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I understand that a crow has one less pinion feather than a raven. Therefore how do you tell a crow from a raven? It’s a matter of opinion.
A duck walks into a drug store and buys a chapstick. The clerk sez, “Will that be cash or charge?” The duck sez, “Just put it on my bill!”
A fat woman walks into a bar carrying a duck under her arm. The bartender says “sorry, we don’t serve pigs here”. The woman replies “but this is a duck”. The bartender says “lady, I was talking to the duck”.
Why do birds fly south? Because it is to far to walk!
A pigeon was pacing up and down anxiously in Central Park when he saw his friend hop up on the curb. “Where have you been, I’ve been waiting here for hours?” The new arrival looked around him and said, “It was such a nice day, I said to myself – what the heck, I’ll walk!”
What do you call a person who looks like a bird, acts like a bird, sonds like a bird, squeeks and skwaks like a bird, even sings like a bird? An Ariane R. AKA Bird bIRd biRd!!! (inside joke very funny) (Editor: Ok…if you say so…)
This guy buys a parrot. Every morning he stands in front of the cage and asks in a pleasant voice, “Can you talk?” This goes on for weeks with absolutely no response from the bird. Finally one morning, totally fed up, he shouts, “CAN YOU TALK, YOU STUPID MORONIC BIRD? CAN YOU TALK?” The bird looks him in the eye and says “I can talk, all right. Can you fly?”
The centipede’s feet were killing him, so he went to see the spotted owl. The owl closed his eyes, considering the problem. When he opened them he said, “Walk on your left feet one day and your right feet the next.” The centipede thought this was a great idea. “How should I do this?”, asked the centipede. The owl closed his eyes again and said, “I just make policy. I don’t impliment it.”
Question: Why do humming birds hum? Answer: Because they don’t know the words. – from Carl Mowery, 9/2/96