't have faith on Allah that He will eventually do what is best for them.

5

Re: super secretive

@rc. maybe cuz they dnt like u :bummer:…

6

Re: super secretive

I know many women who hid those 2 things but not b/c of “buri nazar”.

Baat Pakki’s can go wrong easily. They don’t want to announce it and take the chance of later having to discuss WHY it broke. I know in my own case, my parents didn’t announce my engagement to many people until the wedding cards were printed! In their mind, they felt that was a “no turning point” for some reason. It had nothing to with with buri nazar…they just didn’t want to deal with intruding questions/gossip in case the engagement broke off.

As for pregnancies…miscarriages in the very early stages of pregnancy is very common (more than most people realize). Many women wait until the intitial high risk stage is over. That way, incase there is a miscarriage in the 1st trimester, they won’t be asked over-and-over again by people how the baby is doing (hence having to tell people about the miscarriage over and over). I know 2 women personally who went through this (announced their pregnancies super early, miscarried, and for weeks aftewards, HAD to mention is b/c people kept asking how the pregnancy was doing). It made their own emotional recovery VERY hard for them b/c they were forced to mention it when they didn’t want to due to other people bringing it up. With one of the women, some desi aunties made very nasty indirect comments hinting that somehow the miscarriage was her fault. :smack: So yea…not ALL pregnancies “eventually show up”.

7

Re: super secretive

I also think this is the reason. They want people to inquire about what they’re upto. Makes them feel importnat. :rolleyes:

8

Re: super secretive

Apart from family and close friends, I don't share details of my personal life with every single person and I don't press them to share with me. With some people, I prefer not to share because I either don't trust them or know that they can't be happy for me. I've seen that among some relos........you share some good news with them and they can't be happy for you.....you don't share with them and they hold it against you.....lose-lose situation, lol.

9

Re: super secretive

It's there personal business ; why desis need to know that kind of thing I don't understand

10

Re: super secretive

^^ Yeah agree, though my peeve is with people who drop broad hints and act all mysterious about the happenings in their life in the hope that someone will ask them more.

11

super secretive

There should be a balance. I hate people who boast and brag and xyz at every opportunity. But at the same time not disclosing simple information when directly asked about it is just stupid.
I'm quite a private person. I don't like to broadcast my business but I'm really open with my friends and family.
Saying that I've been very secretive about my engagement and would most likely do the same for pregnancy for the exact reasons posted above.
I think some people become introverted and secretive due to being hurt and betrayed in the past. So if there trust was broken then they dot trust anyone with even smaller pieces of info. Sad really.

12

Re: super secretive

I used to share stuff openly with my friends until one of my "friends" started copying everything that I mentioned. She got married before me, and when discussing her wedding plans, I mentioned things that I wanted to do/have at my own wedding. Next thing I knew, at her wedding, she had those same things.

Before any of us had kids, I mentioned a name that I really liked and that me and my husband wanted to keep, and when she had a baby (she had a baby first), she named her son that name.

When I would mention something that I wanted to buy (clothes, jewellry, shoes, etc), she would end up buying them before I got a chance to.

Last year, I mentioned some place that my husband and I wanted to visit, and a few weeks later she told me her and her husband were going there for vacation.

After that I stopped telling anyone (except my family) any plans that I had, or any ideas for anything that I had in my head.

That is why I am secretive, not because I think Im better than anyone, but Im sick and tired of people taking my ideas.

13

Re: super secretive

I don't tell things ON PURPOSE to people I feel are always looking for some gossip or juicy story. Thats just how I am. No matter how close the person is, if I get a feeling that they are asking just out of curiosity, I won't share anything with them.

14

Re: super secretive

^agree with everyone who commented! Honestly, I don't know what's worse.. someone who is super secretive or someone who is super secretive yet wants to know EVERYTHING you're doing. ::rolls eyes::

15

Re: super secretive

You know I’m always happy for you :blush:

So c’mon pm me and tell me what are you upto :snooty:

16

super secretive

I dont mind sharing but if I come across a person who likes to hear the details but wont share any then I keep my mouth mum! Oh and I agree with the cryptic fb statuses, they are annoying and attention seeking!!!

17

Re: super secretive

its personal choice... hiding a pregnancy (have a look a thread in parenting) is for many reasons. Medically its advised to keep quiet till even 20 weeks.. which is like 5 months. Nothing wrong with that... in terms of baath paki.. that again is the family's choice. Burri nazar or watever... maybe they are just being precatious until a marriage date is finally set

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I have also seen people hiding their promotions and shifting countries until they are done and settled for the same reasons.

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not everyone likes to boast about promotions and what not. People who do, come across as arrogant and show-offs... plus its a personal matter. Noone needs to know ur position in a company you work in and how much you may be earning... why would u want to share that?

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I guess these people don't have strong imaan as they thing people are capable of causing hindrances in their plans. They don't have faith on Allah that He will eventually do what is best for them.
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Got nothing to do with Imaan... its called being humble...

18

Re: super secretive

I don't mind people hiding anything from me. But when someone very close (a very close friend with whom you have a type of relationship where you share everything with each other) starts hiding good news because their elders/ saas/ nands told them to keep things secret because of buri nazar, it hurts a bit.

We do tend to start feeling bad with this change in their attitude since it seems that these people suddenly start thinking that we are not their well-wishers. Its because they once used to think us as their well-wishers.

But I agree, its their choice. We should be prepared to accept changes in people's behaviour and attitudes.

19

Re: super secretive

I would give the benefit of doubt to people in such cases cuz like so many already have said here, there can issues with pregnancy and engagment/baat pakki cuz of which some people dnt like to annouce them before time. However yes, it is very annoying to see people wanting and taking such caution in their case but when it comes to the other people, they leave no opportunity to find out how many months pregnant they are, etc etc. Sad, indeed.

20

Re: super secretive

You have to be understanding though. For example, there are tons of things my parents dont allow me to share with my best friend NOT because of her, but things have not been very safe with her family, infact, sometimes even used against me. So you have to be understanding if your close friend doesnt share smtng with you bc they were told by their family not to.